To ask which interpretation of this conversation is right?

[VibrantAmI]

I was chopping banana in the kitchen for my porridge, and asked DH if toddler DS would like some banana too. DH replied that DS had eaten some banana before his breakfast.

How would you interpret that reply?

A) DS has had some banana and doesn't need any more.

B) DS enjoyed some banana this morning so would like some more.

DH and I interpreted the conversation in different ways, as above. I'll tell you which one I am when you tell me which one you think is unreasonable. I fully expect you all to agree with me.

I was going to say A but the update has confused me.

If DS is non-verbal and the only way to find out if he wants banana is to give him banana, how is DH supposed to know the answer to that question?

And if your original query was actually meant to ascertain 'has DS already refused banana today?' then B would be my reading of the reply.

As for not getting straight answers generally, I feel your pain, in addition to never answering a straight question my DH also answers 'yes' to either/or questions ('do you want tea or coffee?' - 'yes').

Is this thread strange or is it just me? Five pages of overthinking. Sorry to be flippant op this does sound harsh but I can't see a particular party is at fault over bananagate

I mean this does sound hard work for you, not harsh (don't know why I wrote that)

but what qualifies as a mixed kebab?

What does this question mean though? What answer were you wanting to this question because to my mind it isn't clear what you're asking (although that may be because I've never eaten a kebab in my life).

Is this communication issue new?

Or has he always been this way and it's only recently that it has started to bother you?

I wonder if this needs to go on the list

Before you have a child with a person, think to yourself If I were a stay at home parent, and this were the only adult I spoke to most days, would I go mad?

If the answer is yes, think about it before you put yourself in that situation.

OP, as you say, I would work on sharpening up your questions, and if he still doesn't respond appropriately, then time for a conversation.

I agree with some pp that B was a possibly logical answer. As DS had had some banana, he may still be in a banana eating mood. But equally he may have had enough banana, hence why he didn't eat anymore. Difficult question for DH to answer without actually offering banana to DS.

On the external meetings, when we have a meeting with external people coming to our building, we still call it an external. Meetings outside the office are also called externals.

On the mixed kebab, I think 'what's in a mixed kebab?' would have been clearer than 'what qualifies as a mixed kebab?'.

I think you were clear on your question on coats/bag, so it could be that he just doesn't listen.

Is his hearing ok?

Re the mixed kebab question Chloe84, there was a section of mixed kebabs on the menu of around 6 kebabs, and a different section for other kebabs. I was trying to ascertain which items in the plural were in that section and qualified for the offer, rather than what ingredients were in a singular item.

He sounds very hard work.

Your own questions sound a bit cryptic too. Who says..what qualifies as a kebab? Same with external meeting! I would have a problem following you.
Ye both have issues of not being straightforward in your use of language. Maybe if you concentrate on direct questions he would give direct answers.
I mean this kindly.
If your ds has problems with language very clear short direct questions may help him too going forward.

Re the kebabs, if he'd said "something that says mixed kebab on it", would you have accepted that or would you have thought he sounded dismissive and patronising? Because that's the only real answer to your question.
It sounds like he's very much in a mindset where he provides you with extra info so you can make your own decisions because you're an adult, and you want The Answer. If you can both assume the other means well, it should be possible to work round.

I recommend Deborah Tannen 's That's not what I meant! book - it covers all of intercultural communication rather than just stereotypical men:women and is both much better and half the length. (she was later persuaded to expand the male:female parts into their own book as the publisher said it would sell better, which is true but the earlier book is fantastic)

A but then you said
I was trying to find out from DH if DS would want some, as he may have refused some already this morning. so I've changed my mind to B.

Maybe you need to think about how you are wording your questions as well. Your question "what qualifies as a mixed kebab" could be interpreted in a number of ways. Also your questioning re the external meeting was also quite confusing. Sounds like there is misunderstanding on both sides. If you feel there is a problem getting a direct answer from him though, I think you need to ask more direct questions.

Oh yeah, the external meeting thing - to me an external meeting is one with people from outside my own company, regardless of where the meeting takes place.

I'm pretty sure he didn't want a kebab.