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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That my period came

100 replies

24carrottop · 12/04/2017 22:10

I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't help being upset.

I have a DD who is almost 3. She was a surprise baby and very much loved.

Recently my DH and I decided to try for another child. We started trying a couple of weeks ago and I got my period today. I stupidly bought those ovulation tests and got myself stupidly excited that I might be pregnant. I feel rubbish that my period arrived today. I know a couple of friends who've suffered from secondary infertility and it weighs heavily on my mind all the time.

Because my daughter was a surprise I have no real way of knowing how long it takes me conceive if you know what I mean.

I know I'm being unreasonable because a) I already have a child and b) this is only the first
Month of trying but I never expected to feel such sadness this morning 😞

I suppose the question I'd like to ask you ladies (or men if you can answer for your wives) is how long did it take you to conceive your second child?

OP posts:

Londonjam · 13/04/2017 20:38

No offence meant at all but only the people who conceived easily say 'Enjoy the trying'. Long term TTC is horrendous. It's not something you enjoy, trust me. Have a quick read of the infertility boards to back this up.

youarenotkiddingme · 13/04/2017 20:43

It's not unreasonable to feel how you feel.

I do think you are worrying unnecessarily. It is only the first month after all.

But I guess age makes a difference as you can worry about how long you try before having to accept it may not happen.

Luttrell · 13/04/2017 20:46

It's about a 1 in 7 chance every cycle.

Seriously try to chill. Media these days has us thinking it's incredibly easy, 100% guaranteed the moment the condom's off, and obviously it isn't.

6 cycles for my first, 3 for my second.

flownthecoopkiwi · 13/04/2017 20:53

Took 4 months to get pregnant both times, but every period I got while trying felt like a hammer blow. I was late 30's and almost 40 second time around so felt nothing was certain about my fertility.

EB123 · 13/04/2017 21:04

Number 1 was a happy accident, result of one night.
Number 2 was straight away.
Number 3 took around 8 months.

Good luck x

PerspicaciaTick · 13/04/2017 21:12

Two weeks - I think you are getting a bit ahead of things, being sad about secondary infertility at this stage.
I tried for DC1 for 3 years and DC2 for 3.5 years. I had MCs, an ectopic and DC2 was conceived via IVF. It was a journey which dominated nearly a decade of my life, what with TTCing, pregnancies and a gap between giving birth to DC1 and starting trying for DC2. I think I would have burned out if I had started feeling sad a fortnight into the journey.
I hope you are lucky very soon, happy shagging .

DesertSky · 13/04/2017 21:17

Londonjam I didn't mean to cause offence at all I was just saying to the OP that as it's only her first month of 'trying' it's far too early to even think about worrying and just to 'enjoy' practising baby-making for the time being as oppose to getting worked up about it and obsessing how quickly she will fall.

RocketPockets · 13/04/2017 21:25

It took me 3 months to get pregnant with my first and I cried each time my period came. It didn't help everyone kept asking me why I wasn't pregnant yet and I was forever saying we aren't even trying even though we were 🙄
My sister her first was an accident and then it took 4 yrs for her to get pregnant with her 2nd and then 3 months after she had dc2 she got pregnant with dc3!
Good luck!

Ilovewillow · 13/04/2017 21:27

It's ok to be upset about it and perfectly normal to wonder about infertility but in all likelihood you just need to give it some time. Since you asked though 8 yrs and 5 yrs - both of my children are IVF. You are perfectly entitled to ask but for some people it does touch a raw nerve! Wishing you every luck!

Londonjam · 13/04/2017 21:41

Desertsky fair enough, that early on she probably should relax and enjoy it you're right

PorkyPandora · 13/04/2017 21:44

DC1 - 3 years
DC 2 - 2 years (stillborn)
DCs 4 & 5 - unplanned 1 time without protection!
DC5 - 1st attempt at TTC.

Go figure.

paddypants13 · 13/04/2017 22:11

Dd was a surprise, took about 4 months to conceive ds. Don't start worrying yet op. Have you come off hormonal contraception?

fourpawswhite · 13/04/2017 22:22

Difficult subject eh. Yes everyone entitled to their worries and opinions but some sensitivity here at times would not go amiss. Six miscarriages, failed IVF, breaking my heart.

Every single period that arrives is like a kick in the guts, so yes I can empathise with that feeling. Having read back and noticing people saying posters have jumped on op, that is not true at all. The diamond shoes analogy is more accurate. It's not that I can't feel your pain, it's just my shoes are a lot tighter. Good luck.

WatchHowISoar · 13/04/2017 22:33

I miscarried my first which took a year to conceive and took another year for my second. My friend took 5 years dc1 6 weeks dc2 😱.

WatchHowISoar · 13/04/2017 22:34

When you are ttc periods do feel like a slap especially if they come late.

StrawberryJelly00 · 13/04/2017 22:39

This thread is offensive to alot of people going through the turmoil of infertility.

I say that as someone who is currently pregnant I know how lucky I am.

Patience is a virtue though? Surely stressing out so early on is going to impact on your fertility anyway?

UnbornMortificado · 13/04/2017 22:41

DD1 first time I had sex while on the pill

DD2 2 months, DS1 3 months DS2 1 month.

I'm currently pregnant took two years with one mc in between.

I lost both my sons, DS1 at 19 weeks and DS2 at 24 weeks (neonatal death) I get the every period feeling like a bereavement and I'm not offensive.

YANBU to feel how you do you can't help your feelings. As a PP said the average is 9 month I think.

delilahbucket · 13/04/2017 22:42

YABVVU
Bloody secondary infertility! Seriously?! After one month?
Words fail me. Head on over to the infertility board. Might give you some perspective op.

SpookyPotato · 14/04/2017 06:26

First was a surprise and second one was after dtd twice.

JustHereForThePooStories · 14/04/2017 06:36

Seeing as you asked-

Yes, you're being unreasonable, and quite silly.

poppythetroll · 14/04/2017 06:49

9 months of trying with DD, was getting to the point of concern (my concern no-one else's, i was getting impatient) so I bought ovulation sticks, second month of using the sticks I was pregnant - I even know exactly when I conceived.

DD is now 4 and we had decided not to have any more children, that was until last March when I returned from a holiday really ill... Turns out I was pregnant, I was on the pill, I couldn't even work out my due date until my scan as my periods were so sporadic and I couldn't work out when we'd last had sex !!!

I never really believed people when they said "oh it was such a shock" I used to think well if you have sex then it should never be a shock but now I feel completely different!!!

I do think stress is a huge factor. we hear stories all the time of women who go through all kinds of treatment to get pregnant, or even adopt and then find themselves conceiving naturally!!! I know 3 women who this happened to; one of my friends was told she'd never had children, she didn't even try any treatment, just kind of accepted the fact - she is now mother to two gorgeous little boys!!!

Strummerville · 14/04/2017 06:50

I initially thought you were being a bit U, but then I remembered that I was in exactly the same situation (surprise first baby, ttc second) and felt exactly the same as you when my period came the first month . Funny how we forget these things.

Anyway, for us it happened the very next month. Best of luck.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 14/04/2017 06:50

I don't think YABU at all.

If you have fertility problems, with a reason or unexplained, it really can take its toll when others pop out 3/4 kids under 6 no issue.

So I totally understand the disappointment.

I would hold off pregnancy tests, especially the early ones that measure 10miu of bHCG, you're basically getting confirmation that an egg has fertilised. You can end up getting obsessed.

Have they discussed using clomiphene at any stage?

theconstantinoplegardener · 14/04/2017 07:21

Our second child was conceived 18 months after our first and we'd been trying for about four months, but only conceived once my periods had started up again. I do understand why you're upset (and the hormonal turmoil that accompanies menstruation is probably contributing to this), but it's totally normal to take several months to conceive even if you are both entirely fertile. I think the chance of conception in any one month amongst fertile, sexually active couples using no contraception is about 20%!

One thing that can make it difficult to conceive is stress, so try to relax if you can (easier said than done!). If your child was conceived accidentally, the chances of you being pregnant by the end of the year are excellent.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 14/04/2017 08:19

You're obviously disappointed because you're excited about the prospect of trying and you thought it might happen really quickly. I don't get the impression you are devastated, just that you have that sense of disappointment at the thought something might have happened and it hasn't yet done. I suspected you would get negative comments but tbh no one can tell another person how they're expected to feel about something. That's not how it works.

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