To think this is the wankiest thing I've ever eaten?

[Mrsknackered]

Aspen fries.
Apparently cooked in truffle oil and they have a 'peak' of Parmesan dumped grated on top, like the snowy mountain.
They cost £5, came in a tiny wire basket and the Parmesan formed a plasticky sheet of dandruff which welded to the first layer of chips.
I don't know why I let the waiter talk me into them.
What's the wankiest thing you've eaten?!

I like this thread :) rhe posh cheesy chips do sound lovely, I love truffle oil

My SIL once served thick pea soup in long thin shot glasses. It was really strange. DH knocked his back as if it was a shot but it was hot and thick and just weird.

'Smoked, aged Gorgonzola melted onto a Clay fired Ciabatta'

It was posh cheese on toast I paid £8 for and very run of the mill at that!

Any type of foamed food is wanky. I don't get it and it doesn't taste nice.

lamb main which came with a lid on the dish when said lid was lifted off you got a smell of rosemary air. Dessert was served with dry ice and straw, I just wanted my cheesecake

Reminds me of - "may I go ahead and chisel your aromasphere?"

Was that at HUSH op (the aspen fries)?

wankiest thing was a deconstructed cheesecake, the crushed biscuit base was served in a little tin bucket and spade, the cream cheese bit was smeared on the slate like someone hadn't washed up, the strawberry bit was in a tiny glass bottle.

I can't remember who up thread said they had a low brow Bombay bad boy. I'm hoping that is as in the pot noodle?

Bwahahahaha 😂

it was only a pot noodle, alas, not a Saturday morning sexual adventure!

Another erotic illusion shattered!

No it wasn't at Hush, it was at the Crankbrook in SE London.
The cheesecake with a spade got me

Oops! It's the Brookmill not the Cranbrook

Ah ok! Hush in Mayfair (so of course wanky) do them too

I took my grandmother out to eat with my sisters for her birthday, she is in her late 90's and has dementia, she isn't one to talk quietly or use tact.

She had a fruit crumble for pudding but when it arrived we were told by the waiter that it was 'deconstructed' crumble.
Basically it was an ice cream scoop of stewed fruit in the middle of a slate, a sprinkling of crumble topping on one side and a full ladle of custard balanced on the other, my Nan sweetly asked if the kitchen staff hadn't completed the part of their training where they learnt how to assemble a basic dish, she also requested to go into the kitchen and do it her bloody self because she'd do a better job!

I really really want a sausage roll now. Like a PP I'm hungover and have been fantasising about rubbish food. In the absence of a sausage roll I think dinner might be chicken super noodles with chopped frankfurter....on a potato waffle

Wankiest thing ever eaten? My starter at the Dorchester Hotel.

Four test tubes in a rack, green sludge in each one. I asked the waiter what it was, as it didn't match the description of what I'd ordered. To this day I have no idea what he said. He said to sip each one, which I did. Tasted ok, nothing special. Whole meal was over priced nonsense, so we got chips from a van on the way home

for anyone who thought food in an ironic basket or on a slate was bad....
close your eyes now

That shovel!
I saw those little chop trollies on sale in a shop recently- James Whatshisname sells a line of non-plate "dish" things.

If anyone ever serves me a deconstructed dessert...

Good god Full English on a shovel!? Where?

Edible flower salad. (Work thing so no choice) Expected Salad with some edible flowers. Everyone was presented with a large mixing bowl each full of flowers (nasturtiums, marigolds, geraniums (I think) and the odd borage flower). No other ingredients. No dressing. So very very dull.

Ah yes the deconstructed desserts why just why? I don't want some broken biscuit, blob of cream and a shot of strawberry purse I want a sodding cheesecake!

Deconstructed coffee, coffee place in London when visiting for the day I order a latte and I get an espresso with a cup of frothy milk next to it so I'm paying to mix my own coffee now?

Purée not purse

This was from a fancy Michelin starred restaurant I went to. Six Leaves.

Six Leaves !! I guess it could have been worse, they could have been served on a shovel !

Bacon and eggs on a shovel was what the fireman used to cook for himself and the engine driver in the days of steam trains. I always thought it sounded mouthwatering in that context, but I doubt it would be the same in a restaurant.