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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go swimming without shaving?

425 replies

ArriettyMatilda · 18/04/2017 21:10

I am not a regular shaver. It's time consuming, occasionally itchy during regrowth and I hate myself for feeling like I have to conform to society's expectations plus I'm lazy I really want to take dd swimming more regularly but I really can't be bothered with maintaining a smooth bikini line and legs.

I am well aware that I wouldn't even be asking this if I was a man, but I can't shake the feeling that someone will be disgusted by my hair. I'm so annoyed that I feel like I have to remove part of my body to become an acceptable member of society.

Would you judge me for having hairy legs and hair around my bikini line? If you don't like shaving what do you wear swimming?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

AgentCooper · 19/04/2017 11:18

But I completely, wholly agree that we should be able to do what we want with our pubes. No guilt from me if you remove, no guilt if you don't.

AlmostStace · 19/04/2017 11:19

OP, you said it yourself: "I'm so annoyed that I feel like I have to..." rather than "I'm so annoyed that I have to". This is about how you've been made to feel by current patriarchal norms, not about what you want for yourself. I stopped shaving anywhere three years ago and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Felt slightly self-conscious at first; now when I catch someone double-taking at my armpits then trying not to look, it makes me snigger. Trust me; the more you do it, the easier it gets, and the more liberated you feel.

As regards the specific line of de-hair-cation that seems to be under the most debate here: the area above / inward from the natural diagonal fold line which occurs when you bring your leg up to your body is pubic; the area below / outward from that line is thigh. Personally I think it's a shame that we're so ashamed of our nudity as a society but that's another argument, so, I judge it thusly: I'll keep my pubic area covered in public and if I happen to have a few strays that creep onto the thigh area, it's really no-one's fucking business.

To those that say this is a decency / privacy / respect issue rather than a feminist one, please answer this question honestly: does the sight of a woman in very high cut swimwear (i.e. cutting above the line described above) who has shaved / waxed accordingly offend you?

peaceloveandbiscuits · 19/04/2017 11:20

I heartily recommend every woman should conduct a personal social experiment by not shaving her armpits or legs for three months and see how it makes her feel. Not anyone else, just her.

brassbrass · 19/04/2017 11:22

Grow the fuck up.

Go swimming op. Get a huge merkin/thigh mat and stroke gently as you walk around the pool

Thanks for that grown up contribution Realistic and helpful too.

brassbrass · 19/04/2017 11:27

Yes. You see some odd ones. Screams of 'look at me look at me' and no thanks I really don't want to.

Remember those 80's designs, pretty much in every pop video. Yuk.

shellhider · 19/04/2017 11:27

I swim daily and I've never noticed hair on anybody. I'd be more concerned about why another swimmer was staring at my crotch than whether I'd got any pubes showing.

SapphireStrange · 19/04/2017 11:28

I don't care about the state of anyone else's pubes, but don't want mine showing in public. But I also don't want to shave/wax them.

The way around this for me has been what Crapuccino suggests: a triathlon-style cozzie with short legs.

Butterymuffin · 19/04/2017 11:30

I don't care at all. If someone is offended by my body hair that's their problem. Men don't worry about their hair offending strangers at a swimming pool so why should we?

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 19/04/2017 11:32

I don't feel the need to shave before swimming. I have blonde leg hair and assume no-one's looking closely enough to notice. I choose to shave my pits twice weekly, and so there's a good chance I'm sporting stubble on any given day. My bikini line is au naturel, but I have a legsuit similar to that posted at the start of the thread, so it's fully covered.

I doubt anyone would notice pubic hair in any case. Unless you're in and out of the water at a fun pool, the walk between the pool and the showers must be seconds.

BertrandRussell · 19/04/2017 11:34

"the skin pubes grow out of is equally private. What a stupid question.

Or are you suggesting women get their groins/labias out as well?"

No. I am asking why it is OK to wear a swimming costume that reveals a bit of pubic haired skin so long as said pubic hair has been removed

brassbrass · 19/04/2017 11:45

whether it has hair or not I don't want to see groin/labia. It's possible to cover that up in a low cut swimsuit (not even a boyleg one).

As posters have pointed out some women are hairier than others so it varies as to how much gets covered. But there are a variety of suits available for those women that want the coverage.

I think you're being purposely obtuse or you've some other issue. OP asked about not shaving and still being able to swim. Cossies were suggested to her that would enable her to do that without drawing unwanted attention to herself.

GladAllOver · 19/04/2017 11:47

As the spider said to the fly,
"I'm only scary 'cos I'm hairy" :)

ChaiTeaTaiChi · 19/04/2017 11:55

Cossies were suggested to her that would enable her to do that without drawing unwanted attention to herself

You're telling her that you staring at her and judging is HER fault and she should cover herself up so as to stop YOU giving her unwanted attention....now where have we heard that kind of reasoning before?

brassbrass · 19/04/2017 11:57

No that's not at all what I said but I'll ignore those looking for a silly bun fight.

Ontopofthesunset · 19/04/2017 11:58

I wouldn't be looking at a man's crotch in Speedos, but if I did and he had some pubic hair visible, why would I care? It's just hair. Men often have hairy thighs anyway so I don't suppose I'd notice.

I repeat, it's just hair. Just because the hair follicle is near your pudendum doesn't make it disgusting or unhygienic. Presumably most of any visible hair would be growing on the thighs anyway, not actually on the labia, unless some people have very long hair.

It's not immature or not 'grown up' to suggest that people should not be disgusted by the sight of a few pubic hairs. We don't need to make these things taboo. No one is suggesting going swimming without pants on. Women have hair between their legs. It is normal. If some of it is sometimes visible that is OK.

How can people bear to go swimming with their actual genitals and anuses only enclosed by a bit of fabric?

MollyHuaCha · 19/04/2017 12:07

Do not shave anything. Most men do not remove body hair. Just go, swim, enjoy, relax. The idea that women have to prepare their bodies in this time-consuming and expensive way is ludicrous. Please, just go to the pool as you are - tell 'em Molly sent ya!

brassbrass · 19/04/2017 12:09

yes well done on being progressive and seeing every one's point of view. The fact that you can't accept that some people on this thread would prefer not to expose their own or have exposed to them other's people's pubes says more about you. It's a preference. Doesn't need to involve judgement or misogyny. But some of you seem to be looking for a row. (Ah yes this is AIBU so derailing and scrapping is compulsory)

It's your way or not at all is what is coming across. Which kind of goes against the whole hippy live and let live I'm so tolerant ethos doesn't it? You're quick to label anyone that has another opinion/preference.

TheLuminaries · 19/04/2017 12:09

Some men have massively hairy backs and shoulders - no -one makes them wear a T shirt. Body hair is completely normal. It is not unhygienic. it is not disgusting and it is not ugly. If you find it any of those, that is your damn problem and no-one should have to cover up because you are scared and offended by ordinary human bodies.

Ontopofthesunset · 19/04/2017 12:13

But what is the preference based on? Why would seeing someone's pubic hair be upsetting? I'm obviously not talking about a full crotch flash but the odd straggling hair or dark shadow on the thigh. What can the preference be based on if not a misogynistic world view, or, at the very least, a world view in which women have to render themselves hairless (which some would call misogyny)?

If people don't want to show their pubic hair, fine. I certainly don't go out of my way to show mine. But what most posters are saying is that you shouldn't have to feel constrained by the idea you might upset someone who has frankly baffling views about grooming. I'm not going to not go swimming just in case a pube sneaks into view when my cossie rides up. And I'm not going to shave just in case someone sees it.

brassbrass · 19/04/2017 12:18

I haven't analysed my preferences. I don't like other people's pubes male, female, animal, mineral, vegetable!

Again you're looking for an argument. Surely the point is there are options. For all the women on this thread and their preferences.

BertrandRussell · 19/04/2017 12:22

"It's your way or not at all is what is coming across. Which kind of goes against the whole hippy live and let live I'm so tolerant ethos doesn't it? You're quick to label anyone that has another opinion/preference."

You can remove yours if you want to. It's when you suggest that I should remove mine because that is preference that I have a problem.

Happyhippy45 · 19/04/2017 12:22

I bought swim leggings and a swim t shirt. I don't want to shave but I don't want to feel judged/self conscious......I'm just not brave enough to display my hairyness.

brassbrass · 19/04/2017 12:25

I haven't said anything about removing mine. You're not reading the thread just squabbling.

The first cossie I posted is very similar to the one I use

Sallystyle · 19/04/2017 12:30

They are just hairs. I don't care if I see some while I am swimming and I don't care if people see mine.

It's no worse than seeing my eyebrows or the hair on my head. If other people have a problem with it then that's on them.

BertrandRussell · 19/04/2017 12:30

"The fact that you can't accept that some people on this thread would prefer not to expose their own or have exposed to them other's people's pubes says more about you"

Sorry. Not "remove" your own. Not "expose"your own. You are still suggesting that other people should not "expose" their pubic hair because you don't like it.

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