To think this is odd?

[IAmAndaluse]

One of my best and closest friends occasionally exaggerates the truth. There is no malicious intent attached but I am starting to find it a bit strange - her latest thing is that her mum (a high-powered City worker/trader) has been pushed out of her bank job by the powers that be and will now be visiting London less (once every couple of months instead of fortnightly). My friend is an adult and I think that's still a pretty good deal (seeing your parents that often, that's more than i get to see mine)! She is understandsbly unhappy about this though.

That aside she has created an elaborate backstory all about her mum's trading career and life. And often insinuated that her mum had tried to set her up as a banker/trader in same industry and tried to give her a leg-up but that my friend had refused (she is very intelligent so it seems odd that she would say such a thing? Went to top uni and got highest marks).

A quick google search however has informed that her mum hasn't lost her job, has in fact recently gained a new job and is in a completely different industry entirely - and has never been a banker She works for a small regional business as a sales consultant... High street company, that kind of thing.

This has happened quite a lot with various things but she is so convincing that I am starting to get worried, and find it difficult to trust her!! Any advice? She is one of my best ever friends but I can't get beyond the exaggerating

She has maintained this for years btw, throughout our time at university and always... its almost as if she believes it herself but surely not?!?

I think it's odd you feel the need to Google to check up on your friends mum.
If her exaggerations bother you, tell her you know she is lying.

I dont normally do that - I was just intrigued and decided to have a look. We are contacts on LinkedIn anyway (my friend and I) so it took about thirty seconds. I don't think it's that weird to be interested in what a friends parent does?

I think some people just do this because the reality is pretty dull. I had a housemate at uni who claimed to be a traveller (but used the term gypsy), that her parents were dirt poor and she had to find food in bins as a child. She actually went to a top boarding school and prep and showed us her parents seven figure cottage for sale on right move, clearly forgetting the previous lies. Watching her try to squirm her way out of it and justify the lies was utterly hilarious. Another girl claimed her Dad worked for the CIA, she was very right on and anti establishment claimed to hate big businesses and value ethics above all else, he actually worked for shell oil and she clearly had no problem using his dirty money to fund her nights out doing coke. Not sure why she thought the CIA was any more ethical but there you go. Lots of people seemed to try and downplay their class/wealth/private education and acted very prole-ier than thou which really really annoyed me, denying privilege is so annoying

It's actually quite sad if you think about it, but is hard to ignore. If you value the friendship just steer conversation away from the topics where she is likely to spin the lies. I can't be friends with people who do this it really starts to grate after a while and you wonder what else they lie about.

Ask her. It's not weird to look at her profile if you use LinkedIn. Have you never met her DM? I'm not keen on liars. How can you trust anything she says if she's been lying all this time?

Just mention it and ask why she said her mum was a banker when she's actually in sales.

I don't think it's that weird to be interested in what a friends parent does?

Interested...no not weird. You were not just interested though. You were checking up on your friend's story.

Gottagetmoving that's kind of not the point though - I wanted to see what bank etc she worked for then saw that she was in a different industry entirely. I was hardly sleuthing, I love my friend and if I was looking to spy on her and upset her I would've let her know I knew it wasn't true long before now!! I don't try and verify everything she says because she's my friend... just this is quite a big deal and a weird/random thing to not be truthful about!

Ok, so if she is such a good friend, you should be able to ask her why she does this?

If not, leave it be and stop being concerned about it.

Pathological liar maybe?

I wonder how the friend perceives the friendship. Best ever friends don't normally lie to each other unless they feel there is a reason to do so.

Maybe she's a bit ashamed of her mum working for a high street store and would prefer that she was a high-flying banker? Maybe she has some self-esteem issues?

I had a workmate who told everyone her dad was a professor at Oxford University, and he was actually a maths teacher at a secondary school - still a worthwhile career, but she seemed to think people would think better of her if she came from the loins of an Oxford professor. She did have very low self-esteem though, and she lied about a lot of other things as well.

Really bevelino? We are very close to each other I think sometimes she lies to protect herself, she does it to everyone...

The irony is that someone she knows very well is like this but to a huge degree, and she often tells me about it