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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report hubby for drink driving

78 replies

laurel19 · 16/04/2017 02:22

Lately hubby has been going out for drinks after work every day and driving home whilst drunk. I've been at my wits end trying to tell him not to drink drive, but he just won't listen at all... I can't just sit here and wait until he kills himself or someone else :( I've been thinking of calling the police and telling them to wait for him when he comes home... Is it unreasonable to want to report him?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 16/04/2017 05:12

How utterly terrifying. He sounds like he needs help accepting he has an alcohol problem. Reporting him would be my last resort but if he won't stop, I wouldn't say you were unreasonable to do it.

feathermucker · 16/04/2017 05:38

Report him.

user1481406249 · 16/04/2017 05:40

100% report him. If you've already tried to talk to him and it's fallen on deaf ears then he's had the chance. You can report anonymously. Most police forces have a drink drive hotline. Perhaps look online also for your local police. Could you live with the guilt if something happened and you hadn't reported it when you had the chance?

Vegansnake · 16/04/2017 06:26

You say ,lately....so what's changed to make him suddenly start drinking a lot...

EmilyByTheRiver · 16/04/2017 06:40

Please report him. I go to AA on occasion and I have heard it all. Drink driving when you are impaired like you describe- it's a matter of time before the worst happens IMO.

Killing someone because you have a drinking problem and are in denial- you never get over it- and neither do the families of the person you have killed.

Hearing grown men sob their hearts out (30 years later in one case) because they were in denial, thought it would never happen to them,thought they were better drivers and knew what they were doing...I can't even describe it.

Please report. It may trigger him to sort himself out, but could you have it on your conscience?

Goodluck OP.Thanks

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 16/04/2017 06:41

If he won't listen to reason then I would tell him I'll report him next time, and follow through. He could kill someone.

EmilyByTheRiver · 16/04/2017 06:42

I am sure you could report anonymously- or get a friend you trust to do it.

Ceto · 16/04/2017 06:53

Have you pointed out to him that his slurring and throwing up isn't consistent with two or three drinks? And have you warned him that if he doesn't stop you will report him? What does he say?

bevelino · 16/04/2017 07:16

YANBU and you should warn him that you are going to report him, which may lead to him being arrested and charged.

Nanna50 · 16/04/2017 07:16

Drink driving makes so fucking angry, clever bastards who think they are still capable, I've seen devastating results and I'm all for the limit being zero alcohol.

If my OH did it once he would not be able to find his car keys the next day, he would have to find another way to get to work, same as he would if he lost his license.

If you are going down the 'let's get to the route of the problem,' scenario then hide his keys until you do.

I wouldn't need to ask the question, if somehow it had become a habit I would report him, hopefully in the pub so that he could be caught as he left.

Bluntness100 · 16/04/2017 07:24

If it was two or three drinks, I'm not sure I would, but it would be a major argument point. However if he was driving drunk, as in coming home and slurring, I'd report him in a heartbeat. Because it's only a matter of time before he kills someone and he will be jailed.

Bluntness100 · 16/04/2017 07:25

No, don't warn him he would just go to a different pub .

Littlecaf · 16/04/2017 07:30

A friends husbsnd did this a lot. He didn't get caught but it took her many many sober chats to get it through to him that he impacted their lives as well as those he may physically hurt in an accident. It would mean he lost his job, had a record, they would have to move (as they could afford mortgage) and she'd probably leave him with the kids. Once he saw it that way it helped him to stop.

bevelino · 16/04/2017 07:33

The only reason I would want to warn would be to hope that the threat of arrest and charges would bring him to his senses.

CactusFred · 16/04/2017 07:41

I'd talk to him while he's sober and warn him you will call the police if he does it again a and give him a chance to change.

The impact on your family could be huge so he needs to be given the choice. However he either stops or you report full stop.

JaneEyre70 · 16/04/2017 07:43

If he's drinking every day, he has got a problem. In absolute honesty he's a timebomb, and I'd hide his keys to be honest. Chances are if he's drinking to excess he's probably over the limit driving to work too; you have to take responsibility here and I'd say no driving until he gets help. My friend's dad is an alcoholic and he's had so many accidents and near misses - it is only luck not judgement that he's not behind bars.

ChangingStates · 16/04/2017 07:47

Like the pp I think I'd hide the car keys.

eternalopt · 16/04/2017 07:47

Do you know the colleagues he's drinking with? Just wondering if you could talk to them and see if they know he's driving home - I'd be taking keys off colleagues if I knew they were doing this.

kingscrossnoodle · 16/04/2017 07:48

Your husband is an arrogant pig. One of those cocky 'it will never happen to me' types.

Please report him, it is true as PP's have said, it will impact your family, but the total devastation that could be caused by his wreckless actions are certainly a whole lot worse.

People DIE because of others stupidity. Do what you can to stop him, please.

Emphasise · 16/04/2017 07:56

I think that if you do, you have to expect that's the end of your marriage. Not saying you shouldn't but don't be think you can expect any kind of "normality" afterwards.

FrancisCrawford · 16/04/2017 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kingscrossnoodle · 16/04/2017 08:03

i think that if you do, you have to expect that's the end of your marriage.

But OP, please keep in mind, if that happens it will be down to HIS action of drunk driving, not your action of preventing someone's death.

GaryGilmoresEyes · 16/04/2017 08:11

I reported my ex when he drank a bottle of whiskey. The police said they could only pull him if they saw him driving dangerously or if they saw something wrong with the car light lights not working. Thankfully he didn't kill anyone that night.

Penfold007 · 16/04/2017 08:11

OP you need to start protecting yourself and your DC. Reporting him, his causing an accident, killing himself or another road user or simply being arrested for drink driving is likely to have a massive impact on your marriage.
Start getting all the important paperwork together you are going to need it.
What has happened recently to start him on this path?

Butteredparsnip1ps · 16/04/2017 08:11

I would be ending my marriage anyway. I have personal history here, and it would be a red line.

I couldn't remain in a relationship with someone who had such callous disregard for the lives of others.