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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask which interpretation of this conversation is right?

115 replies

VibrantAmI · 15/04/2017 09:59

I was chopping banana in the kitchen for my porridge, and asked DH if toddler DS would like some banana too. DH replied that DS had eaten some banana before his breakfast.

How would you interpret that reply?

A) DS has had some banana and doesn't need any more.

B) DS enjoyed some banana this morning so would like some more.

DH and I interpreted the conversation in different ways, as above. I'll tell you which one I am when you tell me which one you think is unreasonable. I fully expect you all to agree with me. Grin

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 15/04/2017 10:20

A

But I'd rather have a proper answer

Chloe84 · 15/04/2017 10:20

Is only DH able to communicate with the toddler?

KnockMeDown · 15/04/2017 10:22

I'm intrigued by what happened to the banana, Whisky

LucyFuckingPevensie · 15/04/2017 10:23

A.
Yanbu at all.
Dp answers questions like your DH and it drives me mad.

Original poster
VibrantAmI · 15/04/2017 10:23

For those asking why I didn't ask DS, despite being nearly 2 he doesn't talk or respond to questions. The only way to find out with him if he'd have liked banana is to peel and chop some banana to give to him. I was trying to find out from DH if DS would want some, as he may have refused some already this morning.

Yes, I could have asked for clarification on the answer. I often do ask DH for clarification (e.g. conversation this week where he said he may be late home from work due to a meeting. I asked if it was an external meeting. He replied that they're meeting someone from outside the company. I asked "okay, but is it an external meeting?" No, it was a meeting in the usual place of work), but today's answer was pretty straightforward for him. Or so I thought...

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 15/04/2017 10:25

Definitely. A

Original poster
VibrantAmI · 15/04/2017 10:25

And to answer those who wanted to know, DS did not touch the additional banana that was provided to him.

Poor banana. 🍌

OP posts:
LucyFuckingPevensie · 15/04/2017 10:26

I often ask for clarification with my dp. I usually say, is that a yes or a no.
He still doesn't get it, and repeats the same non answer.

XiCi · 15/04/2017 10:26

If he thought his answer meant B and never gives a straight answer to anything he must normal day to day interactions quite difficult.

NormaSmuff · 15/04/2017 10:29

so yes to B the answer was Yes - he did enjoy the banana this morning and presumably would like it again.
but no, it turns out he didnt want it on the second offering.

Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 15/04/2017 10:30

Oh my husband does this too. Never a straight answer. YANBU. And I would have thought A too.

OverOn · 15/04/2017 10:30

Actually with your update I kind of see what your DP meant. If you don't know what DS likes because he's not verbal, the fact that he had some banana in the morning could mean 'yes he ate some this morning so likely to eat now'.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/04/2017 10:31

A.

But interesting that he can't answer a question in a straight fashion, and very annoying.

Something to think about:
A friend of mine was married to a nice guy, but he was dreadful for answering the questions she asked in a straightforward fashion. The last straw for her was when she was looking high and low for a letter from someone important and asked him if had seen a copy of that latter - he said no and went to work. She continued to hunt for it all day, pulling drawers out etc. but not finding it.
When he came home from work, she said "I still can't find that letter anywhere" and he said "Oh I have it in my bag".
Turned out that he had interpreted her question very literally - he did NOT have "a copy" of that letter, he had THAT LETTER, but that's not what she'd asked. He was later diagnosed with Asperger's.

I'm not suggesting that the same goes for your DH, just that some people have different ways of interpreting questions and don't always give the answers we're wanting/expecting.

Boulshired · 15/04/2017 10:32

With your update I do not think your wording for the original question was correct, if you only know if your DC will eat if it is infront of him then there is no answer. Even if he had refused there is always going to be the possibility he will now eat and if he had eaten already he might want more.

FamilySpartan · 15/04/2017 10:33

Depends on tone.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/04/2017 10:34

I'd say A, but that the question was vague. You actually wanted an answer to " has DS had any fruit today, and if so do you think he'll want more?".
The answer to your actual question was also imprecise, hence the misunderstanding.
This happens in my house all the time, giving rise to really annoying responses, like " what do you mean by want? ".

Original poster
VibrantAmI · 15/04/2017 10:35

ThumbWitchesAbroad That's very interesting. I had considered that my mum possibly had Asperger's, but I hadn't considered that DH did.

Oh crap, it's like I've married my mum. Shock

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/04/2017 10:36

Oh whoops! Well at least you've a lifetime's experience of handling it, I suppose.

nickbutnosaint · 15/04/2017 10:36

I would have gone for B, because I assumed you were asking if DS 'likes' banana, and your DH was clarifying that, yes indeed he likes banana.

emilybrontescorset · 15/04/2017 10:41

Sorry but i have very little tolerance for people like this.
Op you asked a direct question: does re want some banana?
The answer is either yes or no, or possibly i don't know.

If i go to a friend's house and she asks " would you like some coffee?" I don't reply with " i had a coffee yesterday, it was a latte and although it was enjoyable, i rather wish i had tried the caramel version as that might have made it sweeter. In fact i think next time i will go for the hot chocolate with perhaps white marshmallows but not the pink ones as i much prefer the white ones, though technically they do taste the same."

FiveShelties · 15/04/2017 10:43

Another in the B camp.

You asked if he would 'like' banana but you intrepreted the answer as 'need' banana.

Morphene · 15/04/2017 10:43

A

NormaSmuff · 15/04/2017 10:47

otoh where toddlers diets are concerned there is no rhyme or reason. They liked it first thing, they didnt like/didnt want/didnt need it a bit later.

Tinkerbec · 15/04/2017 10:48

A as it implies he has had a bannana and breakfast so probably does not need anymore food at this point.

scaryclown · 15/04/2017 10:55

wow.
Its interesting how people tag on interpretations.
I remember someone going MENTAL at me because I said something like 'that display looks good, what do you think?' because in their world 'what do you think' meant something like 'you stupid fucking idiot, you've done it wrong and it looks awful doesn't it, and you can't even see it'.

They were a nightmare to work with!

I think its difficult to tell without tone - a flat tone or thoughtful tone would have meant 'I'm thinking this through' or 'here's some info, but you decide'. A downward tone would mean 'he's already had his banana for the day', an upward tone would mean 'ooh yes, he likes banana.. maybe he wants more/yes he is eating banana today', a bitter aggressive tone would be 'another banana on our budget? you are ruining our lives spendthrift Grin

THis is why I like scots and irish, (and italian, and spanish and french and american people) more .. they REALLY use tone.. English people flatten it to zero and then wonder why there are so many bloody misunderstandings..