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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

letting neighbours constant comments upset me

59 replies

Annoyedangelina · 14/04/2017 18:21

I wish I was a stronger character but I'm finding myself getting increasingly upset by it
My children are 7 and 4 and the neighbours are 18 and 21 so obviously not all that much in common but she has a love of cats and so would often feed ours and bring him back when it got dark.
This in itself was slightly annoying as he started treating her house like a second home, going in the minute I would leave to go out for the day!
Anyway it started with some passing comments about hearing us in the garden and we must have the patience of saints as the kids are " wild " - this was a day it had been raining and they were jumping in muddy puddles and some mud got on me and she heard me say " more for the washing machine " or something along those lines
She then said eldest son was rude for not saying thankyou for the Xmas cards she put through for the children but he had written one back to her and was probably just a bit shy in person; we've only lived here 6 months so doesn't really know her
She's made a few other passing comments about her children " getting a whack for less " when we've been getting in the car and they've been messing around or annoying each other and I thought I had made it quite clear the last time she said that, that we don't do that and are quite positive parenting types I guess to which she laughed and said another fad and that's why kids these days end up feral.
Since then I've tried to avoid her but I've just seen her putting the bins out and she said " your husband is a right dope isn't it " I said why? And she replied " I heard your kids taking the right piss out of him yesterday and he just took it " I honestly didn't have a clue what she was talking about as I was at work and then it turned out they had been referring to him by his first name rather than " dad " That was it! She went on about how disrespectful it was and that for a young fit man like my husband ( he's a firefighter, quite heavily tattooed and has a motorbike so she probably has stereotyped him and he isn't meeting her expectation ) they are treating him like shit.
She was outraged she had heard our oldest son say " you are my best friend dad that's why I'm going to call you by your name "
It's a passing phase, all his school friends are doing it and for the majority of the time he calls him daddy unless he remembers not to!
I don't want a fall out but I'm getting a bit sick of the comments

OP posts:
WaegukSaram · 14/04/2017 18:27

Why are you worried about someone so rude falling out with you?

She seems very over invested in your family.

cautiousoptimist1 · 14/04/2017 18:27

YANBU but I don't think she's worth bothering too much about. She sounds like one of those people who needs others to hear her opinion regardless so smile and nod or say oh yes thanks for that and carry on as you were.

mickeysminnie · 14/04/2017 18:32

Next time just ask " do you actually hear the drivel that comes out of your mouth?"
Then walk away. Point made!

Sybil59 · 14/04/2017 18:33

She has far too much to say on matters which don't concern her. She has no business commenting on your parenting, your children or your husband. If she was my neighbour i would tell her that her remarks need to be kept to herself as they are offensive and unnecessary. Ask her if a person as outspoken as her is really in a position to comment on your son's manners?

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 14/04/2017 18:36

I think she's quite lonely
She doesn't work and her children are at college / working
I just think it would be awkward to have a fall out with the next door neighbour when we don't plan on leaving here anytime soon!!

OP posts:
DobbyLovesSocks · 14/04/2017 18:37

Do a Mrs Brown and say 'That's nice' (feck off) whenever she has something to say

ThoraGruntwhistle · 14/04/2017 18:40

'I don't want to fall out with you, so I'd prefer it if you kept your opinions about my children to yourself, if you can. Thank you.'

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 14/04/2017 19:09

She's quite loud and bolshy so I can't imagine her taking any sort of criticism well
She doesn't talk to our other neighbour the other side of her as she is convinced she reported her for fraud - medical payments or something

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 14/04/2017 19:12

"Well let's not fall out about it" through gritted teeth.

And repeat.

And repeat.

Forever.

Eventually, no matter how thick she is, she will recognise it as the BACK OFF! it is.

rattieofcarcassone · 14/04/2017 19:13

As somebody else said up thread, "that's nice." on repeat!

Funnyonion17 · 14/04/2017 19:15

She's an idiot. Every street has got one. Just smile and say well good for you but I'm not about to take parenting tips from you any time soon so keep your opinions to yourself.

Even if you feel like your quaking inside, fake the confidence. Then walk away! You owe her nothing and you don't have to be nice just as she lives next door.

notanothernamechangebabes · 14/04/2017 19:17

Or the MN favourite- ask her to repeat what she's said then say "oh! I thought you said that! Did you mean to be so rude?"

I've used it to great effect when people stick their oar in.

Thinkingblonde · 14/04/2017 19:21

Has she got any children of her own?

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 14/04/2017 20:29

Yes 2 grown up sons

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 14/04/2017 20:34

Your post was worded as if the neighbours themselves are 18 and 21 Grin.

If you don't want confrontation just say "Mmhmm" or "Oh, right," to every comment she makes relating to your children.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 20:39

Please don't use the 'did you mean to be so rude' unless you want to look like a bit of a knob! Because the obvious reply is 'well yes, I did'

Ditto anything involving head tilts or breezy comments or tinkly little laugh - people always advocate it on here

ThePinkOcelot · 14/04/2017 20:45

Ask her if she thinks she needs a hobby! I think she does! O

PonderLand · 14/04/2017 20:45

Argh! She reminds me of our neighbour. She makes some right comments, at first I would rise to them but now I just ignore her. She talks through a heavily leafed bush to me if I go round back. It's so bloody weird that she's always got something to say. I literally just walk off mid sentence. Although her comments are usually about the other neighbours 'oh did you know said this/did that'
It doesn't help that she shouts for us down the street either, and it's always the wrong name. And she calls my son jade Angry oh and she tells us of her master plans to kill foxes. (Reported to rspca)

We should of met the neighbours before buying, but for now ignoring does the trick.

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 14/04/2017 21:46

Oh yes I see how it could have read like that - apologies. Neighbour is a single parent to the two grown up daughters.

OP posts:
notanothernamechangebabes · 14/04/2017 22:09

Livia ... did YOU mean to be so rude??

I'm not doing a head tilt or a tinkly laugh. I'm raising my eyebrows.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 22:10

Yes - yes I did...

HTH.

Thinkingblonde · 15/04/2017 01:48

I'm confused, your op reads as if the neighbours are 18 & 20, you then say she has two grown up sons, you then further update to say she is a single parent of two daughters?

IChangedM · 15/04/2017 01:52

Thinkingblonde

I read it like that too and was shocked like you. When I reread I realised she meant the neighbours kids were that age.

I

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 15/04/2017 02:06

Tell her to keep her nose out! Although I do find it a bit odd that all your DS and all his school chums call their DF by their first names..when dad has surficed for GKHL. Makes me think of the kamir rouge (sp) and suchlike, with their re-education.

Birdsgottaf1y · 15/04/2017 02:11

You've got it to cut her dead and be assertive, back.

Tell her straight, or it won't stop.

""your husband is a right dope isn't it "

Would have been with a stone cold "No, that's why he's paid to save lives/run into burning buildings", then a stare so she has to elaborate, don't make it easy.