For pushing 17 year old DS to get a job?

[WickedWitchoftheWestCountry]

(Regular poster but nc)

I don't think IABU but its becoming a real bone of contention so want to see what others think.

DS is 17, nearly 18, and in his 1st year of a Btec extended diploma. He works hard at college (he's doing something he loves). He's got a nice gf, lots of friends, social, but no excessive drinking, etc, so all ok.

However he's doing nothing about looking for a pt job. He's had a couple of jobs since leaving school which just seemed to end (apparently not needed anymore), but since November he's not worked at all and is doing nothing about it, despite me constantly being on his case, offering to help with CV, etc.

I give him money for lunch and bus fares and I pay for his phone, but that's it, he just doesn't seem bothered about having money at all.

I worked pt from when I was 16 and believe it's good for young people to work and earn their own money and want to install a good work ethic in him. But basically he's lazy.

My question is how much of an issue should I make this? I'm thinking of saying I won't pay for his phone after next month of he's not working. Or should I just let him focus on college and get off his back?

DS is nearly 18 and doesn't have a job either. He is at college but does have three days a week to work. He has applied for a couple but isn't putting a huge amount of effort in.

I worry that it won't look good on a CV that he hasn't had a job if he doesn't get one soon. He works hard at college, he studies a lot at home as well.

He doesn't ask for much and gets new clothes for Xmas and his Birthdays. He is very good at managing money and has quite a good amount which he has saved over the years which he dips into if he wants to go out and needs money. He doesn't have a phone, just an iPad which he uses for calls. He isn't very sociable though.

I think it would be great for his self-esteem and confidence to get a job. He was bullied at college in his first year and it really knocked his confidence and he needs to start rebuilding it.

How about voluntary work?

Your DS will be OK OP. Working a few shifts each week on the tills at Tescos at 17 isn't going to have any more or any less affect on his future.

Although I'm not the OP I wanted to thank you for posting this. I have been worrying so much that my son's lack of job right now will badly affect his future.

I am not a pushy parent at all and my mum wasn't with me either but I have read things where people have said it will be hard to get a job in the future if he has no work experience at his age. He has work experience from working in the college kitchens to cook for events but that is it.

It is hard because so many employers seem to want him to be available all the time.

My son is doing his AS levels at school at the moment. THAT'S his job.

I don't understand this idea that paid work is magically better and more worthwhile than anything else.Bizarre..
Ok,I'm exaggerating - but DS goes to Sixth form leaving at 7.30, works all day,gets back from school and has work to do in the evening.I had holiday jobs as a student,but on my course we had a full 9-5 day,and 3 days a week it was 9-9,not including essays,reports,revision etc.None of my friends had term time jobs,but that didn't mean we had no work ethic,we were working - studying.

A Saturday job would be good for him, get him some work experience and a bit of extra money.
I worked full time from 16 as I wasn't at college and it made me mature quicker then my non working friends.
Also a lot of uni courses like you to have work experience, so that's something he needs to consider.

I definitely think you shouldn't be pushing him to get a job just for the "work ethic", I understand where you're coming from as when i was in sixth form most of my friends had part time jobs, however back then all it took to get into university/apprenticeship was 3 C's!! Now days you're going nowhere without excellent grades. I think you should let him focus on his college work especially as he doesn't seem to be bothered about lack of money. I found that the more you push teens to do something the more reluctant they are lol

The trouble is teenagers aren't pushed enough nowadays!
The severe lack of social skills, spoilt and lazy attitude and inability to self organise is so common amongst teens today.
I'm 29 and when I was 13 I arranged a train trip from my home town in Southampton, all the way to Penzance In Cornwall to see my friend while she was on holiday with her parents, nobody helped me or took me to the station, I even saved up Christmas and birthday money to go.

When I was 15 I was arranging all my own doctors appointments including contraception etc and by the time I was 16 I was working full time 40 hours a week and paying my mum £250 a month in rent.

My niece who's 15 can't even make her own bed let alone organise a trip, and my brother in law who's 19, can't even get his own drink of squash and has to call his mum from his mobile to bring one up to him.

There's no harm in a 17 year old lad taking a Saturday job, he's not some precious petal who's results are going to be effected by 4 hours manning a till.
I highly doubt any of you who insist your college children don't work, spend all their weekends studying anyway

My niece who's 15 can't even make her own bed let alone organise a trip, and my brother in law who's 19, can't even get his own drink of squash and has to call his mum from his mobile to bring one up to him.

I don't know any teens like that. My son might not work right now but he certainly isn't precious with a spoilt and lazy attitude. In fact, with his additional needs he had to work his arse off to get GCSEs and study for his college course. He has done his own washing and ironing for years, as well as making beds and general housework.

I can't think of one teen who is lazy and spoilt and asks their mum to bring them up a drink.

I think it's the teens you know. It certainly isn't common in the teens I know to be incapable of arranging doctor appointments, trips, get drinks and make beds.

U2hastheedge that's good to know that the teens you know aren't lazy, Shame the dozens i know are lazy though.

I think it depends on the person, I had a part time job at 18 in sixth form, depends on if he could handle it, I didn't.

My eldest - about to finish uni has never really worked and has no work ethic. I think it would have done him good. He is content to just coast by.
The other two both had part time jobs and managed fine (1 A levels and 1 Btec extended diploma). It hasn't impacted on studies and I think they have a much better attitude towards work, money and being self sufficient. They have made friends at work. I have honestly never had a tutor/ lecturer discourage it. The finance talks we went to recent whilst looking at different universities all mentioned part time work as a positive.

I'm quite shocked at the thinking that gaining work skills is not a good thing.
I worked from 14 and studied..I learnt so much and I made so many new life long friends the idea that it was detrimental in any way is bonkers.

The more I think about it the more I think it depends.
My part time jobs basically taught me work was dreary and needed to be got through.Which I guess is a work skill,I've certainly used it in my career,but I'm pretty sure putting up with boring stuff I didn't like and didn't want to do was a skill I learnt sitting through double maths on a Monday morning too...
So what else?
I can't think of a single thing I gained from work that I wasn't also learning at home and school.(except money!)
My stand out lesson from my main student job was that I had to stay,even though all the work was done and nothing more could be started - so "at work you will be asked to do pointless things that are a waste of time" - true,of course.
I also learnt that because that was what work was like you stuck with it whether you enjoyed it or not - that attitude kept me in a career I wasn't happy in til it was too late to change ( though finally at 57 I'm happy in it,so it's all good!)
What work skills are you all thinking of ?

Chances are he won't be in all day every day, like he would be at school.

As someone who did FT college I can assure you he will be in all day every day if it's a full time course.
If you're still claiming CB for him with him being in education I think YABabitU to be pushing him to get a job yes. Gently encouraging for him to casually look for work? No YNBU.

I worked from the age of 12.
First job 9-12 Sat am at a garden centre, watering!!
Second job from 13/14 - 4- 8pm Fridays, 8- 3pm Sat - shelf stacking
Third Job from 16 years - 18 years - Retail - all day Saturday and all school hols

From then on I have never been completely out of work. There is always something you can do. (Deliver leaflets, admin, supermarket, call centres, fast food). I also got two uni degrees and several professional qualifications.

Gained skills, a view on life that has served me well, gained confidence, made friends.

When life hit me hard and I could not be Ms Hotshot career-woman I always knew I could support myself somehow.

My DD works, and is doing well at uni. My DS is a lazy bugger and won't. Don't know how to make him.

What work skills are you all thinking of ?

Have been talking to my nearly 15 yr old about this thread and work, also in the context of another thread where posters in the top percentages of income didn't 'feel wealthy' because their disposable income was not great.

(My poor PFB was a captive audience as he was trapped in the car with me for an hour driving to a rugby match )

The stand out thing wrt teenagers working is that, if he doesn't get a pt out of school job at 16 then he'll have no money of his own.
As I am a single parent on benefits I cannot afford to subsidise his social life/unnecessary expenditure on 'nice to have' stuff.

As with all things, money buys you choice - if my boys want their own cash then I cannot provide it to allow them to view 'studying as their job' - which is a theme throughout this thread.

What skills will he gain?
Well, not just money and not just skills specific to whatever role he'll work in.
He'll gain social & cultural capital as well as economic.

He'll broaden his acquaintance network across a range of ages, backgrounds & personality types; he'll learn how to balance work/life/pleasure etc; he'll have the opportunity to 'fail' whilst still protected from real effects of failure; he'll learn how to be diplomatic in the face of rudeness etc; he'll learn to have an independent voice and be self-reliant when needs be; having his own, earned income will give him a sense of self worth & self respect.

The benefits & plusses of work go much further than just earning money.

i really wouldnt worry about it op.
if he wants a part time job, he will look for one. when he has decided he wants to learn to drive, buy a car. get clothes, go on holiday with his GF or mates.

From an employability perspective, it's important to start getting actual paid work on your CV relatively early. It doesn't have to be a lot, but never having worked at all is going to make it really hard to do things like get internships and post-uni employment. I would helping him to get something, even if it's not an actual part time job week in, week out - temping over a summer, even.

I guarantee that the people who have family connections will have their kids doing jobs like helping at uncle's firm in the half terms which will go on their CVs and give them a leg up. A part time job of some kind will help all children do the same, and will help them get PT work at uni, too, or a FT job when they finish college.

But everyone who's warning about the dangers is right too - it needs to be a bit controlled to be effective, but will teach useful life skills.

At my fee paying girl's school in the 90s practically everyone had some kind of job or holiday work, we were encouraged to build our experience from GCSEs onwards. They weren't necessarily permanent but gave us something to talk about to other employers later on. I worked in a shop.

I will be encouraging my children when they reach 14/15 to do volunteer work once a week, as a way to develop social skills with people of different ages and help them get paid work later. I know many teens who won't work basically because they don't know how to interact with colleagues, customers etc. They are scared of work because it is the unknown.
If they can get paid work 1 day a week at 16/17 then great, or holiday jobs even better. But not always available especially where we live as it's rural.

still education is only compulsory until 16 as far as I believe? Certainly in Scotland that's the case.

Op if you can afford it and he's doing well at college I would give him until he's 18. Warn him in advance obviously.

Is this a phenomenon for this generation of teens?

I grew up in an affluent family in a wealthy area and every single person had a job by the time they were legally allowed. And yes I know, actually getting it was likely easier (late 90s) but we all wanted one! We all couldn't wait until we had our own money to spend and not feel bad about spending an allowance on fags and going out.

He at least needs to make an effort I think. Unless his BTEC is full time, and I mean proper full time not just 9-3 school hours.

I'm quite shocked at the thinking that gaining work skills is not a good thing.
I worked from 14 and studied..I learnt so much and I made so many new life long friends the idea that it was detrimental in any way is bonkers.
I'm sounding like a broken record, but the studies on the topic say that students with part time jobs typically get lower grades. I don't know how it's bonkers to see lower grades as a negative.

Work experience is a good thing, but better gained in the summer, even if that means unpaid work.