Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think NHS IVF rules are unfair?

454 replies

kathkim · 11/04/2017 12:56

So I have adenomyosis and endometriosis. It's looking increasingly likely I will need IVF. Why can't I get it on the NHS just because my partner has a child with someone else? It's me who needs the help. How much would it cost privately? Sad

OP posts:
Pigface1 · 13/04/2017 14:58

That seems terribly unfair to me. Especially when you consider all the crap the NHS does fund (boob jobs because women claim to be 'depressed' from having small tits; free prescriptions for everyone over 60...)

katronfon · 13/04/2017 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicmij · 13/04/2017 15:50

Go to Scotland to live if you are under 40 you can have 3 goes. Personally I feel fertility is like a lot of other conditions, and it is bad luck. Children are not a "right to have" just some folk have conditions or disabilities to live with.

Sprogletsmuvva · 13/04/2017 18:36

Finally, adoption is open to everyone. It's not just the infertile who could make it their first stop when wanting to create a baby.

This. You never hear couples in real life* say, "Well, we don't think we have any fertility issues, we just thought we'd adopt rather than try for our own bio children."
Yes, it's not uncommon for parents to adopt (for various reasons) after hatching their own. But the point is this wasn't a total substitute for having bio kids.

*The only time I've heard of it was in an episode of NCIS: the character and his wife were generally altruistic nice guys types.

Nannplum666 · 13/04/2017 18:44

We had the chance for 1 cycle with our local area. I suffer with PCOS and only have one ovary so we made the decision not to go ahead as the chances of falling pregnant were less than 20%.
I had a hard time with it over the years with friends falling pregnant easily but mentally couldn't have took the IVF failing.
After a couple of years of thought and some amazing adult only holidays to far away places we decided to adopt. It took just over a year but we now have 2 sibling under the age of 3 (was both under 2 when they came home) and we love them with all our hearts.

TheFirstMrsDV · 13/04/2017 19:43

sprog I hid someone on FB who kept banging on about adoption as a alternative to having birth children.
Not for everyone, only for those of us selfish to have 'too many' children.

I could never work out why she thought only those with more than one child had a responsibility to 'rescue' children from care.

GrassIsJewelled · 13/04/2017 23:43

The rules over IVF are very unfair. It needs an overhaul, especially the postcode lottery

katronfon · 14/04/2017 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 14/04/2017 11:34

Apologies if this has already been posted - I haven't RTFT

You can apply as a single person OP, though would have to use donor sperm I guess. The NHS is not allowed to discriminate by not offering IVF to single women or same sex couples.

It rarely applies, because people need to have evidence of infertility. Fairly obviously single women wanting IVF do so because they need sperm, not because they are infertile. The NHS wouldn't cover as not a medical issue.

Good Luck Flowers

user1492175898 · 14/04/2017 14:43

I know women in their 60s and 70s get help with HRT and lubricants to help with their sex lives. The menopause is a natural thing not an illness. The NHS is expected to sustain a lot of stuff that just doesn't make sense.

user0000000001 · 14/04/2017 14:58

Of course if you're pregnant or have had a child you/they should receive treatment on the NHS

Sorry, why??

Having children is entirely preventable due to contraception and/or abortion. They are, as people keep saying, not a right

So, why do NHS services exist at all?

Because we need the next generation to look after the aging one is one retort.

Ok... so let's fund 1 child for everyone (to replace themselves), no matter whether conceiving that child requires IVF (up to a max of 3 attempts) and after that everyone pays, i.e. you have a second child, you pay for your own maternity care, no child benefit, nothing. The savings fund the IVF

user0000000001 · 14/04/2017 14:59

why do NHS maternity services exist at all?

user0000000001 · 14/04/2017 15:01

Oh, and by the way just to counter a PP poster...

I, as far as I'm aware, have no fertility issues.

I chose to adopt (twice) without trying for biological children

I still think people have the right to try to have children.

CHJR · 14/04/2017 19:34

The actual cost of one cycle of IVF to the NHS has been confirmed many times by NHS officials as between £500 and £800 (varies because what's actually done varies; is low because IVF doesn't require overnight in hospital). Most infertility treatment, of course, starts with drugs like clomiphene, which costs pennies per month.

Adoption is not a panacea because it is for all practical intents and purposes virtually impossible in the UK -- and I speak as one who has children from both IVF and adoption. There are very few healthy babies available for adoption, and overseas adoption is effectively made illegal by Home Office barriers to passports. And by the way, your adopting in this country will cost far more to the public purse than IVF owing to the need to involve social services at endless length.

I do think we need to have a public debate about what the NHS and the state should and shouldn't be funding. Some points to raise: cost, effectiveness, years of life benefitted, whether the problem is a result of a medical disorder, whether it is self-inflicted, whether it is cosmetic. On all those grounds IVF for infertility would of course be covered, as I'm sure even those of you who like to say "children are a lifestyle choice" would agree they're not on a par with a nose job.

But I look at my family lately and realise it's no wonder the NHS is in trouble. Here's our picture: three children, two by (privately funded) IVF, one adopted. One of the two biological children has significant SN and requires extra school funding and specialist medicine. One of the children last year broke her arm playing and cost the NHS surgery, an overnight in hospital, four casts over six months, and weekly checks at the clinic including x-rays for all of those six months. (Which, trust me, cost a LOT more than IVF, or delivery.) We also have a 98-year-old great-aunt who broke her hip two months ago, is according to the doctors themselves never going to leave hospital alive, is begging to be allowed to go home to die, but for lack of an Advance Directive or any children is going to remain in hospital as long as it takes her to die, with antibiotics for two rounds of pneumonia and kidney infection so far.

Did I hear someone use that nasty Daily Torygraph term, "bed-blocker"? Then get this: I also have a MIL with dementia. She's currently back in hospital, despite having no other medical issues, because her DH has been arrested for elder abuse for slapping her when he couldn't get her to believe their house was where she lived: social services tell us it could be months before a care home bed becomes available, and meantime the hospital has to house her.

Since I am the main carer for ALL of these people, I am now receiving anti-depressants and counselling through the NHS. Part of the reason I feel so dreadful is that I look around me and see so many people so much worse off both financially and medically, yet we're the ones who seem to be slowly bankrupting the NHS.

Honestly, I think the IVF is the least of our problems. But on the bright side, I haven't cost the NHS birth control for YEARS. Grin

pizzagal · 15/04/2017 19:53

OP, that is awful and I really feel for you. Flowers I do think that the NHS prioritise the wrong things. The main ones being boob jobs and free prescriptions. IVF should be seen as more important.

katronfon · 16/04/2017 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeanaPiana · 16/04/2017 12:28

But we do get free prescriptions? Not everyone but a lot of people do

JacquesHammer · 16/04/2017 12:42

The main ones being boob jobs and free prescriptions. IVF should be seen as more important

What? You mean the boob jobs that are a breast reduction? Or the boob jobs that are reconstruction post mastectomy?

Or what free prescriptions would you get rid of? Contraception?

katronfon · 16/04/2017 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotReallyMeToday · 16/04/2017 17:57

Apparently people on benefits who are struggling to afford food should also be charged for things like insulin in order to make sure IVF can be funded.

witsender · 16/04/2017 18:35

Not everyone else has to pay. I now need thyroxin, and as a result I now get free prescriptions. Even if thyroxin isn't on the script.

katronfon · 16/04/2017 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grandmasterglitch · 18/04/2017 10:48

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I was told the chemo would cause ovarian failure and offered a chance to freeze my eggs before treatment began. This was offered by the NHS for free but if I ever want to use those eggs I will need to pay for the whole process. I already have a DS so I feel this is sensible.

I have recently been seen by a NHS cosmetic surgeon as my lumpectomy has left my breasts different sizes. They don't have the money to help me out.... but if I was sad about having smalls boobs then I could get a boob job for free!

I'd rather have my breasts back to normal than be given a free shot at a second child, but I'd also rather have my life saved (chemo and lumpectomy) for free than have my boobs and 2nd baby done for free, or even at all.

Its such a difficult call re: free IVF. In your situation, no it doesn't seem fair. But the NHS offers a one size fits all solution for problems that need to be individually assessed so they will never be seen as being fair. As PP's have said, at least you can go abroad for cheaper treatment.

Grandmasterglitch · 18/04/2017 10:51

Oh also I get free prescriptions - I have an exemption certificate as the drugs I have needed to take for the last year would've cost me thousands and I was too ill to work so couldn't have afforded them (tbh, couldn't have afforded them while working too!).
I have on going health problems as a result of my treatment - minor things but I do take (free) tablets for them and will for the rest of my life. I'm not willing to give that up so you can have IVF for free, although I know that if it was the other way round I'd probably feel differently!

katronfon · 18/04/2017 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread