Why do people start threads + then get arsey + insist everything is okay when they get advice?

[numbersgame]

People get defensive and don't want to hear honest opinions about their loved ones basically. They think they do when they post their ranty thread then regret it.

Because it's not the answer they want. Some people just want others to agree with them, rather than taking on board advice and opinions.

It seems that some people just want to moan about how unfair their situation is and for people to go 'there there, I know, how awful' but not actually make any changes that would remove them from the awful unfair situation that they are in.

Some responses are very harsh as though relationships are black and white; calls for op to leave, etc. Some responses seem to take the opposite view regardless and some people just project their own experiences and get hysterical if anyone dares to contradict. I guess that's why

People who ask questions do need to accept that not liking the answer doesn't mean it isn't true.

And people like this always seem to end in management .

Because the advise and "opinions" online are very different then if you were to gain the same face to face. People can be extremely rude online as it's anonymous, even people who wouldn't be so rude if you were talking to them face to face.

Don't get me wrong, an honest opinion is an honest opinion and sometimes constructive advice and opinions are just what someone needs sometimes. But unfortunately some just put it out there without a thought, make assumptions about a persons life/family/partner, without really giving it a thought that that the person they are saying it to is a human on the other end of the screen who is probably getting defensive because that's a natural response when people are being plain nasty and bitchy online.

Sometimes because they get defensive in the face of an unvarnished, less soft focus view of the issue they are seeking input on. Change is hard. And can be scary. Smearing vaseline on the lens and getting shirty with the people wiping it off is a classic mode of avoiding change. They wanted a vent, and got a sharp forcus image of their life instead. Which makes them backtrack at warp speed nine.

Sometimes because they wanted a vent about a pretty normal life hiccup and some posters are determined to reframe said life hiccup as a life Earthquake + Tsunami. Then run away with a few posted details to create their own imaginatively embellished context to place them in, all while insisting they know the OP (Raging Disaster !) of a life better than the OP does. OP gets v. frustrated and attempts to bring the details back into a rather more "connected to my actual reality" context than the one the doomsdayers are promoting.

And some other scenarios that fall between the two probably.

Because often posters extrapolate wildly when replying to the OP and the OP gets accused of all sorts of things that may not be based on reality. Because the OP usually hasn't explained all the details so posters are forming opinions while knowing virtually nothing about the complexity of the situations.

What Hecate said, totally.

Because people take as an indirect criticism of them? They outline truely appalling behaviour but then the inference is that they're at fault for allowing it to happen in the first place.

This is the same if they talk about their partner or children. When they've outlined the issue the question is invariably 'so what are you going to do about it' inferring they have some control over the situation when what they wanted was just someone to say 'yes that's awful poor you'.

And people like this always seem to end in management

Ha!