To not want to sell my house?

[lizzieoak]

Ever since my divorce people have been encouraging me to sell my house. Through stubbornness & cheapness I've managed to hang on to it. The mortgage is pretty high. Once I'm no longer getting child support I may have to sell, or get roommates.

Aside from it being my home for 20 years and I love it, I want to keep it as long as possible so that my kids can benefit properly from it. Right now they're too young (late teens early 20's) to buy in this very expensive market (& we're in Canada so very spread out so moving towns means possibly never seeing loved ones again due to cost & distance). So I'd like to hang on as long as possible so that downsizing or dieing here does them some good. They want me to enjoy my life, friends and coworkers think I should move, but I figure a) I love me house and b) I don't enjoy life a ton anyway as I hate my job & hate being single - I might as well benefit the kids and help to make their lives easier than mine has been.

AIBU?

Why not get a lodger now to take some of the pressure off? Or charge the older child board?

Why not?

What's your income like, compared to the mortgage?

I know what you mean but I'm sure your children would be sad if they thought that you were struggling to make ends meet in order to retain the house for them.

My older dc has her own flat. We sometimes rent out part of the house but as the separation between spaces is not very secure I'm fussy about who is in there - so it sometimes lies empty between terms.

I had to buy the exh out of the house so the mortgage is high. My salary would cover the mortgage and my food (not ds'), but there would be no money for frivolities like heat and electricity. I'm hoping that by the time ds is done uni & im not getting child support anymore that I can either extend the life of the mortgage (so pay more long term in interest but make it affordable), and rent out the extra space more often. Or that I'll be seized w the urge to downsize.

I think it's mostly wanting the kids to have what I didn't (an inheritance), but also that (having given up on meeting someone and having that sort of future), all I've got is feeling safe and I feel safe at home. At some point I may get fed up w it, but I would certainly want to wait at least till ds is done at uni (in 5+ years, degrees take longer here and he's still in school a year and a bit away from starting university).

Treetop, the kids have said that (I've got lovely kids), but I feel sure that 20 years after I'm dead and their life is easier because of me they'll be glad for it.

If I can't have the life that would make me content (less money worries and a life partner), then my existence can at least do my children some good.

It isn't usually practical to live on your own in a large house long term. How old are you? Can't you downsize and give your dc some of the profit, if you want them to benefit?

Whereabouts in Canada? Because here in BC the rental market is insane and the price of property is soaring. Could you get a grant to separate the house properly and rent it out. I know Coast Capital were at one point giving people grants to house refugees. I do a Boys and Girls Club program where I house a young pregnant homeless girl.

It's not big really, just has an extra space in the basement (common in my area). Our part of the house is one floor and not large rooms.

But if I only down-sized the amount I could give the kids would have to be when they are old enough w good enough jobs to get mortgages. Otherwise - given how fast the market accelerates here - the money could sit in the bank and be much less useful by the time they're old enough to be in a position to use it.

If you love it and can make the finances work then stay. It's your home. No one has the right to tell you to leave and if you love it, then stay.

I love my home, if we split, I would probably leave, simply as it would be too much for me to manage and it's too rural, but I would be very sad to go, so I get your feelings.

We share laundry space and I had one tenant who turned out to be mentally ill and was threatening. So now I prefer short-term esl female tenants as I don't feel safe w a permanent stranger who is next to impossible to evict.

I am in BC (don't want to be specific), but yes, costs are mad.

Thanks Bluntness. It's a combo of my home that I love and the kids inheritance.

I don't consider heating to be a frivolity. You say you're not enjoying life, if you can't afford heating then I'm sure you probably enjoy many other things/experiences either that will bring you pleasure.

Don't stay their for your kids inheritance! Crazy for you to be miserable and not afford heating now so they can afford a few extra holidays in 20 years time.

That's okay, we have heat now, I was being sarcastic calling it a frivolity. We have heat and leccy now (child support pays that essentially), just I can't pay for everything without it, so down the road would have to find money from somewhere to cover some things.

You can have an agreement with a college to house ESL students. It's pretty safe and secure.

In BC I wouldn't give up owning for renting. It's so insecure!

And Bovney, it's not so they can afford holidays (!), it's so they can maybe, maybe afford a small house. Housing here is amongst the most expensive in the world so inheritance is pretty much required for locals to stay here.

Not sure what the situation is in Canada, but here in the Uk there is no guarantee that kid will inherit a parents property - it can all be taken by the state to pay for Nursing home fees !!

Mrs P, we used to do homestay but I burned out on it. Plus it doesn't pay very well when you consider having to feed them. I may go back to it, but while I do advertise on the uni sites I have no takers yet for the summer term.

I've heard that about nursing home fees! Bloody hell. No, where I live we have state care homes and they basically charge around 80% of your pension to pay for it, your home is safe (my mum was in care & that's how it worked).

Well I'm guessing you aren't in Van or Vic because you could be renting a rat-infested dungeon and still have 50 applicants!

AirBnB?

I am there, just am fussy about who I rent it to due to my previous scary tenant. I won't take men after that experience and female tenants are not biting my hand off for the summer term. I have no problem during the main term.

It can be worrying! Is it practical to make the basement more separate?

I work in housing (non-profit tenant education) in BC hence the nosiness!

Is there a reason you've given up on the life partner thang.

It's also furnished and locals don't want that and I don't want to get rid of all my nice stuff. As much as I need the money, it would feel too much like I'd lost part of my house if it was unfurnished. And unless it was a really lovely, calm woman, probably who I knew already, the idea of a long-term stranger kind of creeps me out. ESL's are likely to move a boyfriend in as they leave in 4-8 months. We've had wonderful ESL tenants so far - the one local was not well mentally and scared the shit out of us while he was here. So it's not rational, but I prefer ESL's and definitely female. If I was forced to take a local guy I'd stop renting as I just wouldn't feel safe. I know it's silly, but I just have too much anxiety without looking for it!

Surely something can be done to make the properties securely separate and then rent to a long term let? I'd think it would be worth investing in to achieve a good rental income which will provide you with income and protect your assets and also increase the value?

Get a couple of friendly builders in to advise or an architect if it's complicated.

Sorry, should have read "ESL's are less likely to move a boyfriend in".

Have given up on a partner as I've been alone 10+ years, it hasn't happened, being hopeful was making my depression worse as Hope kept smacking up against the reality. If it happens that would be wonderful, but actively looking was making me feel a lot worse.