To think my Friend only wants me for my son?

[HorseDentist]

Long time friend, 9 years+. Met at Uni and have been close since. I only have a few friends where as she has lots and spreads herself thin. Recently our contact has reduced a lot due to work pressures and as mentioned above spreading herself thinly and making too many plans.

I haven't seen her in person for 3 months and she hasn't joined in on the group message for about a month. But we are all busy so this isn't out of the norm. She did cancel plans we had about 3 weeks ago by text for work reasons and didn't respond to requests to rearrange so I just left it to her to make contact.

She loves children, in particular my DS (4) and occasionally takes him out for the day. She is single and childless and DS looks a lot like her and has said before that she loves it when people call her his mum.

So today I have a text from an unknown number asking to take DS out for lunch. I know it is her from the style of text. It just said "is DS available for a lunch date tomorrow? Xx" I replied asking if it was her and why the number was different and she confirmed she changed it but didn't give an explanation why she hadn't given it to me.

Now I'm at a loss. She was a very good friend and loves DS, and he loves her. But it feels as if she is only in contact for my son. I'm working tomorrow and she knows this so it would be only seeing him. I feel a bit uncomfortable with it but on the other hand I don't want to lose the friendship as we used to be close.

How would you respond?

New message sounds a lot better and more open to the relationship continuing if this was just a blip on her part.

Hope you hear sooner, rather than later HORSEY, then one way or another, you can put this to bed.

No I would never allow a friend to do this. It would ring massive alarm bells for me. You're his mother and he is not a doll for her to take out. She is not his auntie or granny so her behaviour has red flags all over it..she has issues

So a person has to be a blood relation to care for a child Bluebell? I guess people should drastically lower their expectations of step-parents then.

No I would never allow a friend to do this.

Why not? My friend of nearly 30 years helps me with child care. DD and DFriend have had days out together many times. They adore each other. Only my friend doesnt treat my DD like an accessory, but a person she enjoys spending time with.

I had a reply.

• I haven't got a new number. I don't know why it's not coming up with my usual one. I swapped phones and they should have transferred my number. Looks like I'll have to ring them! I'm pretty Free apart from work so when are you free? Xx *

I think I'm going to go with a vague reply, not committing to any contact until my feelings have cooled a little.

well that sounds hopeful!

At least she's not sulking. You can meet up when you're ready to see her again and go forward with some boundaries

Tbf the phone number thing could be true - same thing happened with a client of mine recently

Either that or she knows she's been rumbled and is trying to keep contact with your DC... that's my cynical side..

if you change phones and you have to change sim you can ask for your old number to stay the same. Sometimes it's straightforward sometimes you have to ask for it to be done.

Generally I wouldn't have too much of an issue with a friend spending time with my DC (clutching straws a bit I know), however ..............Her lavishing in your DS being hers is just plain odd and personally I'd run for the hills. It's very odd, strange and frankly a bit alarming behaviour on her part.

Charlestownchaplin and Zali you're right I posted and ran ..I meant a friend like the one in the OP sorry

That reply would set my mind at ease. Maybe it us just a blip. People can be careless of other people's feelings without realising it sometimes. Not excusing the behaviour but if it's an important friendship it might be worth meeting up. Good idea to wait until you've cooled off though

That's a totally normal reply. Get your head together then give her some dates.

The phone thing happened to me when I moved networks my old number was meant to have transferred after 48hrs I was able to text didn't realise it hadn't apprently it's at least 48hrs so I'm sure it willl happen eventually! I think you should give her some dates personally you said she was HBO g a rough time maybe she didn't feel up commenting on the group chat. She seems to be reaching out to you to try and get back to normal while I agree she can't be friends with you just for your Ds this seems like she's trying to me.

Honey, unless I have misunderstood the thread I do think you may be jumping to conclusions. I am reading what your friend has done and it doesn't sound so bad. Some people are rubbish at keeping in contact and just because you do things like group chats she may not like it. I do agree the best thing is to talk rather than text. It's so easy to completely misunderstand someone's intentions because of poor wording. Leave it a bit if you want but do not close the door on her yet. Your DC loves her, she loves spending time with him. Pick up the phone then her soon. Much easier than texting. She is an old friend. Give it another shot. Fingers crossed for you all that it all works out.