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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with friend?

91 replies

AyeAyeFishyPie · 13/04/2017 20:42

Friend lives about a 5 hr drive away. We have journeyed to see them before. When we have stayed with them we have ensured we have bought alcohol and paid for breakfast out to say thanks.

Friend stayed with us this time. She is wedding dress shopping and another of my friends is making it for her. She is a vegan so I made sure I bought everything for good homemade vegan recipes. She was with us for two nights. Didn't bring anything with her apart from soya milk - I'm OK with that, I told her she didn't need to bring food. Went out for lunch yesterday. She ordered a lot more than I did and then suggested we split the bill. She left her bed in a state and left her wet towel on it. I had to cajole her into having a shower this morning as she hadn't had one since being at work Tuesday and was being measured for her dress this morning.

I have a cold so am probably a bit sensitive but I feel like I have hosted an ungrateful teenager who keeps using the phrase 'adulting' - we are nearly 30 ffs....

Aibu to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Giddyaunt18 · 14/04/2017 17:54

Well. Mammy they are just rude. What does your DH think about it ? Or your MIL?

Dumdedumdedum · 14/04/2017 18:49

I really don't get this lack of basic manners, but then, I am over 60 so obviously very, very, old and uptight, with no idea of how to have fun or be polite. My friends and I have always brought gifts/flowers/bottles/shared food bills when visiting each other, ever since we were at university together (When We Were Very Young, so not Old Fogeys at the time), even if we were told not to by our hosts, and vice versa. My daughter (currently a university student) knows to do the same, but some of her friends don't. It's culture and upbringing, I suppose.

dilapidated · 14/04/2017 18:55

What's adulting?

Mammysin · 14/04/2017 18:57

Giddyaunt we are all mightily pissed off 😠. PILs are dropping them back to the airport early and dh & I will toast their departure 😀. MIL is the most generous person ever - we enjoyed swapping tales of their stinginess yesterday. Female relative said they didn't have credit card so couldn't use car rental, however she used credit card to buy shampoo when I was with her . It will amuse us for a long time I suppose ...

Giddyaunt18 · 14/04/2017 19:19

Oh well OP I'm glad for you that your DH and PIL are nothing like them otherwise you'd be in for a lifetime if it!!

Giddyaunt18 · 14/04/2017 19:21

Dumedum I totally agree, I'm in my 40s and it's something I saw my own parents do so naturally I behave in the same way.

Pigface1 · 14/04/2017 21:11

I'm really surprised at some of the responses on here. I don't think the OP is being remotely U. It's really bad manners to turn up to stay with someone (other than very close family) without a token of thanks. Leaving a wet towel on a bed in someone else's house is rude. As to the bill, if I'd ordered more than my companion, I'd at least offer to pay a bit more (then the person who had less can say 'don't worry, let's split it equally' or they can accept without embarrassment).

And I'm sorry but not washing for two days and expecting someone else to touch you/trying on dresses is fucking gross. Glad I'm not her doctor!!

pandarific · 14/04/2017 21:14

OP YWNBU if you had actually asked your friend to bring food, and she hadn't. You specifically told her not to, and she did after all bring milk for teas/coffees. Yes, she could have gone against it but I would be frustrated with you for saying one thing and clearly meaning another.

Complaining about the towel on the bed and her using the word 'adulting' is just petty - in a friendship where you actually liked the other person these would never even enter into your mind, because you would be enjoying the company of your friend - hence my saying you don't seem to like her much.

You have a point about the other things, yes a bit annoying, but none of these are major transgressions and your level of annoyance seems a bit high.

pandarific · 14/04/2017 21:14

Time to call time on the friendship if she annoys you that much!

Batghee · 14/04/2017 21:18

I think you are overeacting slightly. People have different standards and the things she did, although you may not do them at someones house, are not outside the realms of normality.
For instance i would not leave a wet towel on a bed but nor would i care if a guest left one on a bed in my house. Some people are a bit more messy than others. Some people eat more in general as well and you have to factor that in! What you think is a decent amount of food might not be all someone else would eat. When youve got guests i think youve got to expect a bit of that.

It honestly sounds like you just dont like her or that things have been building up over time. Or perhaps that you are stressed at the moment?

Original poster
AyeAyeFishyPie · 15/04/2017 01:08

Pandarific - you still haven't told me what I am supposedly jealous of.

Also re food as many posters have pointed out I said she didn't need to bring food, but flowers or a bottle of wine would have been appreciated

OP posts:
KC225 · 15/04/2017 01:28

I think the OP is having a hard time on here. I think your friend is ill mannered.

So you you told her not to bring anything, a good friend or guest would bring flowers/wine/candle gift type thing. Some decent snacks. It's good manners.

kali110 · 15/04/2017 03:03

You told her not to bring anything, but you're moaning that she did just that? Hmm
I wouldn't expect any of my friends to bring anything if i invite them over, they're my guests.
I don't need them too.
If she's drovedown to see to see you i imagine it's cost her quite a bit in petrol too.
Also don't see why ahe should have had to buy you breakfast!
Why, because she's staying with you? Confused
If you weren't happy with the cost why not just ask to pay for what you each purchased?
I agree in regards to the towel, but i don't think it's a major offence.
I also would have showered before a fitting, but i can understand if your friend found it rather patronising you telling her.

kali110 · 15/04/2017 03:07

KC225 some people obv think differently.
I wouldn't take anything over if i was staying at my friends house unless they asked me for something, just as i wouldn't expect them to bring me anything!
Nothing to do with being a good host, i don't need a gift off my friends simply for having them round!
Maybe the op's relationship is different considering they live apart now and i still live quite close to my group of friends.

LouKout · 15/04/2017 03:57

I would never tell a friend to shower. It's completely her own business.

pandarific · 15/04/2017 11:10

I didn't say you were OP, I asked if you were, or if it was something else at play. I asked as you seemed disproportionately angry vs the level of the offenses.

Maybe she's your BEC (Bitch Eating Crackers)?

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