Page 2 | To feel murderous rage at DH's faffing

Oysterbabe · 2017-04-16T20:07:33+00:00

Anyone have a faffer in their life that leaves them fighting the urge to kill? In laws visiting and I cooked a meal. Was just serving up and asked DH to lay the table and sort out drinks. A few minutes later I pop my head round the door and he has one of the chairs upside down on the table and is tightening it with an allen key. Apparently it seemed a bit wobbly so he thought he'd tighten them all. They are no more wobbly now than they were a year ago. The other day he suggested we go to the allotment straight away as DD would probably nap and we could get some stuff done. Half an hour later DD is asleep on my lap and DH is reorganizing the medicine cabinet. He can't just do anything ever. Is it too much to ask that we just leave the house sometimes?

Believeitornot · 23/12/2017 09:57

I think it’s some sort of strange stubborn control thing “I will do this job and fuck what you’ve told me”

My dh does this a bit but sometimes I appear to faff when leaving the house. It’s usually because I got myself and then DCs ready, DH has got nothing except himself ready and I’ve got to check I’ve got everything.

JMAngel1 · 23/12/2017 10:06

Oh no this is sooo me - I am the faffer in our house and drive DH crazy - I couldn't start one job like make dinner unless the whole of downstairs is clean and tidy. I get panicky inside and feel like everything is out of control. Last week, we came home from a Weekend away at 5pm, DDs hungry but I couldn't start making dinner until all the bags from trip had been emptied and put away. Meanwhile DH decides to make mince pies as he had promised DDs we would do it that day but that was before we got stuck in traffic and were delayed 2 hours. I had assumed the baking would be shelved but no DH starts getting everything out. I thought I was going to hyperventilate - bags, baking mess then dinner to make, school bags to get ready, ironing for week - aaaargh. All to do and he's making bloody mince pies which you can buy for £1!!

DeepanKrispanEven · 23/12/2017 10:10

I still bear a grudge for the day years ago when DH invited friends round for a meal when he knew I would be out all day. I said fine, on condition that you do the shopping, tidy round and cook the meal. I got back exhausted around 40 minutes before they were due to find he had indeed done the shopping, but that was all. However, he showed me with great pride how he'd put a soap dish on the wall. He just couldn't understand my lack of enthusiasm for the dish. And then the bloody guests turned up early, I had to put on my best acting skills to welcome them and try to disguise the palpable atmosphere between me and DH.

LadyFlumpalot · 23/12/2017 10:14

I had a thread running a couple of years ago about the time DH remembered he was supposed to make a Christmas cake for his sister. He remembered when we were already 2 hours late leaving the house because I'd refused to wrap the presents I'd reminded him about 6 times for our Xmas get together with her. The Christmas cake turned into Christmas Chelsea Buns instead. 😂😂

mimiasovitch · 23/12/2017 10:17

Ah lemon - I was going to ask if he was Welsh. See also 'be there now in a minute' and 'it's over by there'.

Meowstro · 23/12/2017 10:17

My DH likes to potter and then faff afterwards. "I'll go out first thing," is actually get up, stare at a wall for 5 minutes, potter into the living room, then kitchen, have a tea, read lots of articles, grab some food, watch 3 TV shows, potter about, "Oooh, it's lunch time." Starts reshuffling Christmas cards them rearranging baby items. Before I know it, it's 3pm and he's not been, then the flapping about where he's going and what is he getting again?

Minxmumma · 23/12/2017 10:28

Ooooo I have one of these. Will not be swayed from whatever totally unnecessary distraction he has found. But then when he wants to go somewhere or something done it is a mad rush to do it now. Drives me round the twist.

iklboo · 23/12/2017 10:29

This would be DH but

Chair wobbly so decides to tighten with Allen key, turns chairs upside down
Opens cupboard to get Allen key, decided to tidy cupboard
Finds cable in cupboard he's been looking for, goes upstairs with cable
Sees bulb needs changing in lamp, comes back downstairs and goes to other cupboard to get one
Decided to start tidying that cupboard
Finds something that should go in shed
Goes out to shed
Decided to start tidying shed

Meanwhile I've tightened chair leg with the end of the butter knife and eating dinner with DS & in laws.

HelenaJustina · 23/12/2017 10:36

My DH likes to wash the car before any trip lasting longer than about 45 minutes. So while I’m busting a gut getting myself and 4DC ready, plus getting the house ready to leave, packing picnic/presents whatever... he’s giving the car a leisurely once over.

He then has the gall to stand by the door and say ‘but it’s always you we’re waiting for’ as I hurtle round at top speed trying to do everything that needs to be done.

Flatlander · 23/12/2017 10:53

Read this, then leave it lying around the house somewhere your DH will find it en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Way_Up_to_Heaven

MsWanaBanana · 23/12/2017 10:55

Whenever we go out as a family it's always me that gets all 3 dc ready (all under 5 so not quick!), get myself sorted, sort out all the pets and pack the nappy bag and everything we need to take with us. Plus my own shower, makeup, hair etc. I usually have to start about 3 hours before we need to leave. DH literally just has to sort out himself. He is also completely bald so literally takes a 10 min shower, gets dressed and is done. Yet, when it's time to leave and I've dragged everything into the car, got all the kids in their car seats and ready to go, DH is no where to be seen. We're always waiting for him in the car while he's decided to faff about to find something we don't even need in the draw that everything we don't used gets chucked in to. Then just as he's getting in the car, he'll realise he's forgotten something and will then go back into the house and faff about about 10 mins. Every single time. Without fail . Makes my blood boil!

BatShite · 23/12/2017 11:11

I am the faffer in this house

DH can have kids up showered ready, had breakfast and a cuppa...before I even get my clothes sorted. There always seems to be something else to do! Then I get sidetracked.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 23/12/2017 11:38

Batshite

Are you not trying to amend your ways? If you are aware you get sidetracked why can’t you work on it? It’s so incredibly selfish as it falls on the other person to do literally everything.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/12/2017 11:45

Dh does a version of the going-out-faffing. We will decide to go out somewhere - "Are you ready? Let's go", he'll say. I walk to the car, get in and wait. He vanishes into the house, and I sit and wait. Eventually he emerges. I have absolutely NO idea what he's doing in there - but he never has to wait for me to be ready - I suspect that is the plan.

One Christmas Eve, I asked him to whip round downstairs with the hoover, whilst I did all the kitchen stuff (prepping veg, stuffing the goose, making gravy, bread sauce, brandy butter etc etc etc). He decided that the job that really REALLY needed to be done, was deep cleaning our bedroom carpet. Just the carpet - he didn't dust or anything, but he did spend ages hoovering every inch of carpet until it looked like new. He did an amazing job of it - but all I wanted was clean floors downstairs. I may have come over a bit unneccessary!

thenightsky · 23/12/2017 11:50

DD is about to marry into a whole family of faffers. She went away on a weekend break with them and swore blind she'd ground the enamel off her back teeth by the time they came home

If we are due to meet up with any of them (future son-in-law particularly) we always give him a time half an hour earlier than it really is.

Oywotchadoin · 23/12/2017 11:55

Faffing is to do with anxiety about transitions. My child with autism, and my non diagnosed husband both faff at transitions. It’s a bit like when you know you’ve got to revise for an exam but you do a really complex revision timetable instead. Pure displacement activity, condensed into small bursts.

We tried to leave on time only yesterday and my child decided he HAD to say goodbye to all his soft toys, and husband needed to do a quick update on his PC. I could cheerfully smother them both some days.

BatShite · 23/12/2017 11:57

Are you not trying to amend your ways? If you are aware you get sidetracked why can’t you work on it? It’s so incredibly selfish as it falls on the other person to do literally everything.

I am. Its a lot harder than you would think.

It doesn't really fall to him to do everything either.

As an example, this morning I was bringing the washing down, saw the kids had made a mess on the stairs, left washing at bottom of stairs and cleaned stairs. The there was a knock on the door, late delivery of some xmas things. So I took them upstairs to the xmas cupboard, saw kids had made a huge mess in their room, tidied that, went back through to our room, made bed. Came down to put washing actually in as I just remembered that was what I was doing before everything else..went into kitchen, found a cable DH had been looking for last night, took that upstairs and ended up cleaning bathroom.

All the while knowing there was something I was supposed to be doing...but it was so far in the back of my mind I had forgotten what I was meant to be doing!

House is spotless now though I guess.

reetgood · 23/12/2017 11:57

I’m the faffer in our house. Maybe it’s inherited: running family joke that an announcement of dinner being ready is a cue for my Dad to suddenly need to do a fiddly diy job. The Allen keys is exactly him. We just accept that he arrives at the table when he arrives at the table. It’s not procrastination with him so much (it is with me), I suspect it’s a bit more like adhd in that he sometimes finds it challenging to prioritise things.

reetgood · 23/12/2017 12:00

@oywatchadoin oh my goodness that’s such a good description of it! My dad especially. Mine is about anxiety but not specifically transitions. How. Interesting. I tend to come up as neurotypical in respect to autism, but there are some little aspects to both me and my dad that fit within certain behaviour patterns.

AFistfulOfDolores · 23/12/2017 12:06

I know this sounds ott, but I really mean it: it's passive aggressive shite and I wouldn't tolerate it. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I'd end a relationship for this reason alone, if it were pervasive.

AnachronisticCorpse · 23/12/2017 12:11

DH is a faffer.

My theory about this is that I am a very lazy person so I get shit done quickly so I can get back to important things like sitting down with a biscuit watching telly.

DH likes being busy so he will make work out of every task to fill his time.

If you want something done quickly and efficiently ask a lazy person.

Oywotchadoin · 23/12/2017 12:14

Dolores you’re assuming it’s a choice. If they’re a bit neurodivergent they can’t help it, and you have to guide them, using motivational phrases like “For fucks sake get in the car” etc

Cracker09jacker · 23/12/2017 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pollythedolly · 23/12/2017 12:14

I still bear a grudge for the day years ago when DH invited friends round for a meal when he knew I would be out all day. I said fine, on condition that you do the shopping, tidy round and cook the meal. I got back exhausted around 40 minutes before they were due to find he had indeed done the shopping, but that was all. However, he showed me with great pride how he'd put a soap dish on the wall. He just couldn't understand my lack of enthusiasm for the dish. And then the bloody guests turned up early, I had to put on my best acting skills to welcome them and try to disguise the palpable atmosphere between me and DH.

My DH is asking what meal did you manage to cook in that short time?

(Knob)

diddl · 23/12/2017 12:15

Did he get the table set & the drinks done?

If so it probably wouldn't bother me that much.

The allotment thing I don't get.

So no one got ready to go out?