To think that sharing a bed at a house party is really NBD?

[honeyyhighlightss]

MIL is staying with us for a week, yay. She's a lovely woman, albeit extremely old-fashioned in her views, which is a sharp contrast to me and DP who both like to think we're fairly forward-thinking (this part has no real relevance to my topic but just want to point out I'm aware I'm maybe not being unreasonable, I'm just of a different mindset to her).

Anyway. This afternoon DSis came over with her 17 year old daughter, who'd been at a house party the night before. MIL likes to know everything about anything anyone does, regardless of how well she knows them, so started rattling off the questions ('were the parents in?', 'what time did you get home at?', etc). All was well until DN said that she hadn't returned home that night and had instead stayed over.

MIL - "There can't have been much room, surely?"
DN - "Yeah, I shared a bed with Caitlin and Lucas, and it was pretty cramped!"
MIL - "Lucas? A boy? You shared a bed with a boy?"

Now Lucas, or whatever his name was, is a good friend of DN's and, yes, is a male. MIL was absolutely scandalised by this - I've genuinely never seen her quite so wound up before. She started firing questions at DN such as "Did your parents know you were going to be sleeping in the same bed as a boy when they let you go to the party (DSis had left at that point) and actual quote "that would never have happened in me or your aunt's day".

AIBU or is she making a massive mountain out of a molehill here? When I was probably younger than 17 (maybe around 15/16) and went to 'empties' you would happily share a bed and usually end up cuddling up to boys and girls - everyone would just pile into a bed and it wasn't seen as improper or 'weird' in any way. Is it just my DMIL's more old-fashioned outlook on life or is this what generally is still done?
(DN got quite pissed off!)

If I had been the DN I'd have asked why it was her business.

Well, that would have been quite a disrespectful way for a 17 year old to talk to a 79 year old; however true it may have been. I'd be ashamed if my dd mouthed off at an elderly woman.

I don't see why. This woman who she isn't related to and probably doesn't know very well is asking her rude, intrusive personal questions.

It has nothing to do with her. Being old does not excuse her of her behaviour. Nor does being young prevent you from calling someone on rude behaviour.

If my dds were disrespectful to a nearly 80yr old I wouldn't be best pleased

If it were me the conversation would probably have gone :

"Who did you share with ?"

"Friends"

"Which friends ?"

"My friends. Why do you want to know ?"

It is not disrespectful to tell someone who is asking rude personal questions that the issue in question does not concern them.

Regardless of their age people are not required to tolerate it.

The woman didn't understand that girls and boys could be mates and crash out on a bed to sleep probably shocked her more than anything else

Well, that would have been quite a disrespectful way for a 17 year old to talk to a 79 year old; however true it may have been. I'd be ashamed if my dd mouthed off at an elderly woman

But she was asking!! Kept prodding for answers..... she was being rude and judgmental...she wanted to know and was told.

I seriously love the direct approach of our youth! Why should they hide and cover up something that was fairly normal and innocent? If MIL mind is running away with her that's her problem!

Funnily enough my mother is someone who asks very similar questions - often in doing so sneakily trying to find out about my sex life. I'm nearly 30 but she's always been like it.

My 19yr old is staying at a boy pals house tonight( tbh i think it is the new boy friend ) with some other friends she was talking to her gran the other day about going to a thing on Saturday and was staying at her friends house her gran assumed it was a girl we didn't correct her.

At that age my friends and I slept like puppies in a basket regardless of our genders and sexuality. We always did that at parties!

MrsJayy XFIL made XH and me sleep in separate beds when I was pregnant with DS1, not quite so far up the paddock, but still! It is odd!

My SIL is older than 79 and wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Neither would she have done if they'd been shagging like rabbits. Everyone's different.

Evil that is just weird were you married at the time mums weirdy weirdness was because we were unwed regardless of baby

You can normally tell the generation and their expectations, my own mum would not bat an eyelid but my MIL would have been straight to the priest and praying for the girls soul. Mil is 80s and my own mother would of been the same but they had completely different childhoods, surroundings and upbringing. My teenagers would know how to approach conversations with MIL but I can see how a non related teenager could shock MIL easily.
My MIL would have probably been given the belt at 17 if she shared a bed with the opposite sex.

MIL was very rude to be making such comments to DN. She is 17yo she can make her own decisions on such issues. The only thing that matters is that she feels confident to say no to whatever makes HER uncomfortable.

When I was 17 I was having sex with DH (then BF). We didn't advertise the fact but we didn't hide it either. A friend of my aunt and uncle's asked me outright about it so I said the truth. Auntie and uncle were apparently mortified at my answering truthfully...they should have been mortified at their rude friend and thankful I hadn't asked about the friend's sex life!

Yes we were married at the time MrsJayy, we did find it weird!

Agree with PPs that while crashing on the same bed as a person of the opposite gender at a house party is not a big thing these days, it's hardly surprising that an older lady was shocked up it.