Is he unreasonable or am I for letting him down

[Busybee233]

He moved in with me last summer, I'm naturally a messy person but clean. I have my pile of Cloths my side of the bed. Make up everywhere and other bits of mess in places. I promised my boyfriend I would have a big clean and sort out around Christmas. I keep starting it and then never finishing it. He always gets annoyed if he finds eg my shoes on the floor he will throw them down my side of the bed. this morning I found he had thrown my tooth paste on my laundry basket it was all over my dress. apparently I had left it in a stupid place like the floor I know this isn't true as my water bottle was on the table next to it and that was there to. This week I arranged to go out Saturday night for drinks and Tuesday for bowling he mentioned I still had my room to tidy. This week I had started it and realised made a good start along with working and having some big family stress. I told him I couldn't let my friends down again I've bailed on them loads recently due to last minute family stuff. His reply was so you won't let them down but you let me down loads with deadlines of sorting out your room am I not important. He amazing with everything else let's me go out when ever I want normaly helps me so much with life and I love him dearly

[RedSkyAtNight]

I'm wondered if the OP actually means "Cluttered" rather than "messy"

I'm reading this thread as

-OP has lived in this room for a long time and pre DP moving in, it was fllled to capacity with her things.

• DP has now moved in, but OP has not cleared out any of her things, merely stored them under the bed and in corners, to make some room for DP's stuff
  

• the room is consequently very full of things and DP is finding it very difficult to live in and is keen that OP does some clearing out - hencecomments like getting rid of the ski jacket which presumably is only worn very occasionally but takes up a lot of space
  

• this is exacerbated by the fact that OP is not naturally tidy so for example things like allowing the dirty washing to pile up in overflowing baskets
  

I'd be interested to know what the ratio of DP's things to OP's things is ...

[Cockadoodledooo]

Busybee233 Today 08:49

He completely respects me

Seriously? Have you actually read your own posts? That is not respect.

[Busybee233]

Everything is now 50/50 with storage I'm guessing it's not messy it's cluttered think having a whole wardrobe to yourself it being full and then having your boyfriend move in and having to find space for half your cloths

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

How apologetic was he when he realised the toothpaste he threw went over your dress?

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

You seem to have a lot of excuses. 4 months is plenty of time to tidy up some clothes and make up. I suspect you are far messier than you think and I don't blame your DP for being at the end of his tether with it. You sound like a teenager.

[Wedrine4me]

Yes I think a better definition is cluttered. Just too much stuff for such a small space. He wants her to declutter which is probably reasonable.

Again was he apologetic when he realised the toothpaste covered the dress?

[Baybay16]

This is a difficult one and to be honest it's worth thinking about if you can come up with a better agreement before buying.
I consider myself messy especially compared to my oh.
I come home and can easily leave my coat lying on the bed and shoes randomly in the hallway, although the next time I wander past I will go and put them away as it does start to stress me after a while, Im just not as urgently tidy as my oh. I can leave dishes for an hour or two after dinner and he has to clean and put them away immediately.
We used to bicker about this a lot when we first moved in, he would always tidy away stuff I had left out on purpose such as a work folder on the kitchen table, and I had no idea where he would put stuff. Once I laid out my clothes for work one morning went in the other room, came back and they were gone, drove me crazy! We have slowly adjusted and now he doesn't move my things as much and I take a bit more care in keeping things tidy ( I dont love mess at all but I am more relaxed than him ).
Even though I am kind of messy ( organised mess!)I dont think I could live with someone messy too as I like my space to be clean and presentable and organised and other people's mess would drive me mad, maybe that's the case with him since you said he is also messy, maybe it's stressing him out just like his own mess?
You need to talk about what will make things less stressful, what little things you can do which will make things easier. Explain his controlling behaviour is totally unacceptable and you could maybe work out a plan of who does what? And have fun on your night out ;)

[Andylion]

He amazing with everything else let's me go out when ever I want

OP, is it actually the case that you need his permission to go out, or did you mean that he usually doesn't care if you go out with friends, as opposed to the way he is right now, because he is pissed that you haven't had tackled the mess as promised.

Although I'm not sure this matters since the massive drip-feed about beer bottles under his side of the bed.

[kali110]

Ffs will people stop calling the op a slob!
Sounds like she's doing everything!
You seem to have a lot of excuses. 4 months is plenty of time to tidy up some clothes and make up.

Maybe because she's doing all this:
i work 6 days a week and then have a family member I help look after and I do all the cooking and cleaning not tidying just cleaning I recently spent all day moving the room around to make it look better And so we had a fair divide of draw space I cleaned under his side of the bed was full of beer bottles plates and food packets
Maybe she's slightly knackered?
From the sounds of it it's not messy, he simply wants her to throw outhalf her stuff and move other things into another room even though his crap still isn't unpacked?
So it's ok for his shit to still be messy op?
It's ok for him to shove food packets and bottles down the side of the bed?
Is it because you're the one who is going to clean up?
Did he actually want you to go out with your friends thT night?
You say that the you'd left the toothpaste inthe bathroom, not on the floor, did he do it deliberately?
he let's me go out
wants me to throw out my stuff even though it's stuff i wear

Why are you with this man?
You are not a slob. It sounds like you're a slave and your 'bf's' a bully.

[DixieFlatline]

think having a whole wardrobe to yourself it being full and then having your boyfriend move in and having to find space for half your cloths

Did he actually need half your wardrobe, what with his 'culled' clothing collection? When I moved in with now DH I took the whole wardrobe. All DH needs is a deep shelf and a drawer.

[Busybee233]

He has a lot of suits for work shirts and a few coats less than me but way more than I expect a guy to have

[lelapaletute]

Incompatibility. Doesn't sound like either of you are going to bend enough to meet in the middle. Your house. He can like it or lump it. If you don't want him to leave, you'll need to change, but as you don't want to do that, maybe he's not the one.

[Wedrine4me]

This is so frustrating. The op us still not giving away enough information about the rest of her relationship. She's been asked my numerous people about his reaction when he realised toothpaste was actually over her dress. I give up.

[Busybee233]

No he didn't apologise I wiped the toothpaste on him and walked away leaving the dress by the window on the chair to was he came out the room 15 mins later and it had dried the toothpaste he then claimed I must have put the toothpaste on my dress as over night it would have dried x

[kali110]

Omg op can you seriously not see this is wrong

[Wedrine4me]

It sounds very dysfunctional indeed. Both his actions and lack of apology but then it was pretty immature of you to wipe the toothpaste over him too. How old are you op?
You shouldn't put up with any lack of respect but that does go both ways. Work on communicating with each other in a healthy way. Don't put up with any controlling behaviour but realise that you do need to make compromises if you are living together in small spaces. But these compromises have to go both ways too.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

You wiped the toothpaste on him? Is that an autocorrect fail? Did you mean "off it"?