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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

letting neighbours constant comments upset me

59 replies

Annoyedangelina · 14/04/2017 18:21

I wish I was a stronger character but I'm finding myself getting increasingly upset by it
My children are 7 and 4 and the neighbours are 18 and 21 so obviously not all that much in common but she has a love of cats and so would often feed ours and bring him back when it got dark.
This in itself was slightly annoying as he started treating her house like a second home, going in the minute I would leave to go out for the day!
Anyway it started with some passing comments about hearing us in the garden and we must have the patience of saints as the kids are " wild " - this was a day it had been raining and they were jumping in muddy puddles and some mud got on me and she heard me say " more for the washing machine " or something along those lines
She then said eldest son was rude for not saying thankyou for the Xmas cards she put through for the children but he had written one back to her and was probably just a bit shy in person; we've only lived here 6 months so doesn't really know her
She's made a few other passing comments about her children " getting a whack for less " when we've been getting in the car and they've been messing around or annoying each other and I thought I had made it quite clear the last time she said that, that we don't do that and are quite positive parenting types I guess to which she laughed and said another fad and that's why kids these days end up feral.
Since then I've tried to avoid her but I've just seen her putting the bins out and she said " your husband is a right dope isn't it " I said why? And she replied " I heard your kids taking the right piss out of him yesterday and he just took it " I honestly didn't have a clue what she was talking about as I was at work and then it turned out they had been referring to him by his first name rather than " dad " That was it! She went on about how disrespectful it was and that for a young fit man like my husband ( he's a firefighter, quite heavily tattooed and has a motorbike so she probably has stereotyped him and he isn't meeting her expectation ) they are treating him like shit.
She was outraged she had heard our oldest son say " you are my best friend dad that's why I'm going to call you by your name "
It's a passing phase, all his school friends are doing it and for the majority of the time he calls him daddy unless he remembers not to!
I don't want a fall out but I'm getting a bit sick of the comments

OP posts:
user1491572121 · 15/04/2017 02:38

Just ignore her. Literally. Don't look at her or respond. Fuck her Christmas cards and her comments.

Or if you can't do that, then when she next says something personal and rude say "What on earth are you rambling about now? I worry about you I honestly do...you seem a bit obsessed"

Then don't wait for her reply....turn and walk off.

Atenco · 15/04/2017 03:39

Her comments are pretty appalling but my philosophy is to avoid conflict with neighbours to the best of my ability, especially when I own the property. So I reckon your best policy is "uhu" "that's nice" "you don't say!"

myusernamewastaken · 15/04/2017 08:06

I had a friend like this years ago....she was always making barbed comments about my 2 sons....things like 'oh i dont know how you cope' and 'my Jake was never as naughty as yours'......it really used to piss me off.....im too much of a coward to snap back so i just quietly dropped her as a friend.....
For the record my boys are now 18 and 20 and have turned into fine young men and i am very proud of them.

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 15/04/2017 08:09

Sorry was in a rush when replying last time
She has two grown up daughters aged 18 and 21 and I have 2 young sons aged 4 and 7
I don't know why the eldest thinks it's so funny to call him by his first name. It's a game almost that his school friends do and he thinks it's funny.
When I asked him not to he said his dad was his best friend that's why he does it so I left it after that!
As I say it's not often anyway.
I will have to be assertive with her as she's just popped a note through our door this morning to say she can hear the kids playing in the living room and do I realise it's 7.15am and can't the little bastards stay quiet until a reasonable hour!
I always make sure they go straight downstairs once up so they don't wake up neighbours who are in bed but clearly this isn't good enough either

OP posts:
Thinkingblonde · 15/04/2017 08:18

Tell her to mind her own business, your dc can make as much noise as they like in their own home and you do not appreciate her calling them bastards. 7:15 am is a reasonable hour.
She is over involved in your life.
Don't worry about upsetting her, she isn't bothered about upsetting you with her remarks.

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 15/04/2017 08:22

I'm popping a note through her door before we go out saying " 7.15 is the normal time they wake for school and so on so we feel this is a reasonable hour. We take them downstairs as to not disturb anyone still asleep. I don't appreciate the swearing and comments regarding my children up until now and as I would like to not fall out, please stop making them "

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 15/04/2017 08:31

What on earth is wrong with calling someone by their name? It is beyond me how that can be seen as rude and a bizarre throwback to previous generations.

Yanbu but you need to avoid and stop going into each others houses.

myusernamewastaken · 15/04/2017 08:38

Omg she put a note through your door calling your kids 'bastards'...im a complete coward but i would be banging on her door now and tearing a strip off her......she is bullying you op and you need to take a stand or she will continue.

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 15/04/2017 08:43

We don't go into each other's houses
These comments are made in passing when I see her
When we first moved in she used to want to come in for vast amounts of time and would then complain the kids didn't sit down quietly so we became unavailable whenever she asked to pop in and that stopped it

OP posts:
Atenco · 15/04/2017 10:59

Gosh she's got a nerve! Your note sounds very constrained. How dare she!

LesLavandes · 15/04/2017 11:01

Wow. Calling your children 'little bastards' is not acceptable. What age is she? Perhaps she has mental health issues?

Nanny0gg · 15/04/2017 11:09

What age is she? Perhaps she has mental health issues?

Or maybe she's just, you know, rude?

There's plenty of people like that about.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/04/2017 11:10

Have you put the note through her door?

If not, don't do it. Keep it for future reference but don't respond to her in the same manner, just ignore her and if she tries to get your attention by saying some stupid arsey comment don't bite.

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 15/04/2017 11:20

I haven't as I actually think she might knock shouting at me in front of the kids which I don't want
I don't think she's got mental health issues but has been signed off sick from work for years due to being extremely overweight and having lots of abscesses and so on so no doubt that's had an effect on her mental health
I do however just think this is her way of thinking and she can't understand why I'm not the same

OP posts:
emilybrontescorset · 15/04/2017 11:32

I would ignore and blank her from now .
Totally a t as if she isn't there.
No wonder the other neighbours don't speak to her.

PuppyMonkey · 15/04/2017 11:38

She actually wrote "little bastards." Hmm

don't engage at all now - just blank her stone dead.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/04/2017 11:47

Do you know for certain it was her and not one of the kids who thought it was funny?

QuintessentialShadow · 15/04/2017 11:48

"Do you have opinions on politics too, or just my family?"

And if she says she DOES have opinions on politics, you just cut her off saying

"Thats ok, but I dont want to hear them either"

Walk away.

MrsCobain · 15/04/2017 12:02

Little bastards? Shock

Ignore ignore ignore. She sounds like she could get way worse.

(Imagine going around and telling her what a twat she is though.)

Funnyonion17 · 15/04/2017 12:03

Come on op. Stand upto her! She's bored and bullying you as a form of entertainment. I'm not very confrontational but when pushed so far i don't give a shit.

I would have been banging on her door and telling her to back off and fuckoff. Anymore of her nonsense and I'd have reported her for antisocial behaviour. It is not normal to insert yourself into the lives and business of the neighbours, she's way over invested and the note is the final straw. She thinks she's worked you out and you won't stand upto her, all bullies do that before they start as they need to feel safe enough to not look stupid first.

You need to put her in her place!

Original poster
Annoyedangelina · 15/04/2017 14:35

It wouldn't be the sons
They looked mortified yesterday when she was spouting
I need to say something I know - I just don't want to knock and it look like I'm the agreessor

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 15/04/2017 14:41

Can you please clarify again, does she have sons or daughters? You keep changing....

user1491572121 · 15/04/2017 14:44

Don't put any note through! Post her own back into her door and write "Leave us alone" on it in red.

DO NOT pander to her.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/04/2017 14:47

Hmm at posters suggesting confrontation - do you enjoy spending your time stirring people up?

Aworldofmyown · 15/04/2017 14:47

I would post the note back through her door and ignore her.