Who's being unreasonable?

[user57289]

A friend (Laura) was invited to a mutual friends (Sarah's) hen do. The hen do was in London (about a 2hr drive from where we all live). It happened to be Laura's 3 year anniversary of when she met her partner. Not an actual anniversary, as in from when the started dating - just from when the met, they didn't start dating for about another year.
The hen do was booked and Laura said she would go, it was a spa day, then a meal followed by a cocktail event and then into town for some more drinks. They started booking hotels and deciding who was sharing rooms etc when Laura decided that because it was her anniversary she was going to bring her partner. Originally Laura, her partner and one of the hens would share a room, needless to say no one wanted to share with Laura and her partner. Can you blame them? Laura eventually got a room on her own with her partner, which meant one of the hens was on her own (it was a group of 20 - so should have been 2 to a room.
) Sarah is understandably fuming that Laura's partner came. Laura doesn't see an issue in it. Laura and her partner planned to go out for a meal the following day and have a day in London. In her mind she's paying for a room so she may as well 'enjoy her time away'
What makes it worse is after the cocktails Laura claims she felt ill and said to the girls she would grab a bite to eat and meet them later. Instead of catching up with everyone she went back to the hotel. She said she messaged sarah to say she wasn't coming back out. Sarah says she didnt get the message.
Laura is meant to be bridesmaid but sarah doesn't really want her too anymore, as she feels Laura was more concerned with spending time with the partner than celebrating the hen do. The whole weekend was planned to include as many family as humanly possible, so the under 18's and those that didn't want to go out for drinks joined in with the spa day and evening meal, and then the rest went drinking. So I think it was about 30 all together and 20 that stayed the night. Laura is meant to be Sarah's maid of honour. They have known each other for years.
I'm in the middle, I'm friends with both girls (couldn't make the hen do).
Basically who is being unreasonable?, Laura for inviting her bf and then ignoring the majority of the group (she didn't travel down with them, and didn't join them on either morning, despite saying she would. They had planned for a spa day on the Saturday morning and then everything else in the evening. They then met back up on the Sunday and travelled back together (apart from Laura), or is sarah unreasonable for expecting Laura to join in with things.

This all happened a few weeks ago, and the atmosphere between the 2 is glacial. Sarah has gone dress shopping with another friends and is no longer making any effort with Laura. Laura is saying that she did nothing wrong.

Apologies this is incredibly long

My moh never went to my hen do due to other plans coming up although I think her dh put a stop to it as he's controlling bastard. I accepted it of course because I knew it wasn't her fault but I would not be happy if she attended with him.

Regardless if Laura was present during the spa it sounds obvious she was otherwise focused on her BF and getting back to him rather than getting involved with the rest of the group celebrations. The fact she left early simply demonstrates she was more focused on seeing her BF than actually celebrating with the bride. If I was her I think her behaviour was unacceptable and that I would question the friendship. Bringing her BF completely changed the dynamics left one hen struggling to share with someone else due to uneven numbers. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to be sharing with a couple when it's suppose to be a girlie experience.

Laura completely separated herself from the group travelling down seperately sharing a room with her BF. She maybe present at the spa celebration but clearly not present in mind.

She didn't leave the other hen she was originally going to share with in the lurch because she offered to have both her and her bf share (sharing a room with a couple after a night out is not weird in my book).

On an ordinary weekend, OK. But at aHen Do?

If I was the other bridesmaid expecting to share with Laura I'd be unhappy sharing a bedroom with a couple celebrating an anniversary. Instead of girlie hanging out in PJs I'd be with a man I might not know well clearly hoping he was going to get a shag.

I'm wondering why YOU didn't go to the hen do if it was such an important in all of your lives! Seems odd that Laura would bring her partner but she certainly doesn't warrant the name calling that she's got on here! Sounds like your friends just need to have a proper conversation and move on..

I cannot abide couples who do nothing without each other.

I agree. Why couldn't he have travelled down and they spent a few days after the hen do?

The OP repeatedly says partner rather than BF so I had assumed the partner was female, hence coming on the hen.
But Laura is still BVU.

Was the partner female? Making it more hen and less I dunno... anniversary?

Partner is male she says BF. I also think Laura was unreasonable, you don't bring your boyrfriend to a hen do and you don't then duck out of the events to spend time with them.

Team sarah.

Laura is very selfish, I bet when sarah looks back (and probably the OP too), there's lots of occasions when they went out of their way for Laura, but few memories when Laura made effort for them (that wasn't effort for something she wanted to do as much).

It's sad but sometimes your wedding is the first time you've asked/needed friends to put you first, and then realise they only want a friendship where their wants/needs are the priority.

Laura was BU to bring her boyfriend, but Sarah has totally lost perspective. People screw up, they're supposed to be friends; move on.

In summary, I'm glad all my friends got married when the hen night was one local night, not this $$$ long-winded, extended spa / cocktail / hotel bollocks.

Laura is bvu
Until I seen that her partner was a bf, I thought it may have been Sarah bu on the basis that Laura's partner was female and probably wouldn't look out of place on a hen weekend.
But really... who on earth brings their bf on a hen do??

I'm wondering whether he is a bit possessive / controlling and maybe didn't want her to go in the first place so this is what's happened??

Laura is completely in the wrong - who takes their boyfriend to a hen weekend!!!! I'd be annoyed if it was my maid of honour too!!

What I said the boyfriend like in general? I'm not usually all about blaming the man but having been in a controlling relationship in the past, big red flags are waving for me. Could it be that Laura really wanted to go to the hen do but the boyfriend kicked off or made her feel guilty for missing the 'anniversary' so she tried to compromise by bringing him and attending the events. The boyfriend probably then spent the evening texting her complaining that he was bored so she felt like she had to go and be with him. I might be projecting but this is exactly the kind of manipulative thing that ex would have done.

*what is