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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make dh clean up his own sick?

93 replies

plon1041m · 17/04/2017 22:47

DH came home from work today telling me he wasn't feeling well. He kept complaining about his stomach over dinner so he laid down on the couch and I put a dust bin in front of him. Well I was in bed about to doze off and I heard a retching sound, surprise surprise, DH couldn't make it to the bathroom across the hall or just the dust bin right in front of him!!! He vomited all over the couch, the floor, and himself. I came in there to help and he continued to throw up all over the couch instead of the dust bin! I'm tired and have work tomorrow and I'm pissed that he makes a huge, gross mess instead of using the toilet or the dust bin. AIBU to make him clean up his own mess?

OP posts:
andpeggy29 · 17/04/2017 23:23

I'm seriously emetiphobic. Just reading this post is making me panic!

Me and my dh have lived together for 4 years and neither of us have had a stomach bug yet. I'm dreding the day it comes! I don't have a spare bedroom to hide away in!

I honestly would divorce my dh if he did that to me. I'd never be able to trust he wouldn't ever do it again. He's well aware of this, and is really sensitive of my feelings on this.

I'm well aware I'm being crazy and unreasonable! Confused

SabineUndine · 17/04/2017 23:25

I'd guess he was assuming someone else would clean it up so he wasn't bothered. I live on my own and I've never missed the bucket yet when I've been sick, because there's only me to clean it up.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2017 23:25

As a one off I would do it but I would first take photos to show him when he is well and make it quite clear that either a) he learns to puke in a bucket or b) cleans up after himself in future.

When she was 2 DD got a horrible case of noro, she was very very ill but she managed to hit the bowl each time and if she could do it then I dont see why he cant. It almost seems deliberately dramatic, although I am sure it wasnt.

Goldfishjane · 17/04/2017 23:26

Yes I'm going to leave the thread as it's making me queasy and everyone just seems to think he did it on purpose which makes me more queasy....!

FiveShelties · 17/04/2017 23:30

Would he clean up if it was you being sick? I cannot imagine a situation where I would leave my husband to clean up if he was ill, surely no-one would do this on purpose.

Madwoman5 · 17/04/2017 23:30

If he had to clean up his own puke, maybe he will use the bin or loo next time. Nope, not your job. No matter how sick I am, I would never, ever expect someone else to clear up after me.

TyneTeas · 17/04/2017 23:31

Would he clean it up if it had been you?

Is is it a nice thing for the non-puking person to do for their poorly dp, or is it considered your job because it is cleaning

FireSquirrel · 17/04/2017 23:33

If he was already led down/feeling a bit out of it when you put the dustbin in front of him, is it possible he didn't realise you'd put it there? I do think it's a bit crap that he couldn't aim for a bucket that was right in front of him but I doubt he did it on purpose, no-one in their right mind would puke all over themselves if it could possibly be avoided. When I had awful morning sickness there was one day when this huge wave of vomit started with no warning, it went absolutely everywhere and even though my first thought was to find something to puke into I physically couldn't seem to get to the bucket (only a few feet away) or the loo, it was like my legs and arms had turned to jelly. I don't think YABU to feel annoyed but I think it would be harsh not to help him if he's in that much of a state.

FiveShelties · 17/04/2017 23:37

TyneTeas - I would never consider cleaning to be my job, but if my husband was ill I could not leave him to clean up.

SaucyJack · 17/04/2017 23:38

Not even if you were dying of Ebola Madwoman?

stumpedifiknow · 17/04/2017 23:44

When I have a migraine I can't see shit plus I have to crawl everywhere so thank fuck my husband is so caring and keeps a bucket by the bed and as soon as I start moving he's jammed my head in it so I don't have to grope around for it and can just puke my guts up. He cleans it, pops some bleach in it ready for next time and goes back to stroking my back whilst I am wishing for a quick death.

user1andonly · 17/04/2017 23:45

I'd guess he was assuming someone else would clean it up so he wasn't bothered.

I am inclined to agree with this. OK, if it hit him out of nowhere, he might not have been able to control it but he'd been feeling sick for a while and had a bucket right there so I find it very hard to believe he couldn't have got his head in the bucket in time.

I am really not sure what I would do as I cannot imagine my DH doing this unless he really had no warning at all, in which case I would help him (although it would be hideous)

What do you think he would do if it was you being sick? That would probably answer the aibu.

MrsLupo · 17/04/2017 23:46

YABU and pretty mean, imo. Sometimes bad vomiting is accompanied by weakness, dizziness, or just not being able to move for fear there'll be more vomit. No one vomits on the floor/the furniture/themselves for fun. And no, fever with a stomach bug is not in itself a good reason to call an ambulance as someone suggested upthread!

WyfOfBathe · 17/04/2017 23:48

YABU. I can't imagine not cleaning up after my DH if he was sick. He cleaned up my morning sickness two or three times when I thought I had time to run to the toilet but didn't.

Floralnomad · 17/04/2017 23:53

I'd probably clean it up the first time but I'd be having strong words about staying near the loo or next time it's their job . I can't understand why any grown person can't make it to the bathroom or bucket unless they're delirious with fever or near death - even my dog knows that if he's going to throw up he has to run to the back door , and if a dog can manage it it's not that hard.

Catherinebee85 · 17/04/2017 23:53

It's a natural response to look for some sort of receptacle when you know you're gonna vom so I don't understand why or how he managed to be sick so much over everything. However if he's still feeling terrible it's quite mean to expect him to do it all himself. If he manages it again in the night though he'd be on his own!

Badhairday1001 · 17/04/2017 23:54

My 5 year old can be sick in a bucket without making any mess, I don't know why an adult wouldn't be able to.

monkeywithacowface · 17/04/2017 23:55

I was being tongue in cheek but for the terminally stupid serious I would like to clarify that fever and vomiting are not reasons in themselves to call for emergency medical assistance. Although to be fair I did also state delirium as a symptom in which case coupled with vomiting and fever would be reason enough to seek urgent medical attention and I doubt you'd be be begrudged an ambulance

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2017 23:55

The only time I have witnessed someone throwing up with virtually no warning was with (probable) food poisoning after seafood and it was at the table at the restaurant. He went from saying "I dont feel very well" to violently vomitting within seconds.

Usually there is some warning.

I have had noro so bad that I lay on the bathroom floor and vomitted because I simply couldnt move. But when I realised that I was going to throw up, I pulled a towel off the side of the bath and threw up on that. Then when I felt able, I chucked it in the bath to sort out later. I wouldnt have just vommed and left it for DH to find and clear up.

The question isnt "Would he clean up after you?" but "Would you try to make sure he didnt have to clean up after you?". What would piss me off is not that he missed the bucket, it happens, but the fact that he didnt even seem to try to minimise the mess and that does indicate that he doesnt see it as his problem.

Karanka · 17/04/2017 23:55

I get he's ill, but why the hell does he expect you to clean it up? That's stupid.

Is there anywhere in the original post where it says the dh 'expects' her ton clean it up?

DP and I look after each other when either of us is ill

TyneTeas · 18/04/2017 00:10

Shelties

My post wasn't quoting or in response to yours, we posted at the same time

80sMum · 18/04/2017 00:12

This reminds me of the time last year when DH had a bad reaction to some Chinese takeaway food he'd eaten. He realised he was about to throw up, so got up from the chair, ran across the living room and headed for the downstairs loo, which involves going through the kitchen and utility room.

Unfortunately, he didn't make it in time and ended up spraying vomit over the entire kitchen! It splashed onto the floor as he ran through the room, rebounded up onto the bottoms of the cupboards and onto the legs of the chairs and table. It went everywhere!

Needless to say, I cleaned it up. It took me ages to clean everything, but even if he had been in a fit state to do it, I wouldn't have let him! I simply wouldn't be confident that he would clean it properly and do a thorough job. I prefer to clean the loos myself for the same reason. DH is too slap dash with cleaning and I know it wouldn't be done properly.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/04/2017 00:14

Is there anywhere in the original post where it says the dh 'expects' her ton clean it up?

I would think that if he was expecting to clear up after himself then he would make a point of minimising the job. As he didnt make any effort to contain the mess it would seem to suggest that he wasnt planning to clean it up.

Karanka · 18/04/2017 00:15

As he didnt make any effort to contain the mess it would seem to suggest that he wasnt planning to clean it up.

FFS

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/04/2017 00:16

The difference there though 80s is that he was trying to get to the loo and didnt make it. No one would think that that was unreasonable.

What is unreasonable is having a bucket right there and hitting everything except the fucking bucket!

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