For pushing 17 year old DS to get a job?

[WickedWitchoftheWestCountry]

(Regular poster but nc)

I don't think IABU but its becoming a real bone of contention so want to see what others think.

DS is 17, nearly 18, and in his 1st year of a Btec extended diploma. He works hard at college (he's doing something he loves). He's got a nice gf, lots of friends, social, but no excessive drinking, etc, so all ok.

However he's doing nothing about looking for a pt job. He's had a couple of jobs since leaving school which just seemed to end (apparently not needed anymore), but since November he's not worked at all and is doing nothing about it, despite me constantly being on his case, offering to help with CV, etc.

I give him money for lunch and bus fares and I pay for his phone, but that's it, he just doesn't seem bothered about having money at all.

I worked pt from when I was 16 and believe it's good for young people to work and earn their own money and want to install a good work ethic in him. But basically he's lazy.

My question is how much of an issue should I make this? I'm thinking of saying I won't pay for his phone after next month of he's not working. Or should I just let him focus on college and get off his back?

I would not have allowed my DDs to work when they were doing their A-levels. Their job was to get the best results they could.

Blimey. My children worked through A levels, college and Uni.

Didn't kill them.

And unless they need all As followed by a First, don't see why they shouldn't.

It actually never really crossed my mind until recently that students worked because parents wanted them to!

I work in a pretty affluent area and a lot of our parents stop paying for anything at all for their children once they are in sixth form : so they are funding school books and trips, in addition to petrol, socialising etc. You could argue it's good for budgeting, but they rarely save any money. It's like water through their hands!

Some employers are really quite bad as well : 16 and 17 year olds are cheap labour...

Many students say they will give up working in the run up to exams : but they never do.

A PP mentioned cleaning at the school : some of ours do that and that's a good half way house .

I would say, if he is doing a BTec that must be quite vocational , so work experience, whether paid or unpaid, in his field would definitely be a good idea in the summer.

But Nanny everyone works at their own level. Some people need to work just as hard, and with as much devotion, to get three Cs as other do to get three As...

Ds1 is the same age doing a levels. I want him to focus and concentrate on doing the best he can.
He has enough going on without trying to fit in a job. I have worked in a supermarket and seen the pressure applied (however subtle )to persuade students to work. One of his friends is working in afternoon study periods instead of studying.

Underperforming in exams that will lead to a much better salary for the sake of minimum wage now seems a poor decision to me. I would let him study.

What's interesting Barbara is when I check UCAS personal statements (students often write too much and need editing help) I ALWAYS tell them to cut the bit about their part time job. Unis aren't interested; they don't want students who won't focus on studies and they would rather hear about love of subject. The stuff about work often adds nothing of interest. Likewise, Oxbridge said, unless relevant, they don't even care about hobbies!!

Relevant work experience or voluntary work is a different matter, however.

Working a few hours a week won't stop people getting good results.

No-one suggesting full time. Literally one or two shifts a week and if there is something available in his intended field, that could open all sorts of doors for him.

"Their job was to get the best results they could"

Totaly agree with this. Really don't want my ds17, to work whilst doing alevels. I know some could cope, but I feel he needs to focus on studying.

I got a job in the holidays when in the sixth form and just couldn't go back to school. Regretted it for years after. If he's not pestering for cash I would leave well alone.

Doing well at college adds real value to your employability or paves the way to go to uni. And given there are few other times in life were you don't have to compromise your performance to balance other concurrent demands, I think you should let him get on with it.

Small gains at the beginning of your adult life can make huge differences later on.

Barbara students find that difficult to manage. Several of us have pointed out how manipulative employers are. A couple of shifts a week escalates quickly and may teen jobs involve late night working. Often, they are actually even breaking laws!

I live near Centerparcs... don't get me started. Our students are basically Centerparcs employees who come to school part time!

My ds is in Year 11 at school doing A levels and has had a Saturday job since October. He decided to get a job as he wanted extra money for vinyls, going out, etc. I pay for all extra curricular activities, music lessons, athletics, phone. I think it's good to have a small part time job as it develop different skills. It doesn't interfere with school work as I know he would just lie in and meet friends otherwise. He has to be at school all day and had plenty of time for studying in between lessons.

Well it's all changed since I did it then. Everyone worked in the sixth form and through university. It was considered a disadvantage to not have as you wouldn't have an employer's reference.

I did my degree in five years not three as I did it on day release so worked 30 hours a week for my employer at the same time and got a First.

I can't find many studies around regarding the effects of part time jobs on exam performance, but those I can find suggest a negative impact on grades;

www.google.ca/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2015/mar/28/saturday-jobs-damage-exam-grades-teenagers

www.google.ca/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/part-time-jobs-harm-exam-results-1111654.html%3Famp

news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/4462956.stm

Year 12!

I'm not sure I believe all these teenagers study on Saturdays tho!

That was a very specific degree then perhaps Barbara

But no one needs an employer's reference on a university application! Never did!

Part time working is not new always been the bane of my life

I agree that relevant work experience can be very important for some futures.

I'm not in the UK and my teenagers are under much less pressure at school. Part time work is a normal part of life here, from as early as 15.

My dd (16) works at McDonalds and does from 8 - 20 hours a week and will continue to do something similar through the rest of school and university. She likes the money and is a straight A student and able to do other hobbies etc too. We do keep an eye on the hours as she has some chronic health issues.

ds (17) talks about getting a job but has done very little about it and we are starting to get a bit concerned as he really needs to have got some work experience under his belt before university as he will need the money there and competition may be stiff for decent jobs so having no experience will really disadvantage him. He's not driven by the need for cash at all so is hard to motivate.

fliss : he has time for studying in between lessons?

Eh?

I am not doubting you : just confused by that statement!!

Buttercups my DS , year 11 does 4 -5 hours revision on a Saturday not willingly and the same on Sunday plus football.

He has no social life, though!

Oh and watching ds playing games online while dd works doesn't make me think that he's really better off without a job. All a matter of balance, but here showing that you can get great grades while holding down a job, doing voluntary or community leadership work and often a sport too is very much the bar to aspire to. Great grades alone isn't thought to be enough.

Yes, he's doing three A levels and in between lessons has free periods where he has to do his own studying in the,sixth form centre He's at school 9 to 3 pm.

But, as you said nooka you aren't in the UK...

Oh, I just saw your correction. makes more sense now!

Are you sure he is actually working hard in those study periods.... ??!

Both my DC worked 12-16 hours a week whilst at sixth form, and also carried on with part time jobs during university
Partly because I couldn't afford to sub them, but also because they wanted driving lessons, car etc
I also used to pay them a tenner a week each to do cleaning for me, above and beyond their normal share of household chores
I really miss that - they were the most reliable cleaners I have ever had!
It also helped them when they left home - I remember going to collect him from halls at end of his first year and the porter remarked on the high standard he had left his room in and wished there were more students who did
Perhaps you could suggest help at home in exchange for phone contract extra expense money etc

I think you would be better letting him concentrate on college if you don't need the money. I got my first part time job at 14, and worked through school, college and uni, I survived but I'm pretty sure I would have got higher grades if I had just had my education to focus on and I had no social life at all, because although I had planned to work part time I kept being offered extra shifts and frankly thought about the money more than i did the amount of studying I needed to do, and obviously being younger I got paid less so extra shifts were always offered to me first.

BTEC involves a lot more coursework than A-levels as well, and I know mine involved a hell of a lot more homework than my A-levels did (I did both) plus the assessments are constant, so its not like he can just take time off work in exam periods, which a lot of A-level students do, so it's not really the same thing as the posters whose DC have worked through A-levels.

There is an argument about it looking good on his CV to have some work experience but he has had part time jobs already so there is experience there, plus he could always get a summer job. And you said he is working hard at college so I think he's got the work ethic already.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup my son's head of 6th form told them on day one that their only job was to study, so they shouldn't get a job.

Being my son, he only listened to the bit that suited him, so he didn't get a job (or study 🙄). To be fair, where we live there aren't that many jobs for adults, let alone 16 year olds.

My daughter is just finishing her AS year and has been vaguely considering a job, but she finds her college work quite hard. Between college, homework and spending time with her boyfriend, there's no time for a job at the moment.

Neither of them were/are bothered about money. It was never an incentive for my son to work as he didn't go out or want clothes. My daughter gets her DLA paid straight to her so she manages fine on that.

I think I'm a fairly crap parent compared to most on here though. DS didn't go to uni, and has a full time job which he's enjoying for now. DD doesn't want to go to uni, and to be honest I'll be so proud of her if she just passes her A-Levels. I've had my young adult life (and enjoyed every minute), it's up to them to live theirs now. As long as they are happy, I'm not really into pushing them.

I worked 11 hours a week during AS and A2 and got 2A* and an A. (English Lit, History, and Religious Studies so lots of essay writing too) It definitely is possible to work and still do well in exams but my parents would not have pushed it on me. If you want to do it you need to be motivated. I think it actually made me do better at school because I had less time to procrastinate and just had to get on with my work.