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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

About pil?

12 replies

Stevieo · 21/04/2017 16:30

I know im probably being precious and a little unreasonable but if anyone can tell me that then it would actually make me feel better.

Anyway, dd 8mo is suspected to be lactose intolerant, we are trailing lactose free formula but she doesn't seem to like it.

Fil is aware and was watching dd whilst I got some work done (was in the same house) anyway, I came into the room they were in to find him feeding her pizza, an pizza with extra cheese on. I told him she cant have that due to allergy but was met with "non of these allergies when ds was young" I left it as that.

Anyway, I also dont like dd having jar food, for no other reason than each time she has had a jar (twice), she has got a temperature and doesnt digest it well so neither of us get any sleep because I assume they give her tummy ache (plus we are now trying baby led weaning). Fil is looking after dd today and has just put a picture on Facebook of him feeding her jar food, he knows how I feel!

Tell me I'm unreasonable for feeling mad!

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 21/04/2017 16:33

Did you give him suitable food for your daughter/clear instructions about what she can or can't eat while he was babysitting?

confuugled1 · 21/04/2017 16:50

I'd be furious if anybody that was looking after the dc for me did that - probably doubly so if they were somebody close who you would reasonably expect to love and want the best for your dc.

I'd be very tempted to put something extremely PA on the facebook pic along the lines of FIL how many times do I have to tell you that dd can't eat those jars, although she likes the taste they cause her extreme pain afterwards. I'm really upset you think it's OK to knowingly inflict pain on your own gc - particularly as I left lunch for her with you that she could eat with any horrible after effects. Maybe when I ring you up in the middle of the night when she's screaming in pain so you can hear the consequences of your actions or maybe some of your facebook friends could tell you what they think of you ignoring yor gc"s food intolerances again'.

Ok so I probably wouldn't be brave enough to put that but I'd want to! Maybe just a post from the middle of the night to say thanks to you none of us got much sleep and your gc is screaming in pain if that happens...

5foot5 · 21/04/2017 16:57

confuugled1 I think your suggested post is more A than P!

OP I can understand why this would annoy. Even if your PIL don't agree with some of your decisions it is not their place to blatantly disregard them.

BTW I expect someone will be along soon to say that if they are providing free childcare for you you have to suck it up....

Fuzzipeg · 21/04/2017 17:01

Possible lack of understanding about lactose? I had the same with dc allergic to milk protein, he couldn't even touch dairy products without coming out in hives, but was fed butter and fish fingers with a milk product in the batter by PIL and I know they wouldn't intentionally have made dc poorly. Maybe provide all food yourself for now, with strict instructions/clear labels. It did make me extremely precious over dc so I can understand 🙂

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 21/04/2017 17:21

Doubt it's that he hasn't been told enough/clearly enough/ needs more information if he's taking pictures of himself doing exactly what he's been asked not to and putting them where he knows you'll see them.

That's 'stuff my fussy dil, I'll do what I want with my own grandchild'.

Original poster

Stevieo · 21/04/2017 22:04

Sorry for late reply, been nursing dd who suprise suprise has a temp and is extra wriggly in her sleep. No clear instructions given, I just thought common sense not to give her foods which she may be allergic to I don't say no jars because I'm a snob, dp says its just coincidence she gets a temp after having jar food but now the fourth time she has had one she gets a temperature! She eats what we eat and is pretty good at feeding herself which is easier imo than heating a jar and spoon feeding

OP posts:

Heirhelp · 21/04/2017 22:11

I would not be leaving my child in their care.

My Dad can't get his head around the fact my DD cant have lactose but DD would not be left in his care so it is not an issue.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 21/04/2017 22:13

I'd be very tempted to put something extremely PA on the facebook pic along the lines of .....

Why? Why would you even conceive that would be a good idea? Seriously?

Thinkingblonde · 21/04/2017 22:24

It could very well be the jars of baby food that is causing a reaction.
You'd be surprised at how many foods contain milk...apart from the usual butter, cheese, yoghurt and ice cream and milk puddings it can be found in some types of bread, biscuits, batter, pancakes, crumpets, fish cakes (not all). And loads of other foods.
You still need to be vigilant even after this as the manufacturers sometimes change the ingredients and add milk.
You and DH need to have strong words with FIL as he's ignoring the health and wellbeing of your dd to point score over you.
She is your child not his.
My gd is cmpa, things are much better now but it was awful at first until she finally got diagnosed, she was on prescription only formula but it took 5 months for a diagnosis.

Thinkingblonde · 21/04/2017 22:30

I would ring him up in the middle of the night the next time she's screaming in pain.
Allergies aren't a fad, people had allergies in 'his day' but weren't recognised as often as they are now.
Make it clear that she's only to have the food that you provide for her.

confuugled1 · 21/04/2017 23:32

StillDriving I did say that I'd be tempted but that I wouldn't be brave enough to do so... Having said that, I agree with Rumbling that he knows exactly what he is doing by posting the picture of him feeding your dd what you've asked him not to.

Which is why I would be tempted to do it - particularly if dd was suffering - as it would help to calm my anger, in the same way venting on here can help. But I just wouldn't go through with it.

GoodDayToYou · 22/04/2017 00:26

YANBU. I think fil is being disrespectful and that you/dp are going to have to be more assertive and specific with him. Personally, I wouldn't leave her in situations where he might feed her without your supervision.

Flip