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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to spend my husbands PIP on a long haul holiday?

101 replies

quietheart · 17/04/2017 10:01

Background for perspective - my DH has a PDO depression and anxiety due to an abusive and neglectful childhood. Though he works hard at staying well - our life is peppered with difficult periods - and I give him a lot of emotional support.
While all our friends were celebrating their 40th birthdays with parties and special holidays I spent the months surrounding my 40th visiting him in a MH unit. It was a very difficult time - you can not live with a person with severe MH problems without it affecting your own wellbeing.
The hospital applied for DLA which was a great help as he could not work for a few months - it is a credit to him that he has almost always maintained full time work despite struggling and periods off sick. I work FT and I have financially supported us when he has been unable to earn or earned less. We did not re apply for DLA.
He always has down periods but late last year his relapse was bad - though not enough for hospital admission - we applied for PIP - which takes ages. He was paid while off work but meanwhile was offered a new job with a bit of a pay rise and more suited to his needs - this also helped lift his mood.
He has just been awarded PIP for one year - it is our 21st wedding anniversary this year and for once I want something special - I suppose to make up for my 40th - to celebrate our marriage and to reward me for all of the bloody hard work I have put in to our relationship over the years.
The PIP will be about £4K and we no longer need it to supplement our income. WIBU to want to spend it on a long haul holiday?

OP posts:
antimatter · 17/04/2017 12:15

I think if he has anxieties knowing that there#s money in the bank saved for rainy days would help him.

It would also be good for yo to have break off somewhere with the knowledge that he is well looked after by someone. My ex had depression and although he was never admitted to hospital his long relapses were making me depressed too. With FT job and kids to look after I was under massive pressure from myself to keep everything going. It was exhausting and I can see how you may feel you deserve a break.

user1490465531 · 17/04/2017 12:30

this does annoy me tbh.
I am single parent,working and suffer with depression.
I can't afford a weekend away let alone a holiday abroad yet I would never expected a 4K pay out from the government.
This is where the benefit system is wrong some getting not enough to live on and others getting to much

Sallystyle · 17/04/2017 12:38

Like it or not OP's husband is entitled to it.

If you were entitled to PIP user you would get the same.

I would much rather my husband didn't need DLA/PIP. The money doesn't make up for the hardships we face and the mental agony he lives in every single day which will never get better.

It's not about expecting 4k from the government and considering the hoops people have to jump through to get DLA/PIP it's not an easy benefit to get. He is entitled to it .

Shakirasma · 17/04/2017 12:40

Attitudes like yours are what annoy me user1490465531 tbh

user1490465531 · 17/04/2017 12:46

I feel sorry for the disabled having benefits cut and single people living on jsa that really can't afford to live

YNK · 17/04/2017 12:49

You come across as greedy and grasping OP - it's not your money!

user1490465531 · 17/04/2017 12:51

but yes op if you don't need the cash I don't blame you for treating yourself to a holiday and I'm not saying this to be goady either.
You have the cash rightly or wrongly so if you feel a holiday would benefit you all why not?

Babyroobs · 17/04/2017 12:54

I really don't think op comes across as greedy and grasping ! She has clearly spending a lot of time looking after and supporting her ill partner. I'd assume that his pip money is going into general household income and therefore I shared money. As long as op's dh wants to go on the holiday and can cope and will benefit from the break then I don't see an issue.
Personally I wouldn't spend that amount of money on a holiday if me or my dh were at risk of becoming ill and unable to work, but that is a decision for op and her dh,

YNK · 17/04/2017 13:00

I think YABVU to want to spend your DH's PIP, no matter what on!
It's not meant for compensation for your choice of being married to him.
Apply for carers allowance if you qualify, but that money is to help him with his extra expenses due to his disability.
He should decide what that money is spent on.
It sounds like it's burning a hole in YOUR pocket, when it wasn't awarded to you!

Voice0fReason · 17/04/2017 13:01

If you have a one year pip award you will not actually receive pip for a year. Your renewal letter will come through any day. So in reality it will be 4-6 months not 12.
That's simply not true. The renewal letter will come through a few months before the award is up, but if you don't reapply, the PIP will continue to be paid up to the original end date. So you will get 12 months of payments.
The reapplication after 1 year is not the same as the original application, it is an easier process that doesn't usually require another face to face assessment.

OP, with your subsequent posts, I can understand what you are getting at. I don't think it's a bad idea to have a holiday but I do think you need to make sure it is helping your DH and not causing more stress.

MatildaTheCat · 17/04/2017 13:06

People need to realise that families come as a unit and any form of disability affects all of that unit. So yes, it may well be beneficial to the whole family to take a decent holiday. OP's dh is hardly likely to want to go on holiday alone in these circumstances.

I think it would be very prudent to keep some of the money safe ( and since it's paid monthly I assume you are meaning that you'd be 4K better off at the end of the 12 month award so there is no lump sum as such?) one reason is that the DWP are at liberty to reassess you at any point of the final 12 months and might well do so. This could result in the award being removed well before the year is up.

Ultimately you and dh know your own situation best and should feel free to spend as you wish. It's one of the many reasons I virtually never tell people in RL that I have an indefinite PIP award. The world is full of Judges of black and white when grey is a very real colour.

MatildaTheCat · 17/04/2017 13:09

Voice of Reason, my last award was three years and after two years and one day I was reassessed. The process was not much different and I lost almost eight months' of award until I was successful at appeal. This was very recent so I believe is up to date information.

JaniceBattersby · 17/04/2017 13:16

In our house all money is family money so it would absolutely be up to me (and my husband) what we spent it on.

Go on your holiday and enjoy it OP. It's not up to anyone else to tell you what to spend it on in the same way that people who claim tax credits can have a bloody massive telly should they so wish.

OnTheUp13 · 17/04/2017 13:17

I've been in a similar situation OP as my DH suffers with several MH conditions; when we had some money left to us (it wasn't a benefit pay out- a relative left me some money) We made hay whilst the sun shined and even now the memories make me smile x

AndNowItIsSeven · 17/04/2017 13:40

VoiceofReason sorry but you are wrong, if you ignore the " invatation" to renew your pip then it will end a few weeks after receiving the letter.

AndNowItIsSeven · 17/04/2017 13:41

Also f2f assessments are very common with renewals.

LovelyBath77 · 17/04/2017 13:45

Isn;t there something about having to tell them if you are abroad for any length of time, (or could be ESA, not sure). I think you do. They ask something about it, at my appeal they asked if had been out the country for more than two weeks? So best check as it might not even apply if you are away. And yes reassessments tend to be just as thorough as the original, they are keen to get people off these benefits if they can.

LovelyBath77 · 17/04/2017 13:47

Voiceofreason that is not the case. I speak from experience. They contact you around a year before the award ends and you need to reply in a month. They stop is straightaway if they feel you are no longer entititled. Thus is happening a lot, and they don't make it very clear.

LovelyBath77 · 17/04/2017 13:48

Also- it doesn;t get paid in a lump sum. It's a monthly payment. So it may well stop if OP goes off on holiday and misses the renewal etc.

Dumbo412 · 17/04/2017 13:52

Lovelybath is right about them stopping it if the forms are returned late, they did it to me last year, despite having explained the forms were late because I was too ill to leave the house.

Lovelybath, I think the 4K is backdated money

Voice0fReason · 17/04/2017 13:58

MatildaTheCat I've very recently gone through this. There are different types of awards and renewals.
Short term fixed awards - 9 moths to 2 years
Long term fixed awards - 2 years plus a year for renewal
Indefinite awards - max 10 years before renewal
Planned intervention
Unplanned intervention
Reapplication

When it's a 1 year award, that's a short term fixed award and there will usually be a planned intervention before that award runs out. That involves completing a slightly different form that asks about how your condition has changed since your original application. The boxes you tick are to say whether things are the same, better or worse. You are less likely to need another assessment though that will depend on how much your condition has changed.

It is possible to get a short term fixed 1 year award without a planned intervention date. This happens when they believe that the condition will no longer be disabling by the end date. In that case, the payments run for a year and it is up to the applicant to reapply if they need to.

You were given a longer term fixed award and they begin the process or renewal any time in the last year of the award. If your award changes in that renewal process, it will change from the decision date.

There are no circumstances where you could be awarded PIP for only 12 months but only be given 4-6 months of payments (excluding cure or fraud!). They wouldn't begin the intervention that soon after the decision.

MuncheysMummy · 17/04/2017 14:01

I am I the only who thinks you shouldn't claim it at all now if you don't need it by your own admission?! As in don't accept it!

Voice0fReason · 17/04/2017 14:04

So it may well stop if OP goes off on holiday and misses the renewal
Only if she was on holiday for a month! They give you 4 weeks to return the completed form. If there is a planned intervention date given, the form will not be sent before then so the OP would know when the form was due. If there's no planned intervention date then they can reapply at any time from the end of the award.

Babyroobs · 17/04/2017 14:11

Munchey- It's non means tested. People can still claim it if they are a millionaire as long as they meet the criteria !!

Rossigigi · 17/04/2017 14:19

How do you know what level of pip you will get??? Confused....