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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that unless you are going to quarantine your child for a fortnight before spots appear then going to a 'chickenpox party' is irresponsible

59 replies

ridingsixwhitehorses · 10/04/2017 22:29

I mean, you might want your kid to get it but I don't really want mine to. So if you take your kids to play in a pox house specifically to get it then you should tell people you've done this while waiting for their spots to appear given they are infectious prior to them appearing, and not just send them to nursery as normal.

OP posts:
sticklebrix · 10/04/2017 22:30

YANBU.

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 10/04/2017 22:32

I think it's two days they are contagious for before spots appear. People can't quarantine their children though. What about siblings that have been in contact? Or children that have been in school with a contagious child?

NennyNooNoo · 10/04/2017 22:34

Do chickenpox parties actually exist or is it just a MN rumour? I've never heard of one in RL.

Amockingjayhey · 10/04/2017 22:38

"people can't quarantine their kids though"

I disagree! If you have purposefully exposed your child to chickenpox you absolutely should quarantine them. As OP says SHE doesn't want her kids to get it. I would be extremely angry if i found out someone had done this and then let my kid play with them

Well actually i wouldn't because DC has had the vaccine - OP if you dont want your DC getting CP you could have them vaccinated?

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 10/04/2017 22:56

YANBU. Twattish as the anti vaxxers.

gemsparkle84 · 10/04/2017 23:01

Someone invited me to their house yesterday so my one year old could catch chicken pox from their three year old. I declined. There is actually a sign up in her nursery saying they've had a confirmed case- if she picks it up she picks it up but I'm not taking her to deliberately try to get her to catch it. Sorry but I think that's ridiculous- some kids get a really bad dose- obviously most of the time is ts relatively mild but I'd never forgive myself if she was really poorly with it!

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 10/04/2017 23:10

I probably didn't explain myself well enough. I have just had this happen. I don't want my 4 year old to get chicken pox but she was at a birthday party with the older sibling of a child who was at home with chicken pox. Older sibling has never had it but with a potential 21 day incubation mum can't possibly be expected to keep her at home just in case can she?

I don't agree with pox parties and think they are ridiculous.

Andanothermakestwo · 10/04/2017 23:13

I can kind of see the reasoning behind them. Most children get it as some point. Better to schedule it that have it appear 24hrs before a holiday or Christmas.

But my friends child was horribly ill with it and ended up with cellulitis . I wouldn't risk it

gemsparkle84 · 10/04/2017 23:17

Oh I see, yeh in that case it's just the luck of the draw I'm afraid Smile if that was me (and I've still been sending my 1 year old to nursery with a confirmed case of chicken pox- the affected kid is obviously off atm) I would just keep my fingers crossed but that's just life Smile

Original poster
ridingsixwhitehorses · 11/04/2017 06:19

I am fine with them catching it by chance. But not deliberately. Some kids get horribly ill. My friend was doing this (not a cp party but a couple play date) and seemed surprised when I said that if she did this I didn't want a play date until her kids' pox was over.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 11/04/2017 06:23

It's only infectious two days before the spots appear - the problem is knowing when that is. The incubation period isn't an exact science. Anywhere from 7-21 days I think it can be.

I don't think it's unreasonable to be cautious around a child you know might be due to start coming down with it if you've no urgent need to be around them.

splendide · 11/04/2017 06:28

I am fine with them catching it by chance. But not deliberately. Some kids get horribly ill

I don't really understand this - they're just as likely to get horribly ill having caught it by chance. I can't see a distinction between the two scenarios - you need to vaccinate if you're worried about them getting horribly ill.

TheClaws · 11/04/2017 06:38

Also, OP, I suppose you're fine with your children maybe having shingles later in life. That's no walk in the park either Hmm

Sleepinghooty · 11/04/2017 06:39

What should we do with siblings who have been exposed? Keep them home for 21 days just in case? I see you point but almost impossible to stop exposure

bittorrent123 · 11/04/2017 06:45

Isn't the vaccination only effective until they are an adult? I looked into this as I wanted mine vaccinated.

I was told unless they bring the vaccine in by the time my kids are adults - they could catch it off their kids and get really ill?

I'd like to know as I'd rather get them vaccinated.

newmumwithquestions · 11/04/2017 06:46

When DD1 caught it I knew there was a very high chance that DD2 would too. We had about 12 days inbetween DD2 no longer being contagious and DD1 coming down with it.

It's a hard call as I knew there was a very high chance that DD2 was incubating it but I wasn't willing to keep DD2 in (especially as we'd just been housebound with DD1). I did however warn anyone who we had play dates or close contact with.

bittorrent123 · 11/04/2017 06:47

Sorry missed point of post.

You wouldn't keep them off school every time they were exposed I suppose but I'd probably warn for voluntary play dates.

morningrunner · 11/04/2017 07:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustMumNowNotMe · 11/04/2017 07:01

What should we do with siblings who have been exposed? Keep them home for 21 days just in case? I see you point but almost impossible to stop exposure

Precisely this!

I do understand that a very small percentage of children with chicken pox become really poorly, but the vast majority really don't. I genuinely don't get worked up about it, if the kids get it they get it.

Dd1 had it at 4, was miserable for a couple of days but right as rain in no time. I was 21 when I got them, made me feel absolutely dreadful and took ages to go. My GP friend reckons the earlier you get it the better in terms of how poorly you feel. Little kids tend to bounce back a lot quicker.

So whilst I don't advocate the parties, I also don't think quarantining potentially exposed people for 2 weeks at a time is realistic or necessary at all.

exLtEveDallas · 11/04/2017 07:05

I don't really understand this - they're just as likely to get horribly ill having caught it by chance.

If they get it by chance and are seriously ill with it then it's a shitty lottery that they've 'won'

If they get it deliberately and are seriously ill - then it's your fault they are ill.

Who in their right mind would risk purposely making their child seriously ill?

Amockingjayhey · 11/04/2017 07:34

The vaccination doesn't stop in adulthood
You can get a booster though if you would like.

TheClaws · 11/04/2017 08:04

JustMum I understand it's difficult to keep kids home for such a long period when you know they've been exposed. I simply think with the amount of immuno-compromised people out there you are potentially putting at risk - I am one of them - it is the kindest option. An illness like that becomes complex and risky for such a person. They certainly don't "bounce back".

JustMumNowNotMe · 11/04/2017 08:10

I too am compromised a lot of the time- I have IBD and take lots of steroids and other drugs which leave me very susceptible to illness and infection- I still maintain what I have said. You cannot quarantine kids just in case. Where do you draw the line? Is it just chicken pox, or is it other illness too? Maybe just keep them inside altogether?

splendide · 11/04/2017 08:11

If they get it deliberately and are seriously ill - then it's your fault they are ill.

But it's so common that isn't it your fault either way - by not vaccinating you are pretty much accepting they will catch it at some point. If you've made the decision that they're going to get it I don't understand why you're suddenly a terrible parent for seeking to control the timing.

scaevola · 11/04/2017 08:15

If someone has been in touch with someone with chicken pox (whether knowingly or unknowingly) then their is no formal requirement to quarantine.

But if someone chooses to quarantine, then it needs to be for the full 21 days.

So YABU - two weeks is a useless quarantine period for a 3 weeks incubation period disease.