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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how often everyone has nookie each week on average?

80 replies

MinesaProsecco · 12/04/2017 14:04

I work, have two kids, one dog, housework, meals....AIBU to want pyjama evenings rather than constant pressure from my lovely boyfriend to go to bed at 8.30 leaving the kids downstairs? Once a week is enough for me....he says I should be happy that he fancies and wants me but blimey...not every night!!! Or am I not normal? 🙄

OP posts:
TheLegendOfBeans · 12/04/2017 14:39

I think be might be jealous that I don't put him first all the time

He knew you had all these demands when you got with him, you've been together two years and he's like this?

Sounds like a dickhead baby-man to me.

CognitiveIllusion · 12/04/2017 14:39

Every night? That would drive me insane!

Butterymuffin · 12/04/2017 14:40

Tell him he can take the dogs out for you for a start, then.

What about planning date nights for when your DC are with their dad? Or would he still moan?

sailorcherries · 12/04/2017 14:40

We used to be 4ish times a week on average.
Now I'm heavily pregnant and sore, once a week and occasionally twice.

Pallisers · 12/04/2017 14:40

God, I think my teens would be in therapy or on anti-nausea medication if I disappeared with their dad upstairs at 8.30 every evening. They'd probably leave home if I did it with a boyfriend.

SteppingOnToes · 12/04/2017 14:43

3 horses, work 50+ hours a week including nights, DSC 5/14, doing my masters degree - still manage 3-4 times a week but sometimes every day. We don't watch telly though ;)

MycatsaPirate · 12/04/2017 14:49

Urgh! I would not be happy leaving my dc downstairs to go and have sex with dp. That's just a bit weird.

He either accepts that family constraints and a heavy workload means sex is sometimes less than he wants or he fucks off.

HerOtherHalf · 12/04/2017 14:51

He is lovely

He pressurises you for sex and tries to guilt trip you or otherwise coerce you when you say no. Sorry, he is not lovely.

You don't say if you live together but I will assume so as you say this is a nightly thing. When you got together he knew you had two kids, a dog and all the associated responsibilities. If he was a lovely man he would be working with you to take care of those responsibilities together as a team. He sounds like he either doesn't get that or sees you as primarily there to empty his sack and your kids and dog are just inconvenient baggage that you should deal with, as long as it doesn't get in the way of his needs and wants.

MegMez · 12/04/2017 14:53

I'd tell him to go in a sock and leave me to watch Broadchurch in peace.
How are you supposed to keep up with high quality 9pm TV dramas if he's dragging you to bed at 8:30?!
That's my getting-stuff-done time after my (much younger) kids are in bed. Ironing, working on the laptop etc.
If he's resenting the time and energy you spend on your children and dogs then he needs to grow up a bit himself.

Ellapaella · 12/04/2017 15:02

Is it just me that thinks your teenagers will be mortified if you disappear upstairs to have sex while they are still awake? It will be fairly obvious to them why you are going upstairs.. as a mother of a teenager I would not be doing this - sex is discreet and if it happens earlier in the evening it's when he's gone out and is not at home.
Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish twat.

Ellapaella · 12/04/2017 15:03

I see it is not just me. Thank god.

KoalaDownUnder · 12/04/2017 15:07

It is definitely not just you, Ella!

Ugh.

Darla21 · 12/04/2017 15:07

Eurgh he sounds disgusting, pestering you every evening to go up to your bedroom?! Your children must be revolted, he's not even their Dad so they would probably find it even more mortifying. He doesn't sound "lovely" at all! Sad

Wells20 · 12/04/2017 15:11

Ick. Every night when your children are not even asleep?

I'd not cope with that.

We are about once a month. But I have had major issues since a traumatic birth and am currently under psychosexual counselling for PTSD. Once a month is too much for me tbh and I'd prefer never.

Teddy6767 · 12/04/2017 15:14

My partner and I have been together 1 year (don't have kids) and we probably do it between 2-4 times per week (we don't live together and don't see each other every day). I could imagine if we had kids and we're both exhausted then it would drop down to once a week though.
Your partner needs to get a grip, you're still having sex fairly regularly and he should respect the fact that you're tired and lead a busy life. Sounds like he's maybe a bit insecure so having lots of sex with you probably makes him feel more secure. Not fair on you though

Reow · 12/04/2017 15:17
Biscuit
Happybunny19 · 12/04/2017 15:19

We do it every day, have 3 young DCs and have been together forever, but i wouldn't go upstairs before they're in bed. Also we're both happy to do it that much, so no pressure.

Original poster
MinesaProsecco · 12/04/2017 15:23

He is insecure. He worries about other men looking at me when we are out. Talking about it on here has woken me up to the fact that I am probably not as happy as I thought. 8.30pm is so we can watch the 9pm programmes. Most of the time the kids aren't in, but I am not keen if they are downstairs but be doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. He is older than me too. Time for me to lay my cards on the table with him I think......

OP posts:
DimpleDumpling · 12/04/2017 15:26

I don't see what's so bad about having sex when the teenagers are awake? I totally agree that every night is somewhat of a ridiculous expectation, and pressuring anyone is not on at all, but if she wants to on occasion and the kids are awake why not? I presume nobody is going to scream the house down in ott orgasmic pleasure so I really don't understand what the issue with that aspect is

TheLegendOfBeans · 12/04/2017 15:26

With respect, why are you with him? Is this emotional labour what you need on top of such a busy life?

oversimplifies massively

Original poster
MinesaProsecco · 12/04/2017 15:28

Also I am 24/7 on duty as their Dad moved away after I fell out of love with him (nobody else) and we got divorced and he is finding looking after a new baby easier than teenagers. Maybe I overcompensate for his absence...but the kids take 100% priority over my boyfriend.

OP posts:
MackerelOfFact · 12/04/2017 15:28

Your teens will 100% know what you are up to if you have an 'early night' together at 8.30pm every evening. It's just a bit disrespectful IMO.

Also 'you should be happy I fancy you' is not an acceptable response to someone who doesn't want sex!

He sounds like a bit of a twat. Sorry.

Original poster
MinesaProsecco · 12/04/2017 15:30

It's just the sex thing that gets me down..oh and the insecurity.... I'll talk to him. If he is lovely like I think he is in many other ways, then he will compromise and support my feelings.

OP posts:
Original poster
MinesaProsecco · 12/04/2017 15:32

I think I just try and please everyone without thinking about me.... #normalwomanafterallmaybe

OP posts:
Smeaton · 12/04/2017 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.