Victorian Mumsnet

[PlayOnWurtz]

Brought over from another thread...

AIBU to think I've left it too late by starting my ds in the mining profession at 5?

How old is too old to go up chimneys?

What size coal is right for my fire?

Doth this shoe look too common for church? My OH doth protest that I shalst appear a brazen hussy! Who ibu?

My husband keeps trying to talk to me about his work. I want to look interested. I dont have the faintest idea what hes talking about half the time but it seems to be important to him that i appear impressed. Has anyone got any advice about how to achieve this? I used to just giggle in a fey manner and say 'you are so clever, they must all listen to everything you say and admire you so!' but this seems to now be wearing thin.
Im frightened he may lower my allowance if he ever realises i absolutely despise him and wish he would die in the night.

Batghee

You must tell him to desist, your womb will atrophy if you think to much.

Not to worry you will die birthing a child and he will marry a much younger woman.

Batghee can you not poison him with arsenic ? It takes a while but the gradual decline in his health would be put down to consumption surely?Indeed if he is troubled by his work so much that he needs to unburden himself to you then surely it would be a kindness on your part .....nay your wifely duty

Duchess If you are a respectable woman, your skirts will hide your shoes from view. I fear from your enquiry that you may be an ankle-baring hussy, in which case no shoe, however modest, will save your reputation.

AIBU to contract Consumption in an effort to lose weight?

Mrs Joseph Mortimer Granville

BreakfastAtSquiffanys

You don't need consumption you can ingest tapeworm eggs - see the ads in newspapers - the tapeworm will keep you nice and trim!

Pater left me a small sum of money in his will (the bulk of his estate was rightly left to my younger brother, Arnold). DH has generously agreed to let me spend a portion of it as I wish. My query: should I or should I not have my bottom two ribs removed to facilitate a more willowy sillhouette?

Looking forward to a trip to Brighton tomorrow to try out the new wooden bathing machines! Hoping the sea air will cure DDs small pox and DHs typhoid, I finally get to try the sea water!

Anyone been?

Breakfast YABVU. There is no need to go into a consumption. It's obvious your corsets are not tight enough, so you are eating too much and your waist is becoming flabby. Employ a stronger lady's maid to pull them tighter - you'll know they're tight enough when you scream in agony and pass out.

I suspect my wife may be carrying on with another man. She keeps receiving private notes consisting of pictures of dancing men. I wish to consult a private detective. I have heard of a Mr S Holmes in this regard. Can any poster recommend him?

loonieleft No - I do not trust those bathing machines. Lower-class sailors have been known to tamper with them so they come apart and give a glimpse of your full length woollen bathing costume. Take the waters at Bath or Cheltenham instead - far more befitting for a lady.

Felix I am acquainted with a Mrs Watson, a most respectable woman, whose husband is Mr Holmes' close associate. She tells me (in the strictest confidence) that Mr Holmes is a raving coke addict, chain-smoker and manic depressive. Don't waste your money on his dubious services - consign your errant wife to the asylum instead.

loonileftie I implore you - of course were I your husband I would command you - not to go to Brighthelmstone. You can only get there by the horseless carriage, travelling up to to forty miles in a single hour, and the human frame cannot long survive that. Not even the male frame; the effect on the feeble female frame is too horrible to imagine.

Felix He will want to interview you first and if you agree to these terms, you must bypass the odious Housekeeper.

I would try not to inhale too hard, whilst in his company. (You may find there is a man asleep in a chair, he is a doctor of medicine by all accounts).

DH died of cholera last night. AIBU to use my return journey on the corpse train to get in a wee shopping trip at the new emporium on Oxford Street. I understand that American shopkeeper is quite the rake!

felix are the pictures of a man called Richard or Dick? If so I believe she may be carrying on. I agree send her to the asylum as she is obviously is not right of mind.

Good grief, I do believe the term to be implemented is 'cross post with Asmoto'

I'm in a reet bluddy mess! Me watters 'av jus' gone all over t'floor in't parlour and Mrs G from ova t'street is out and eldest dd (9) is witterin' and crying,' she's bluddy scared and won't do nowt fer me! I's got a babby's 'ead decendin,' and fatha'll be 'ome in an hour wantin' 'is grub!
'Av a ta beat dd and let ds (10) 'elp wi' birthin' - a got stuff ter do!

wow that was hard to write with auto correct

Preemptive YANBU. While you're there, book a session with a good photographer who can dress your late DH in his best suit and prop him up next to you for that last, cherished family portrait.

I caught my daughter riding her pony astride!
She claims it makes jumping so much easier than side saddle
Her virginity must be ruined
I'm so upset I have had to double my laudanum intake

OldandJaded How dare you? Giving birth while your husband wants his meal!

Women are getting above themselves, aren't they?

I have one chicken, three potatoes and a turnip. That's going to be plenty to feed 17 people isn't it?