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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who's being unreasonable?

89 replies

user57289 · 16/04/2017 19:40

A friend (Laura) was invited to a mutual friends (Sarah's) hen do. The hen do was in London (about a 2hr drive from where we all live). It happened to be Laura's 3 year anniversary of when she met her partner. Not an actual anniversary, as in from when the started dating - just from when the met, they didn't start dating for about another year.
The hen do was booked and Laura said she would go, it was a spa day, then a meal followed by a cocktail event and then into town for some more drinks. They started booking hotels and deciding who was sharing rooms etc when Laura decided that because it was her anniversary she was going to bring her partner. Originally Laura, her partner and one of the hens would share a room, needless to say no one wanted to share with Laura and her partner. Can you blame them? Laura eventually got a room on her own with her partner, which meant one of the hens was on her own (it was a group of 20 - so should have been 2 to a room.
) Sarah is understandably fuming that Laura's partner came. Laura doesn't see an issue in it. Laura and her partner planned to go out for a meal the following day and have a day in London. In her mind she's paying for a room so she may as well 'enjoy her time away'
What makes it worse is after the cocktails Laura claims she felt ill and said to the girls she would grab a bite to eat and meet them later. Instead of catching up with everyone she went back to the hotel. She said she messaged sarah to say she wasn't coming back out. Sarah says she didnt get the message.
Laura is meant to be bridesmaid but sarah doesn't really want her too anymore, as she feels Laura was more concerned with spending time with the partner than celebrating the hen do. The whole weekend was planned to include as many family as humanly possible, so the under 18's and those that didn't want to go out for drinks joined in with the spa day and evening meal, and then the rest went drinking. So I think it was about 30 all together and 20 that stayed the night. Laura is meant to be Sarah's maid of honour. They have known each other for years.
I'm in the middle, I'm friends with both girls (couldn't make the hen do).
Basically who is being unreasonable?, Laura for inviting her bf and then ignoring the majority of the group (she didn't travel down with them, and didn't join them on either morning, despite saying she would. They had planned for a spa day on the Saturday morning and then everything else in the evening. They then met back up on the Sunday and travelled back together (apart from Laura), or is sarah unreasonable for expecting Laura to join in with things.

This all happened a few weeks ago, and the atmosphere between the 2 is glacial. Sarah has gone dress shopping with another friends and is no longer making any effort with Laura. Laura is saying that she did nothing wrong.

Apologies this is incredibly long

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/04/2017 20:49

Initially, I thought Laura's partner, was female.
Who does that, what sort of bloke would want to go ?
NANNA, has the answer, along with MrsT.
Stay out of it OP, watch from the sidelines, hopefully, Laura will drop the loser, and normal friendship will resume.

mydietstartsmonday · 16/04/2017 20:50

I am sorry but I just so dislike these forced hen dos. You are not my best friend if you don't attend everything and spend at least £500 on a weekend. Bridezilla r us. Who the fuck knows if the BF is controlling or not or if they are so in love they can't bare to be apart

YNK · 16/04/2017 20:52

As MoH Laura should have been arranging and co ordinating the whole event so it was a great day for the bride.
IMO she has already let the bride down so she would be quite entitled to replace her.
Who wants a MoH that can't put herself out for the bride?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/04/2017 20:55

And if he is a twunt it has the double benefit for him of not letting her enjoy herself and alienating her friends.

Could be wrong but I've had friends where this kind of thing has happened and it's turned out to be a nasty BF.

sonyaya · 16/04/2017 20:56

dietstartsmonday

Where have you got £500 from?

MadMags · 16/04/2017 21:06

diet Laura could have declined. OP did.

What sort of weirdo man wants to go on a hen do with his gf's friends??

I cannot abide couples who do nothing without each other.

MrsTwix · 16/04/2017 21:12

Taking your boyfriend on a hen weekend and then disappearing back to the hotel room with him and missing the evening out is bad behaviour from Laura. It would be bad enough if she was just a guest, but as a bridesmaid it's totally out of order in my opinion.

user1492014197 · 16/04/2017 21:48

Why would a male even want to go on a hen do with 20/30 females?

troodiedoo · 16/04/2017 21:59

I dislike hen dos and never go on them but I can see Laura is bang out of order here. I'm struggling to believe anyone can be that dense though! What's the deal with lauras partner? Maybe he insisted on coming perhaps?

emmyrose2000 · 16/04/2017 22:07

Laura's out of order. Anniversary of when they met? Lol! They didn't even start dating until a year later according to the OP. How ridiculous.

Did one of the girls end up having to pay for her own single room rather than share costs with Laura? Because that is really not on. Or did three end up sharing instead?

That said, I can't abide the idea that weddings require guests to fork out lots of time and money for wedding related parties. There's no way I'd have agreed to a weekend away hen do in the first place, so in that regard I think the bride is BU.

SometimesMaybe · 16/04/2017 22:11

Laura is so far over the line she can't even see the line

pictish · 16/04/2017 22:12

The line is a dot to Laura.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/04/2017 22:14

Loving the Friends reference!

SomethingBorrowed · 16/04/2017 22:19

Of course Laura is BU

RandomMess · 16/04/2017 22:21

Why didn't Laura just not go???

I think it was an insult to say yes and then snub everyone!

ShiroiKoibito · 16/04/2017 22:22

But then I hate the 'It's all about meeeeeeeee' of weddings/hen dos these days.

so who else should it be about on the BRIDES hen do???

SallyGinnamon · 16/04/2017 22:48

Team Sarah here

But I also don't understand why Sarah didn't just tell Laura that her boyfriend wasn't welcome.

Starlighter · 16/04/2017 22:50

Who brings their BF to a hen do?! Even if he just stays at the hotel, that's so weird!! It's one night, what is he afraid of?! Is he a jealous control freak or something?!

Feel so sorry for the hen. It must've tainted her special night if the MoH was AWOL for most of it.

Ameliablue · 16/04/2017 23:06

You don't bring your bf to a hen do.

pictish · 16/04/2017 23:12

I hope that in the future, people will look at Laura thus --> and say, "Laura, do you remember that time you brought your boyfriend to Emma's hen do and spent the whole weekend with him instead?" while she goes

I mean really...quite outlandish.

pinkdonkey · 16/04/2017 23:14

I also wonder if bf is abusive and controlling and this was the only way she felt that she could attend at all.

pictish · 16/04/2017 23:20

I certainly hope that isn't the case. I must admit it does seem odd that he would want to go.
We don't know how it was planned or sold to him I suppose...but I cannot imagine many circumstances in which he would feel comfortable with attending, even in the background. I mean you just wouldn't.
Very strange.

hellejuice91 · 17/04/2017 00:48

If Laura was a random cousin or something, It would not be that bad. The fact she is the maid of honour makes her behaviour unacceptable.

She could have celebrated with her boyfriend the following weekend or he could have met her the morning after.

She needs to apologise to bride and for the other person she put out on the trip.

gigi556 · 17/04/2017 07:48

Laura is BVU!!!! Who does that? Also, what kind of man goes along with it? If I was crazy enough to suggest that to my partner, he'd say no (that's rude) it's a girls weekend. You should go and relish the time with your girlfriends.

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 07:59

Laura would not make a good matron of honour. OP, step in.

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