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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my period came

100 replies

24carrottop · 12/04/2017 22:10

I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't help being upset.

I have a DD who is almost 3. She was a surprise baby and very much loved.

Recently my DH and I decided to try for another child. We started trying a couple of weeks ago and I got my period today. I stupidly bought those ovulation tests and got myself stupidly excited that I might be pregnant. I feel rubbish that my period arrived today. I know a couple of friends who've suffered from secondary infertility and it weighs heavily on my mind all the time.

Because my daughter was a surprise I have no real way of knowing how long it takes me conceive if you know what I mean.

I know I'm being unreasonable because a) I already have a child and b) this is only the first
Month of trying but I never expected to feel such sadness this morning 😞

I suppose the question I'd like to ask you ladies (or men if you can answer for your wives) is how long did it take you to conceive your second child?

OP posts:
Groovee · 12/04/2017 22:41

Dd was a surprise and it took 9 months to conceive Ds. I actually had given up when my period was late.

Original poster
24carrottop · 12/04/2017 22:42

I never posted this to offend margaret and I'm sorry for whatever struggles you're having/had.

I just felt really silly and upset when my period arrived. Coupled with the experiences of friends i just felt a bit scared. I know I shouldn't but I did and I was looking for some support and to find out about other people's experiences.

OP posts:
Yukbuck · 12/04/2017 22:44

No one can help their feelings. So the fact you're feeling upset is valid. It's important to discuss these feelings to help you get over them. Whether that be with a partner, friend or an Internet forum. Op was only asking for other people's experiences and making sure her feelings are normal. Everyone's experiences are different.
Good luck op. I hope you have better luck next month. 😊

Mrs9C · 12/04/2017 22:45

First was a surprise, second took 8 months.

Mrs9C · 12/04/2017 22:46

I really think it's when we stopped trying that it happened.

mrskittenpie · 12/04/2017 22:47

You are being totally and utterly unreasonable. First month? Unbelievable. You're thinking about secondary infertility already? It's offensive to those who are secondary infertile and have been trying for years not 5 minutes

Londonjam · 12/04/2017 22:47

Been trying 18 months for our first. Feel on the edge of depression and life losing its meaning some days.

I was disappointed when it didn't happen the first month. That morphed over the months into disbelief and then despair.

Currently investigating IVF options and still can't really believe this is happening to us.

HashiAsLarry · 12/04/2017 22:47

YANBU for being disappointed.
YABU for worrying so much at this stage.

abcBears · 12/04/2017 22:48

If you have already bought the ovulation tests, you are doing it right! Keep taking vitamins too whilst you are at it. It's just a tiny bit too early to think about secondary infertility Smile

HashiAsLarry · 12/04/2017 22:48

P.s. both mine tried for. DC1 5 months, DC2 8 months.

Crunchyside · 12/04/2017 22:49

I think it's normal to feel disappointed but I don't think you should be feeling overly sad or worried!

We conceived in the first month of trying both times and I feel that's just incredibly good luck. Most people take a lot longer. I was shocked to conceive so quickly as it took my parents a year to conceive me and I thought perhaps it would run in the family.

alabasterangel · 12/04/2017 22:51

6 years for first, 2 years for second.

I could be wrong, but some guru or other somewhere may have said the average is 9 months? Could be way off the mark for that, and after 5 years of trying I could have rammed that information where the sun doesn't shine.

What I would say is that my family, through respective ages of DH and myself, is very much complete courtesy of the snip. However every single month despite knowing that, I feel shitty about my period turning up. I'm in my late 40's and DH in his 50's but it doesn't stop that pang. After a combined 8 years of trying I believe that ad infinitum I will feel this way, till my periods stop. I've got so used to 'trying' it's my default position.

Just enjoy the shagging and give things a chance Grin

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 12/04/2017 22:51

25 years so far with not one conception 🙄🤔
Have a man 18 yr old dd via straight surrogacy though 😍

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 12/04/2017 22:51

An. Not a man. She's not a man

TheRealPooTroll · 12/04/2017 22:55

Was trying over a year for my first. Second took 4 months but we were trying to dtd on specific days etc whereas the first time we were just not using contraception.

ragdoll700 · 12/04/2017 22:55

It took two months with my first and 5 months with my second we have just decided to try for a third and my DH wouldent try this month as we would have been due 31 of Dec and I have gone a week early with both my children so he said we'd have it Christmas day, I on the other hand sis not think we would be so lucky to get pregnant first time.

BackInBlack78 · 12/04/2017 22:58

I tried for 9 months with my ex, although I'm thankful now that I didn't fall pregnant to him I did feel sadness with every period...

lottieandmia · 12/04/2017 22:59

I think if you can't be supportive to the op, you shouldn't post. She's allowed to be upset. You can't tell people how they 'should' feel. If you can't vent on an Internet forum where can you?

lottieandmia · 12/04/2017 23:02

'You're thinking about secondary infertility already? It's offensive to those who are secondary infertile and have been trying for years not 5 minutes'

That's nasty imo. Offensive? Please get over yourself.

BigGrannyPants · 12/04/2017 23:05

We conceived within 3 months of trying for our second but I MC then conceived within a month of trying again with twins!

My advice to you is stop trying! Just enjoy it, don't look at ovulation etc it's so much pressure

My friend tried for 5 years, and nothing, went through all sorts of tests and eventually went on the list for ivf. A month before her ivf was due to start she fell pregnant because she had given up, resigned her self to only being able to conceive through ivf, she's due in 5 weeks :)

LisaSimpsonsbff · 12/04/2017 23:07

I find it bewildering that yesterday there was an AIBU thread that had to be deleted because so many posters were queuing up to say that it was pathetic to be upset about a miscarriage at five weeks, but in this one it's unacceptable to say that it's maybe a teensy bit overdramatic to be upset by not getting pregnant the first month you try.

LuluJakey1 · 12/04/2017 23:10

I don't think the OP has been offensive. She is saying she knows she is being a bit unreasonable but is also saying she is worried and a bit scared. She is entitled to express those feelings in her situation. She understands they could be seen as an over reaction. I do think people take things very personally on here sometimes when nothing is intended.
We all have things we worry about. If you worry, being told you are silly or ridiculous doesn't make it go away. Someone else having a bigger worry doesn't make your better - perhaps it should but it doesn't.

notangelinajolie · 12/04/2017 23:10

We didn't plan for any of our 3 and have never used contraception. So on the scale of fertility we were probably on the low side. I always wanted a large family so was just happy to let nature decide. We never gave it a thought really - maybe not worrying too much helped. There was a 6 year gap between 2 & 3. Some people just take longer than others.

MsJuniper · 12/04/2017 23:11

Three years; six mc so far and no DC2.

Ironically I took a year to conceive DS but all my mc pregnancies have been conceived within 3 months.

abcBears · 12/04/2017 23:11

Lisa it's the same sort of things, isn't it? Both wrong.

If you really want a baby and are trying, how long until you are allowed to be upset? How many months of failed hope until you are allowed to give a shit? Please tell us.