Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snubbed by older mums

70 replies

kks · 09/03/2007 11:05

Ok so i went to a mother and baby group this morning without my friend. I had never been to this one before. I got there, took babes coat off and sat on the mat with some other people and was brave enough to ask them how old theres were and asked names etc. Its like they would answer my question then turn round and carry on chit chatting to their friends. Anyways, some of them said they were gonna meet up afters and i took someones advice off here and asked them if it would be ok if me and my baby come along. They just looked at me and said that it was kinda an older mums thing and i was a bit young. I don't know what they were emplying, i am in my early twentys, they must have thought i was stupid or something.

OP posts:
joash · 09/03/2007 11:24

totally serious - however, I am extremely thick skinned and really do not give a 'toss' its their problem. Makes me so angry though when someone who finds it so difficult to make the first approach, such as kks, is snubbed so obviously grrrr

BandofMothers · 09/03/2007 11:25

Kittylette
Poor you. That's so unfair.
I must say I see young mum's with 2/3 yr olds and think "That baby can't be hers", but that's more cos they look REALLY young, ie not more than 15. But would never assume they weren't good parents. What a horrible thing to say when she must've known you'd hear her.

You'll have to be superior, at least YOU know you're a good mum. Mydd1 is usually immaculate when we leave the house, but within 5 minutes her wild hair looks like a haystack again. SIGH

CAM · 09/03/2007 11:25

I've had at both ends of the scale, given that I had my 2 daughters at the ages of 16 and 40

My guess is that to the older mums you young ladies probably look about 15! I know I find it very hard to guess people's ages. Not that that's an excuse.

I too had much older friends first time around, I was always very sensible for my age when young!

fryalot · 09/03/2007 11:26

My auntie was in her forties before she had her kids and she always used to say that at toddler groups, school, cubs, etc. she was the same "age" as the other mums, because they were all at the same stage in their kids development.

She said that having contempories ten, sometimes twenty years younger than her kept her young.

They don't know what they're missing by snubbing a youngster!

CAM · 09/03/2007 11:26

xposted with you kittylette

kittylette · 09/03/2007 11:28

well i actully gave birth to DS1 when id just turned 20, but now at 22 i cant buy a bottle of wine without ID,

so i think i must look alot younger, i think most people would guess i had DS1 at 15/16 not 20

my MIL had her 1st at 13, 2nd at 15, 3rd at 17 and 4th at 19!!!

so imagine the look she got!!

Original poster
kks · 09/03/2007 11:28

Well they don't know how old i am, they could have given me a chance and if they don't like me then they could have just said they weren't meeting up next time

OP posts:
LEMONADEGIRL · 09/03/2007 11:29

Sympathise with you, have had a few problems myself. They sound horrible and you have shown maturity by trying to make conversation it is hard when you are shy.

Nip · 09/03/2007 11:30

kks - something simliar happened to me, i went to the local mother and baby group. walked in looking like a drowned rat since the heavens opened 30 seconds from the door! Got a lovely warm hello from the organiser - who said "oh come in and say hi" - so i stood there, a woman came over, was polite then went and sat down with the others, a young girl came over who was really lovely we got chatting, she then asid she would be moving away in a week and then had to go and attend to her DS.

I went to walk over to the mums sat down and they turned their backs on me. I decided there an then that i wouldnt bother going back.

I have had a frosty reception from most of the mums in my stuck up village and to be honest it really upset me to start with, but now i couldnt care less. I have other friends not too far away, and when its time for DS to start at the local school i'll make an effort to get on with these ladies - but right now, i dont see the point - they dont want to know me because i'm younger!

Saying that i'm a wee bit jealous that you at least have one mother and baby group that you do enjoy!

Original poster
kks · 09/03/2007 11:30

my god kittylette, thats a lot of kids for 19. She must be going crazy

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 09/03/2007 11:32

Kittylette. your mil. WOW.
I will talk to anyone, don't care if they're fat/thin, young/old. We're all in the same boat are'nt we. Why can't people be nice. You can never have too many friends.

kimi · 09/03/2007 11:33

KKS mother and baby groups are just an excuse for a bitching session, with everyon being more PC the the next person.
Don't let it upset you

Original poster
kks · 09/03/2007 11:39

You see thats why i thought in my other thread that i didn't get the whole "mums world" cause i thought they were all like that. But being on here talking to you guys is very different and at least now i know not everyone is snooty and mean

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 09/03/2007 11:42

Iused to find this but i did have dd1 when i was 17 now im older and a childminder and dd2 is 18mths i'm loving M&T I feel i missed out on taking dd1 because of this attitude, i could have had better support, maybe someone may have noticed i'd got pnd if i was at M&T instead of being stuck in, in my dressing gown watching trisha at 18 with no money and nowhere to go and no friends my own age because they were all at work or college! I needed help so much more back then, I could have made more "mum" friends instead of being so isolated.

Please don't let this put you off, keep trying and ignore the spiteful cows!

gscrym · 09/03/2007 11:42

I never went to mother and baby groups. I was a bit scared of the 'my baby's so advanced because..' mums.

They sound shocking. Just stick to the group with your friend. Sounds better.

kittylette · 09/03/2007 11:47

whereabouts are you?

maybe theres a mumsnetter close by??

Original poster
kks · 09/03/2007 11:49

bournemouth

OP posts:
Original poster
kks · 09/03/2007 11:52

Anyway i feel better now cause i went in to get my baby and she gave me the biggest smile and started to wave her arms and legs about in excitment

OP posts:
CAM · 09/03/2007 11:53

kks look in meetups, there's a bournemouth/poole group

kittylette · 09/03/2007 11:57

nowhere near me sorry

Original poster
kks · 09/03/2007 11:59

thanks. i just posted in it

OP posts:
Socci · 09/03/2007 12:00

Message withdrawn

Majorca · 09/03/2007 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Majorca · 09/03/2007 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strongteabag · 09/03/2007 20:06

Maybe the older Mums are a little shy too, or just don't know how to behave. Just because they are older, it does not mean they are wiser, really they should know better and be more open and friendly. I do hope you can rise above it.

I am young too (actually I am 27, is that young?!) but I get asked for ID and am told I look very young for my age. I have had my fair share of comments and knockbacks but if you keep trying you will find your own group of friends that know you and respect you. This is what i have found anyway.