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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with friend?

91 replies

AyeAyeFishyPie · 13/04/2017 20:42

Friend lives about a 5 hr drive away. We have journeyed to see them before. When we have stayed with them we have ensured we have bought alcohol and paid for breakfast out to say thanks.

Friend stayed with us this time. She is wedding dress shopping and another of my friends is making it for her. She is a vegan so I made sure I bought everything for good homemade vegan recipes. She was with us for two nights. Didn't bring anything with her apart from soya milk - I'm OK with that, I told her she didn't need to bring food. Went out for lunch yesterday. She ordered a lot more than I did and then suggested we split the bill. She left her bed in a state and left her wet towel on it. I had to cajole her into having a shower this morning as she hadn't had one since being at work Tuesday and was being measured for her dress this morning.

I have a cold so am probably a bit sensitive but I feel like I have hosted an ungrateful teenager who keeps using the phrase 'adulting' - we are nearly 30 ffs....

Aibu to be pissed off?

OP posts:
user1471558436 · 14/04/2017 12:12

I do do gifts generally but just flowers or booze but I'd never expect anything of visitors

liviadrusilla · 14/04/2017 12:15

Most of those things would annoy me too!

Mammysin · 14/04/2017 12:16

Argh, dh's relatives came to stay with us this weekend. We gave them lovely lunch & dinner with drinks, good breakfast, brought them to lovely amenity again lunch with drinks before going to another relatives. We hosted them & 6 others to drinks and meal . Not one thank you, not one bottle of wine . They won't be welcome here again 😡

BigGrannyPants · 14/04/2017 12:30

You are not her mum, if she meets your other friend and smells, that is not your responsibility. I would never expect a house guest to contribute and splitting the bill seems fine to me, if you really are bothered about the bill I suggest you just pay separately in future. I think you have overreacted.

Giddyaunt18 · 14/04/2017 12:40

mammysin They didn't say thanks as they left?

Rainybo · 14/04/2017 12:48

YABU and uptight. You don't like her. You don't like any responses that don't agree with you and your attitude comes across loud and clear on these posts.

Out of you and your friend, I know who sounds more fun (if a little smelly!).

Giddyaunt18 · 14/04/2017 12:58

Ha! What's fun about being rude, messy and smelly?

Birdsgottaf1y · 14/04/2017 13:09

It's disgusting not to wash when someone is going to be 'up close' to you, whether it's a dress fitting, health appointment or going onto busy public transport.

When i was Vegan i didn't want to buy animal products, so that could be a reason.

However, the leaving the room in a state, shows that she is thoughtless, so that's more likely the reason.

I've met many of these 'free spirited/fun' people,who are just actually selfish piss takers.

PeterHouseMD · 14/04/2017 13:12

To consider going to a wedding dress fitting without showering for two day?

Mank and disrespectful Angry

aprilsdelight · 14/04/2017 13:38

Yanbu, whenever i'm told "not to bring anything" i would never take it literally, more like the host being polite. But that alone wouldn't bother me too much, it's the presumption that you should pay more for your meal than you should, (when really she should have paid for yours as you do when you go to hers), and the leaving of a wet towel on the bed? that's like something a teenager would do. It's all these things combined that would piss me off.

pandarific · 14/04/2017 13:39

You told her not to bring food FFS! Are you jealous of something, or..? Either it's your cold throwing you out, or you don't like her very much. She didn't actually do anything wrong.

LadyPW · 14/04/2017 13:40

she had already said that she 'stunk' and that she 'didn't have time for a shower'
So she knew she needed a shower but was going to go there without one?! Shock Gross. Basic personal hygiene.

LadyPW · 14/04/2017 13:43

I don't expect my guests to pay for anything when they are visiting
That's fine if the visits alternate and you don't bother buying them anything / paying for anything when you're at theirs, but OP does bother at theirs so good manners would say friend should have offered (even if OP then said no thanks). It's the gesture.

aprilsdelight · 14/04/2017 13:44

Perfectly understandable that the op told her she didn't need to bring food. The friend is a vegan so might have presumed she needed to bring something other than what the Op had in. The Op was letting her know that she'd be fine catering for her diet.

LadyPW · 14/04/2017 13:47

Out of you and your friend, I know who sounds more fun (if a little smelly!).
Oh yeah, I'd love a friend who took me for granted, didn't respect my home and couldn't bother to wash. Sounds soooooo much nicer to be around than OP. I mean, who'd want to spend time with someone who'd show they valued your friendship, would take care of your belongings and wouldn't offend your nostrils? No, I much prefer the sound of Stinky Thoughtless Friend Hmm

Chocolatecake12 · 14/04/2017 13:53

I can't believe she didn't at least bring a bottle!
I wouldn't dream of going to a friends to stay for a couple of nights empty handed.
I think splitting the bill was fair enough, I hate quibbling over who had what etc unless it's a huge amount.
I think that if you want to keep this friendship then you have to accept her for who she is and that includes being a bit thoughtless, messy and smelly!

Original poster
AyeAyeFishyPie · 14/04/2017 14:06

Some people are utterly bizarre. I have acknowledged that lots of people think I'm being unreasonable so that's food for thought. The comments about 'my attitude' and her being 'more fun' than me based on what I have written are genuinely hilarious. I mean she may well be - but not from what I have written here. Strange place this.

OP posts:
aprilsdelight · 14/04/2017 14:10

I'm struggling to think how the ops friend sounds more fun too. Smelly piss taker is how i'd describe her.

Original poster
AyeAyeFishyPie · 14/04/2017 14:13

April - apparently that's more fun than me!

OP posts:
aprilsdelight · 14/04/2017 14:17
Grin
aprilsdelight · 14/04/2017 14:26

Another thing, of course it's fine to split the bill, but usually the one that spends far more would usually offer to pay the difference (it's just manners) and then the other one would usually refuse. The ops friend didn't offer, just presumptuously thought the op would be ok to share.

Original poster
AyeAyeFishyPie · 14/04/2017 14:32

Pandarific - maybe I am jealous of people who don't feel the need to do things like pick up a bill/bring a bottle and think nothing of not doing it even when other people do it for theme. Other than that I'm not sure what you're getting at.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 14/04/2017 15:07

Nope YANBU.

She should have picked up the bill for the meal, after all you are facilitating her getting the wedding dress SHE wants made for her, putting her up for 2 days and providing for her during that time.

I cant imagine someone doing all that and not doing something nice for them back.

And as for your dressmaker friend if it was me and someone rocked up for a fitting saying 'sorry I stink I couldnt be bothered to shower for 2 days' I would tell them to come back once they had! Its just rank. I know people can go 2 days without showering and they are fine, but if you KNOW you stink and you still cant be bothered then its really not fine.

Mammysin · 14/04/2017 17:31

No giddyaunt not one thank you. Interestingly, neither did they wash. They are at mils ans assuming they washed on Saturday morning (unlikely) neither had washed by Wednesday. They had an ensure staying with me and mil said there was loads of hot water. Smelly pisstakers indeed !

Mammysin · 14/04/2017 17:32

Sorry that should be ensuite