letting neighbours constant comments upset me

[Annoyedangelina]

I wish I was a stronger character but I'm finding myself getting increasingly upset by it
My children are 7 and 4 and the neighbours are 18 and 21 so obviously not all that much in common but she has a love of cats and so would often feed ours and bring him back when it got dark.
This in itself was slightly annoying as he started treating her house like a second home, going in the minute I would leave to go out for the day!
Anyway it started with some passing comments about hearing us in the garden and we must have the patience of saints as the kids are " wild " - this was a day it had been raining and they were jumping in muddy puddles and some mud got on me and she heard me say " more for the washing machine " or something along those lines
She then said eldest son was rude for not saying thankyou for the Xmas cards she put through for the children but he had written one back to her and was probably just a bit shy in person; we've only lived here 6 months so doesn't really know her
She's made a few other passing comments about her children " getting a whack for less " when we've been getting in the car and they've been messing around or annoying each other and I thought I had made it quite clear the last time she said that, that we don't do that and are quite positive parenting types I guess to which she laughed and said another fad and that's why kids these days end up feral.
Since then I've tried to avoid her but I've just seen her putting the bins out and she said " your husband is a right dope isn't it " I said why? And she replied " I heard your kids taking the right piss out of him yesterday and he just took it " I honestly didn't have a clue what she was talking about as I was at work and then it turned out they had been referring to him by his first name rather than " dad " That was it! She went on about how disrespectful it was and that for a young fit man like my husband ( he's a firefighter, quite heavily tattooed and has a motorbike so she probably has stereotyped him and he isn't meeting her expectation ) they are treating him like shit.
She was outraged she had heard our oldest son say " you are my best friend dad that's why I'm going to call you by your name "
It's a passing phase, all his school friends are doing it and for the majority of the time he calls him daddy unless he remembers not to!
I don't want a fall out but I'm getting a bit sick of the comments

It wouldn't be the sons? Whose sons?

If you're not going to do anything about it then she'll continue

However seeing as you can't decide whether she has sons or daughters I've resorted instead!

Just be polite and civil but ignore, ignore, ignore. If she's that bat shit crazy she will escalate it if you annoy her. Just nod your head at her, mumble hello and refuse to engage.

I found a really upbeat and friendly 'well it works for us' repeated after every single criticism/snide comment does the job. They can't possibly take offence to that if you keep the tone light and happy, but equally it's like talking to a brick wall. Eventually they'll give up on trying to get their very important observations and criticisms through to you.

I like that kmc

There is no point antagonising people like that and no point engaging but that reply is a polite shut down.

And "of course we'll try but you know what kids are like* tinkly laugh -about the early morning noise and so on.

Don't engage with her by sending notes or getting in to an argument. She wants a reaction.

When she starts on with her comments, shut her down politely with something neutral/non-committal like "Mmmmmmm, that's interesting. Well, must go, stuff to do" (or whatever you prefer).

she has both actually but daughters have left home
The sons still live there sorry written too quickly but meant it wouldn't be either or her children

To be honest I tried to change some details so that if the neighbour uses this site it wouldn't be obvious who it was