Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To report hubby for drink driving

78 replies

laurel19 · 16/04/2017 02:22

Lately hubby has been going out for drinks after work every day and driving home whilst drunk. I've been at my wits end trying to tell him not to drink drive, but he just won't listen at all... I can't just sit here and wait until he kills himself or someone else :( I've been thinking of calling the police and telling them to wait for him when he comes home... Is it unreasonable to want to report him?

OP posts:

dowhatnow · 16/04/2017 08:51

If he kills himself then that's his lookout, but report him for your own sake and any other family that he might devastate with his irresponsible actions.

I have no time for people like that. I think it would be a deal breaker in my marriage. There would be no respect left for him.

ChasedByBees · 16/04/2017 09:02

Yes I'd report him. He sounds like an alcoholic who needs help, but you can't force him to get that help. I'd leave also. He's not taking it seriously and behaving in a way that could kill himself and others.

IAmAmy · 16/04/2017 09:04

I do think the law should be changed so no drinking is allowed at all if you're going to drive. Alcohol affects people in different ways, and even one drink will have some impact.

I understand it'd be difficult to report a loved one but the consequences of this if unchecked could be catastrophic.

pinkiponk · 16/04/2017 09:08

How would you feel if you didn't report him and he killed someone?

sparechange · 16/04/2017 09:09

Does his job rely on him having a licence? So if he loses it, will he lose his job also?

If I was feeling charitable, I would give him one last chance, buy a breathilizer, and test him when he gets home after his next pub session

If it shows he is over the limit, he would be being told in no uncertain terms that the police are getting a call to let them know the details of the car, the pub and the route home. Make the call in front of him.

And if that doesn't bring him to his senses, he deserves everything he gets, including losing his job and marriage

IAmAmy · 16/04/2017 09:15

You can't afford to give more chances with something like this. The next time could be the time he injures or kills someone. Then he'd have more to worry about than losing his licence.

LakieLady · 16/04/2017 09:16

My ex-SiL was reported by her husband, it was a real wake-up call for her. She won't drive after even one drink now. And they're still together.

I also have a neighbour who used to drink and drive at lunchtime and after work. Other people in his local told him that if he didn't start getting taxis, they'd report him, and he stopped. He now drives home, drops the car off and gets a bus to the pub.

I'd do it, but I'd do it anonymously (you may be able to do this online, you can where I live) and I'd never, ever tell him.

Screwinthetuna · 16/04/2017 09:18

How awful for you. Why is he even going going and drinking every night?
I think I would start with ringing the pub and telling them he's about to drive home drunk. If you want to save your marriage, I think another route is better but you can't let it happen again

AyeAmarok · 16/04/2017 09:21

Definitely report him. Otherwise he'll probably only stop when he kills someone.

Shockers · 16/04/2017 09:21

I wouldn't just report him... I'd leave him. I couldn't be around someone who had so little regard for safety.

If he mows down a child, could you ever forgive him? A mother, a father?

MayhemandMadness01 · 16/04/2017 09:31

Video him when he comes home next, show him the state of his parking, throwing up etc.

Buy a breathalyzer ftom halfords, show him how much he is still over the following morning.

If you report, police will wait outside the pub and pull him over once he has pulled off. They will arrest him and keep him until he blows alcohol free - this could be hours. He will have to attend court which carries a minimum mandatory of a 1 yr ban, he might be offered the drink aware course which may reduce length of ban by a quarter. He will be fined, dependent on his income but upto 125% of his earnings plus court costs. He will have a criminal record which can impact on his job, future jobs, even going on holiday to some countries. The crimimal record will stay there for 11 years until its spent. If he is caught again within so many years then its a minimum mandatory 3 yrs ban for 2nd offence.

This will have a massive impact on your life - family finances, being the only driver, insurance costs afterwards, shame of being married to drink driver, if he finds out it was you who reported him etc. If you chose to report him then you need to know what you could be doing to your family and the impact it will have on you as well.

Its hard to balance the argument of report and save a life but this could be at the expense of yours. Personally, for whats its worth, i would video, show him and threaten to post to his family and friends if it happened again. If it did, then send the video and if it continues then report.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 16/04/2017 09:41

I would leave him too and I don't say that lightly, the repeated not giving a fuck about me and the kids would finish it for me. But its not just the drink driving here either, he sounds like he has a serious alcohol problem anyway.

LindyHemming · 16/04/2017 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrangiePangie · 16/04/2017 09:51

Was also going to suggest the video.

FWIW my DH used to do this. I told him that if he ever did it again I would report him to the police and immediately end our marriage. This was not a false warning and he knew I meant business. He hasn't since.

JustAnotherUselessUserName · 16/04/2017 09:52

I cannot fathom any person that deliberately drinks and drives.
They obviously have no thoughts for anyone but themselves.
My husband drinks and drives and I go off at him all the time but it makes no difference.
An old friend did contact the Police about her husband drinking and driving.. it did not end well..

LexieLulu · 16/04/2017 09:55

Your husband sounds like hes developing an alcohol problem. He can probably deny it for as long as nothing bad happens, but when he kills someone or crashes he will have to admit.

I would anonymously tip police off (you can do so off your local police website), by giving his reg plate... but you will need to play dumb and never admit you have done this, or face that your marriage will face the consequences

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/04/2017 09:58

It sounds like he has developed a problem with alcohol.
You won't be able to fix this on your own.
In this situation. I don't think you have a choice. Report him, you may save him from something far worse, imagine if he did kill, or maim someone.
If you don't pick up the phone, you may live to regret it.
I'm sorry that you're in this predicament. 💐

Willow2017 · 16/04/2017 12:54

Just
It's not going to end well if ops oh ploughs into a family crossing the road or another car killing it's occupants just as yours may do.

I couldn't live with knowing I could have prevented it.

MumW · 16/04/2017 12:59

What an awful predicament but I think you have to shop him.

If you know the pub then tip the landlord off and let him call the police.

insancerre · 16/04/2017 13:06

You need to have a serious talk
He either stops doing it or he moves out and you report him
It's up to him

Wolfiefan · 16/04/2017 13:08

You're married to an alcoholic.
A person without an issue with alcohol doesn't drink to the point of vomiting and then drive home.
Report and decide if this is a deal breaker for you. Would be for me. Try Al Anon for advice. I'm so sorry OP.

AnyFucker · 16/04/2017 13:09

Yes, I would report him. And after he was caught I would tell him it was me.

AprilSkies44 · 16/04/2017 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocolatesavedmysanity · 16/04/2017 13:23

If you don't report him you will either be going to his funeral or visiting him in prison. He needs the loudest of wake up calls here. He is putting hundreds of not thousands of people at risk every week. This is beyond crazy and he needs to stop! Good luck, you will need to look at lining up some support / counselling etc because it sounds like he desperately needs it

namechangedtoday15 · 16/04/2017 13:23

I would remove car keys and absolutely refuse to give them back until he got help. I would give him an ultimatum - he either gets help, or the marriage would be over. His call.

Flip

1 2 3 4