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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Snubbed by older mums

70 replies

kks · 09/03/2007 11:05

Ok so i went to a mother and baby group this morning without my friend. I had never been to this one before. I got there, took babes coat off and sat on the mat with some other people and was brave enough to ask them how old theres were and asked names etc. Its like they would answer my question then turn round and carry on chit chatting to their friends. Anyways, some of them said they were gonna meet up afters and i took someones advice off here and asked them if it would be ok if me and my baby come along. They just looked at me and said that it was kinda an older mums thing and i was a bit young. I don't know what they were emplying, i am in my early twentys, they must have thought i was stupid or something.

OP posts:

GameGirly · 09/03/2007 11:06

You don't need friends like those, KKS, believe me. Cliquey. Well done for being so brave as to try, though.

clumsymum · 09/03/2007 11:08

That seems very mean. Maybe you should have been thick skinned, smiled brightly and said "Oh I don'tmind, I'm very mature you know".

If it's any consolation, I am an older mum (was 38 when ds was born) and I had - still have- the same trouble in reverse. I also frequently get reffered to as ds's grandma.

ScummyMummy · 09/03/2007 11:08

How horrible of them, kks. Are there nicer groups in the area you can go to instead?

Original poster

kks · 09/03/2007 11:10

Yeah, the one i go to on Mondays with my friend is ok.

OP posts:

Frizbe · 09/03/2007 11:10

well done for trying, sounds like you don't need them as friends tho, I'd try a different group if I were you.

joash · 09/03/2007 11:11

kks - leave them to get on with it, spiteful cows. I have exactly the same thing but in reverse (i'm the older 'mum' they're mostly younger). Everyone ignores me - although to be honest, there have been comments in the past thats to do with me size rather than my age.
GameGirly is right - you dont need friends like those.

rowan1971 · 09/03/2007 11:11

They sound pretty rude to me. Don't think you're being unreasonable. If there was a genuiune reason why you couldn't have come to that meet-up, it would have been more friendly if they had offered to meet you some other time.

I'm an older mum (mid-30s) but I sometimes struggle with mother-and-baby groups. Always seem to be full of great gaggles of women who've known each other for yonks.

joash · 09/03/2007 11:11

my not me

Original poster

kks · 09/03/2007 11:12

I have older friends thats the thing. I regualy go to dinner with them and they have grown up children who are older then me. Plus my partner is twice my age so i know how to have a grown up conversation.

OP posts:

kittylette · 09/03/2007 11:12

i get this too,

at the park yesterday - a few mums there and i tried to be chatty but they were just answering me then looking bored

they were older (im only 22) and i think this is the reason,

but i dont really feel comfatable talking to mums my age because theyre always really immature and talk about stuff i know noting about 'bars, popular music' ect

and they dont seem to look after theyre kids in the way i do, god that must sound dead snobby, but they just dont - theyre mostly tracksuit toddlers mums, and i just dont seem to get on with them

Original poster

kks · 09/03/2007 11:14

That is exactly like me. I struggle to fit in with my own age group

OP posts:

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/03/2007 11:14

i find being 23 causes problems in all depts.
being listened to by dostors/hosptal
dirty looks on the bus/bank/postoffice
everywhere really.

we went to toddler group once, i couldnt stand a third time.i got one word answers then ignored.

hippmummy · 09/03/2007 11:14

kks - just read your other thread so am and for you - must have taken real guts for you to have asked them considering how shy you are.
Please don't let it put you off trying to make friends. This is all about them and nothing to do with you x

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/03/2007 11:16

kitty- the same as me! lol
they dont appear to have the interest in their kids that i do in mine.

bigcar · 09/03/2007 11:16

Its not about grown up conversation kks its about them being snobby. Stuff em, im an older mum, id talk to you. Whats age got to do with it.

BandofMothers · 09/03/2007 11:17

Both kks and joash. for you. I guess I've been lucky and the older and younger mum's in the group I go to are lovely. I'm sort of in the middle (30 soon).
Joash, what's size got to do with it. Wish people could just judge people on what they're like, not what they look like!!

edam · 09/03/2007 11:17

Mother and baby groups are notorious for being tricky so don't worry, am sure it isn't you! Find another one with more polite people. I used to be nervous about one of the groups I went to if I couldn't see anyone I knew, and I'm probably ancient by your standards (late 30s).

I'd certainly talk to anyone at an M&B group but would probably think it's easier to chat to someone a bit older than early 20s - just because they'd probably be bored speaking to an old fart like me. Even though my youngest sister is a mum and only 23.

kittylette · 09/03/2007 11:18

i was actully walking through the park yesterday and an old couple were pushing a pram (grandparents i guess) and i smiled at them and as i walked past the lady said 'oh dear, two babies at that age, those poor children'

i really dont understnad it becasue most kids round here are a state! dirty clothes, face, running about unsupervised at 4, no shoes ect

and my babies are immaculate, always dressed lovely, clean faces, brushed hair, lovely clean buggy - toddler always has his rucksac reins on - not running wildly near the road - i always look presentable (or try!!)

but people still look at us funny

joash · 09/03/2007 11:19

ALthough my immediate reaction would be to say find another group, my own experience tels me different. I had the same thing in a previous toddler group and I stuck it out. Within a few weeks a couple of other 'newbies' started and we becasme good friends - they had similar problems. I'm still in touch with them both now even though I moved 350+ miles away. So stick it out for a while, if you feel up to it, sod 'em, enjoy the tie with your little one and let them get on with their sad lives.

joash · 09/03/2007 11:21

BandofMothers - One or two people that I eventually made some sort of breakthrough with (not at toddler groups though) have since admitted that they didn't want to be seen being friends with the 'fat lass' ... very school yard stuff - which just goes to show that some people never grow up.

joash · 09/03/2007 11:22

that should have said 'time with your little one' not tie

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/03/2007 11:22

thats bad kitty!
i get snubbed everywhere, even here.
lol

kittylette · 09/03/2007 11:22

omg joash you being serious??

and we wonder why theres so many bullies in school?? no wonder when parents have attitudes like that

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/03/2007 11:23

well joash, i hope you are not friends with them now?

Original poster

kks · 09/03/2007 11:23

no edam you aint ancient! My mans in his 40s, hes so interesting to talk to.

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