For pushing 17 year old DS to get a job?

[WickedWitchoftheWestCountry]

(Regular poster but nc)

I don't think IABU but its becoming a real bone of contention so want to see what others think.

DS is 17, nearly 18, and in his 1st year of a Btec extended diploma. He works hard at college (he's doing something he loves). He's got a nice gf, lots of friends, social, but no excessive drinking, etc, so all ok.

However he's doing nothing about looking for a pt job. He's had a couple of jobs since leaving school which just seemed to end (apparently not needed anymore), but since November he's not worked at all and is doing nothing about it, despite me constantly being on his case, offering to help with CV, etc.

I give him money for lunch and bus fares and I pay for his phone, but that's it, he just doesn't seem bothered about having money at all.

I worked pt from when I was 16 and believe it's good for young people to work and earn their own money and want to install a good work ethic in him. But basically he's lazy.

My question is how much of an issue should I make this? I'm thinking of saying I won't pay for his phone after next month of he's not working. Or should I just let him focus on college and get off his back?

WomblingThree I think you sound like a really good parent.

Yes, definitely working! He's school is strict, so silence and supervision in the sixth form study centre.

I think having a break from purely studying is good for my ds. But he is only working a maximum of seven hours on a Saturday. He enjoys it and luckily it's a small family run business with a nice boss.

Do you SparklyUnicornPoo? Thank you, that's really nice of you 😊

I worked in school and college but I was very exploited by a couple of employers, luckily I found good ones who didn't put pressure on me to skip classes. The qualifications are more important I think , but work and voluntary work can help with confidence and social skills

all of my dc worked, wanted to work, from the age of 14. i encouraged it.
i spose your ds doesnt want the extra money. which is surprising.
i think he should be encouraged to earn money

Wombling you sound like a lovely Mum

I'm going to leave DS alone I think! I guess when he decides he needs the money he'll have the motivation to look for one. Me pressuring him is affecting our relationship so I'm glad others think it's ok for him not to be working while he's at college.

Jace I like your suggestion about paying him to do my cleaning. He'll need to up his cleaning skills somewhat though!

I agree with whoever said that studies/ schoolwork falls by the wayside when dc have a part time job.

I teach 6th form. Year after year those who underperform are the Ines with jobs. I'm not saying every student does this, but the it is very noticeable amongst those who work.

I remember a couple of years ago one girl performed much much better on the As course as she wasn't working in a job. I predicted an A/B for her based on this. Her performance in A2 was much weaker. She ended up with a D. She admitted that her job took up too much time. I've seen it again and again.

I would not have allowed my DDs to work when they were doing their A-levels. Their job was to get the best results they could.

MN really is an alternate universe at times.

I will be actively encouraging both of my boys to get holiday/weekend jobs when they're 16.

Soon-to-be 15 yr old is actually pissed off that he can't get a Saturday job now, but nowhere takes on under 16s round here (he's got a paper round though).

Opinions will divide on this but I have to admit i am inclined to think not to push him.

The friends I had who did not work part time were able to focus on their studies and were perversely excellent with money as they didn't have much of it.

If someone is showing signs of general laziness (not helping round the house and so on) that's different. My stepmother hassled me into getting a part time job and they were mostly miserable experiences for a pittance.

When I was at sixth form, back in the dark ages, most people had part time or holiday jobs. It was considered to be part of growing up.

I suspect that some of those who don't do as well, and who also have jobs, probably have a bit more going on than just working. Are they working because the family needs the money rather than just for pocket money?

In my experience you can often spot the graduates who have never worked. They're often horrified at being asked to do something menial like photocopy a document - even though senior staff do it themselves.

That's never been my experience to be fair

Young people and graduates who have had part time jobs, stand out miles ahead of their peers, when starting full time work.

I am very reluctant to hire someone with absolutely no work experience, a couple of evenings a week doing a job you probably don't enjoy, teaches you far more than people realise.

absolutely,
what do they think they are going to do when they graduate? everyone has to start somewhere, everyone should have a work ethic. doing menial mundane tasks, washing up somewhere for a few hours is not going to drastically affect grades imo yet it should teach them the reason they are slogging at college

But the studies into the impact of term-time jobs on students do say that it does have a significant detrimental impact on grades, and that's what the teachers in this thread have observed too.

Holiday jobs are another matter.

My DS is 17.6 in 6th Form.
He hasn't mentioned a job because at the moment he has no need.

He saves his pocket money, his phone doesn't cost much (unlike DD phone) , he doesn't want driving lessons, not into clothes.
I give him lunch money .
He has his Travel card , his college is two buses/an hour each way .

DD, wants to get a job as soon as she legally can. I know she will spend and will want more than her pocket money.

Once DS finishes 6th form he can look for something P/T to fit with his University (if that's his choice) or possible Apprenticeship.

It depends on the number of hours and type of job. Two evenings a week in a supermarket until 8pm, fine. Two evenings a week in a pub 'till midnight and then up at 6am to get to school / college is clearly a bad idea.
I will always pick candidates with work experience (including voluntary work) over those who have none. If you get to 18 with nothing to put on a CV, I won't be hiring you.
And I'm certainly not the only employer who thinks this.

It hasn't harmed the friends I had at school in any way.

A handful had one summer job and / or some volunteer work. They all now have excellent positions.

(Most of the people from my school days on my university course were wealthy!)

But the studies into the impact of term-time jobs on students do say that it does have a significant detrimental impact on grades, and that's what the teachers in this thread have observed too.

It's difficult to be sure that those students would have put in the hours of study anyway. The students who are not motivated by school aren't likely to magically become motivated if they don't have a job.

I agree that if they're working many hours and are tired then it will likely have an impact, but babysitting and doing your homework whilst you're there, less likely to have an impact.

My 17 yr old daughter is at college - she has a p/t job, but it is directly related to her course so the two things complement each other.

A p/t at 16/17 doesn't inherently add value to a young person's future. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.

Problem with under 18s getting p/t jobs is that there aren't as many opportunities as there used to be. And what opportunities there are don't pay very well and are often unreliable. That's not to say that under 18s can't or shouldn't try to get p/t work but I think it's better to decide on a child-by-child basis. There is no right or wrong.

That's fine if they are babysitting (would you put that on a CV?) but chances are it will be something like McDonald's (24 hours now, great ) or restaurants or shops where starting at 5 after school or college and ending at 11/midnight. Pressure to pick up shifts, bad pay.

I know there are some good employers who are fair to their young people but many more aren't.

I wouldn't personally expect a child of mine to do this. I would want them to focus on their studies and for that to be their job.

Pressure to pick up shifts, bad pay

Both of which are things they are likely to encounter within their working lives, learning how to deal with work issues, including saying no, is a great work skill.

And I don't consider a 16 year old a child as such, they are young people and treating them as a child doesn't really help them.

one of dd's friends who will be 21 in the summer, has never managed to find herslf work
partly because she can't get out of bed

Is the Bank of Mum and Dad extending her credit indefinitely?

She'd have a hell of a shock in our house

I think too many people panic unnecessarily when it comes to pushing teens out to get jobs. I also think it's probably people projecting how their own parents demanded they get jobs when they were still at school. I know mine did, and I hated it, so said I would never make mine do it. Your DS will be OK OP. Working a few shifts each week on the tills at Tescos at 17 isn't going to have any more or any less affect on his future. Sounds like he is doing just fine.