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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that sharing a bed at a house party is really NBD?

67 replies

honeyyhighlightss · 14/04/2017 20:16

MIL is staying with us for a week, yay. She's a lovely woman, albeit extremely old-fashioned in her views, which is a sharp contrast to me and DP who both like to think we're fairly forward-thinking (this part has no real relevance to my topic but just want to point out I'm aware I'm maybe not being unreasonable, I'm just of a different mindset to her).

Anyway. This afternoon DSis came over with her 17 year old daughter, who'd been at a house party the night before. MIL likes to know everything about anything anyone does, regardless of how well she knows them, so started rattling off the questions ('were the parents in?', 'what time did you get home at?', etc). All was well until DN said that she hadn't returned home that night and had instead stayed over.

MIL - "There can't have been much room, surely?"
DN - "Yeah, I shared a bed with Caitlin and Lucas, and it was pretty cramped!"
MIL - "Lucas? A boy? You shared a bed with a boy?"

Now Lucas, or whatever his name was, is a good friend of DN's and, yes, is a male. MIL was absolutely scandalised by this - I've genuinely never seen her quite so wound up before. She started firing questions at DN such as "Did your parents know you were going to be sleeping in the same bed as a boy when they let you go to the party (DSis had left at that point) and actual quote "that would never have happened in me or your aunt's day".

AIBU or is she making a massive mountain out of a molehill here? When I was probably younger than 17 (maybe around 15/16) and went to 'empties' you would happily share a bed and usually end up cuddling up to boys and girls - everyone would just pile into a bed and it wasn't seen as improper or 'weird' in any way. Is it just my DMIL's more old-fashioned outlook on life or is this what generally is still done?
(DN got quite pissed off!)

OP posts:
IsangforLadyArcher · 14/04/2017 20:25

Whats 'NBD'?

Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2017 20:27

No big deal?

Original poster
honeyyhighlightss · 14/04/2017 20:27

Oops, perhaps should have clarified - NBD stands for 'No Big Deal'!

OP posts:
Crikeyblimey · 14/04/2017 20:28

No big deal, I imagine.

jugotmail · 14/04/2017 20:28

She would have hated seeing the bodies laid out after a night out when I was young, free and childless (sigh - almost twenty years ago).

Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2017 20:29

It would be NBD to me. They are 17. But if I was DN I wouldn't have admitted it knowing Gran would start sucking lemons about it.

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 20:29

People can decide for themselves what constitutes a big deal. It's a big deal to her grandmother...

LuluJakey1 · 14/04/2017 20:31

I would have done it when I was a teenager. But don't think I would do it now or want DH to do it. Is that double standards or just getting old at 37?

Trifleorbust · 14/04/2017 20:31

At 17 she could have shagged Lucas sideways and the only person with the right to object would have been poor Caitlin.

Original poster
honeyyhighlightss · 14/04/2017 20:32

Perhaps should have clarified this - MIL isn't DN's grandmother...DN is my sister's daughter, MIL is my husband's mother - so they're not related.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/04/2017 20:33

This is no big deal. I have a spare room and a friends son, my dsighters friend, who was staying, and he happens to be gay , said to me a few weeks ago, "blunt, please can I sleep in little blunts room instead of the spare room". I said yes. They share a bed often, and also in the ops instance another girl was in th bed, I think it's generational. Teenagers are quite used to this.

Rainydayspending · 14/04/2017 20:33

Certainly used to share sofas/ floors all together around that age. Though as my brother was in my social group I remember a couple of occasions where we were some dort of boy/ girl divide line as siblings.
I frequently would sleep feet to head with my friend's then boyfriend when visiting at uni as he wasn't far from me in a much better city for nightlife. (So older).
BUT my parents (around 20 years older than me- now in their 60's) thought it was all very weird that we shared like that.
My gran thought it very sensible.

Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2017 20:34

Oh in that case it's even less of her business and your DN shouldn't give a shiny what some unrelated person thinks.

QuackDuckQuack · 14/04/2017 20:34

Is she your DN's grandmother? From my reading of your OP I think the DN is your DSis's daughter and therefore unrelated to your MIL. In which case it really isn't any of your MIL's business.

QuackDuckQuack · 14/04/2017 20:34

Sorry x post.

ToastyFingers · 14/04/2017 20:38

Grandma wouldn't like it, but at 17 they could be shagging like rabbits, and even that would be going deal.

caroldecker · 14/04/2017 20:39

Why is sleeping head to foot considered chaste when the rude bits still meet in the middle? (Misses point of thread completely)

ToastyFingers · 14/04/2017 20:39

No big deal*

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 20:42

The good old 69, carol? Grin

SoloDance · 14/04/2017 20:43

She maybe shouldn't have told her grandma.

Wando1986 · 14/04/2017 20:45

I was fucking my now husband and partner of 13+yrs when I was 17.

Is this post actually for real? Hmm

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 20:49

What an odd post, Wando. People have different life experiences?

Batghee · 14/04/2017 20:52

YANBU i shared loads of beds with loads of people at house parties from 16-25 and very occassionally some of them i would end up getting together with at a later date. The bed sharing at an event like that is not usually a sex thing imo. Im not saying that occassionally it might not lead to people having sex but in my experience its extremely common and not really about sex.

BrutusMcDogface · 14/04/2017 20:52

At 17 she could have shagged Lucas sideways and the only person with the right to object would have been poor Caitlin.

GrinGrinGrin

Yanbu, it's no big deal. However, she shouldn't really have said she was sharing a bed with a boy as it would have been scandalous in the older lady's time!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2017 20:52

Totally normal. I did the same in my youth. It is possible to sleep in the same bed as a bloke and not shag him.

Possibly don't show mil the recent threesome thread 😱

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