To think this is the wankiest thing I've ever eaten?

[Mrsknackered]

Aspen fries.
Apparently cooked in truffle oil and they have a 'peak' of Parmesan dumped grated on top, like the snowy mountain.
They cost £5, came in a tiny wire basket and the Parmesan formed a plasticky sheet of dandruff which welded to the first layer of chips.
I don't know why I let the waiter talk me into them.
What's the wankiest thing you've eaten?!

The next course was served on stones and the dessert was served on moss but at least not a shovel!

This chocolate range...

DH and I once went to a restaurant with ideas above its station. It used really long, thin rectangular plates which didn't actually fit on the table without moving stuff onto another table.

For starter DH had a noodle soup. It came as a consommé type soup with a large syringe (proper plastic medical style job with gradations up the side) of gloop which he had to inject into the soup where it set into noodles. Go knows what chemicals were used to create this effect. When it was done it looked like tapeworms swimming in bovril. I think it tasted like that too.

Not sure I can eat parmesan ever again having used one of those battery powered foot filer thingies...

This thread reminds me of the 'anti-matter' chopsticks in Red Dwarf

[]

DH and I went to a restaurant that was trying miserably to be upmarket. My chicken breast was cut in half and then stood on its end. It looked like a grey knob. Not very appetising.

I sort of like food served in little pots and baskets, not on slate or bits of wood though (and definitely not on a shovel!).

I'm on a diet so following Marjorie's advice and just eating dust.

I had was served a carrot that was actually carrot gel made into the shape of a small carrot once - bit pointless

Crostini Variopinti...or beans on toast zhuzhed up! Actually quite nice and an exception on the 'wankometer of foodstuffs'

Hand creamed cakes always makes me cringe! Hand finished/squeezed/made...well, what else would you expect if you are in an eating establishment with a chef cooking?

Hopping the carrot thing reminds me of some wankery I saw on Great British Menu once. A chef served spherified pea purée. He mushed up some peas, mixed them with some chemicals and then dropped them into liquid to create small pea sized balls of it. So basically peas

Funniest: paying £300 for a meal at Le manoir only for one dish to have purslane. The same weed, my granny used to pay me £1 to clean her garden 30 years ago.
I am sending every single dish served to me on anything that is not a plate. Minus cheese platters. "Could you bring me a plate to eat this? I don't need a chopping board to cut it first, I can do that on the plate. Thank you". Same for drinks served in old metal tins. Ew.

What's the wankiest thing you've eaten?!

An avocado rainbow salad from a certain very posh and expensive establishment. It was just lettuce radish and about two slices of avocado. No sauce or nothing to even make it slightly palatable. It tasted as disappointing as the £8 each we'd both forked out on them.

DM and I washed the horrible taste away with a cream cake after as a necessity.

A close second is the 'veg pot' I thought was vegetable hotpot. Stupidly.
It came complete with salad in an actual plant pot and beetroot slices carved into 'flowers'. The soil was hummous.

I went to a lovely 2 Michelin star restaurant. Everything was great and seemed to add to the meal and the experience. Apart from these tiny mushroom gel things. They tasted like campbells mushroom soup. But less mushroomy. Real mushrooms would have added to that dish. These did not.

I've just had a shockingly low-brow Bombay Bad Boy for lunch

To be truly wanky you need to serve it poured onto a heap of Smash.

Scandelicious is the mossy dessert two unwrapped Viscount biscuits?

The wankiest things I have ever eaten were from a restaurant in Stockport called where the light comes in. There's no menus, it's whatever has been "sourced" and "foraged" that day, several courses, all accompanied by matched local organic wines, or juices for the non drinkers. All foam and bits of nothingness. And eye wateringly expensive. Not what you would expect in Stockport at all!

I had a rellie visit from India and she became so enamoured with Gregg's sausage rolls, I wouldn't be surprised if she started a franchise there! She's a right foodie too, normally the chips described in the op would be her idea of proper food, but she was down at Gregg's everyday after eating one of those!

Went to a posh restaurant, had the 6 course tasting menu

I like food served in different ways, bit bored of the wooden boards and chip baskets now though. Although the little baskets are cute and I like when they serve food in those tin camping cups.

Never really eaten anything I'd describe as wanky, don't think I visit posh enough places. I hate when menus offer a 'go skinny' on burgers though, which just means no bread bun and extra salad instead of chips. That's not a burger!! And they expect you to pay the same price for it

Best chips....salt and pepper chips from the Chinese takeaway, yum!! wonders if boyfriend will go get me some

BramblyHedge I completely agree about that chocolate brand. I tasted one on Friday, it had quinoa in it FFS.
It wasn't nice. It was flavoured with Lapsang Souchong tea which tastes of kippers IMHO.
(Buy the Montesuma's from the shelf below. It's lovely and far less wanky!)

Really want (proper) cheesey chips now!!

Wankiest thing I've ever eaten... my friend's hubby tricked me into trying protein pancakes. Made from banana flavoured protein powder... to this day that remains the single most offensive thing I've ever put into my mouth.

notborntothemanor "Dust, anybody? No? Dust."

Loving this thread. Absolute winner by a mile is Scandi's leaves.

Please can the PP who talked about the chips say where they're from? Like another poster, I'm hoping for west London

Maybe wanky but oh so good !
Steam train into town , one of these bad boys and steam train home .
Sorted !

Sabayon of pearl tapioca with island creek oysters and sturgeon caviar