Snubbed by older mums

[kks]

Ok so i went to a mother and baby group this morning without my friend. I had never been to this one before. I got there, took babes coat off and sat on the mat with some other people and was brave enough to ask them how old theres were and asked names etc. Its like they would answer my question then turn round and carry on chit chatting to their friends. Anyways, some of them said they were gonna meet up afters and i took someones advice off here and asked them if it would be ok if me and my baby come along. They just looked at me and said that it was kinda an older mums thing and i was a bit young. I don't know what they were emplying, i am in my early twentys, they must have thought i was stupid or something.

How rude of them! My god, how did you keep your temper?

Cows - can you imagine the bitches they must have been at school!

IME - some toddler groups are like that - very cliquey etc - whereas some are lovely and welcoming.

Ditch the group and find somewhere better and nicer - and this is from an older mum (imminently 40!)

where are you kks?

Are you sure it is an age thing?

Perhaps the women at the M&T group are established friends and didn't mean to snub you but were wrapped up in their own little world?

I've generally found that you need to attend the same M&T group at least half a dozen times before people start to 'recognise' and talk to you freely

Thank God I don't have to go to them now (now my youngest is at Pre-School)

Cheeky mares. They are probably just jealous of your youthfulness kks. They might have been going out on the pull, and knew they wouldn't stand a chance with you around

Don't let them bother you.

Ah now, I had the opposite experience at my ante-natal classes. The average age was 19. I was 30. We moved to a different town just before ds was born. I was rather relieved actually. At our playgroup, the mums range in age from 18 to 40-odd. Much better. Cliques of course, meaning groups of like-minded individuals, but no-one is shunned.

Ermmm myturn it's a bit of a myth that we older mums (I'm 38) are jealous of twenty somethings...I'm very happy in my own skin thank you very much!

HMC - I'm 37, so an older mum meself... happy in my own skin although do wish it was a few years fresher lol. Don't take offence - was a joke.

I didn't go to M & B groups either as I didn't think of it at the time and the first M & T group was cliquey like that. It took me ages to get up the courage to go to another one which was absolutely fabby although my DM took my DD most of the time. She went there until the summer before she started in nursery when sadly the organisers sold it.

lol, I wasn't taking offence. It was 'mock' indignation

Hehe... mock indignation I can deal with!

all these experiences are just plain meanness

guess you get horrid people in all things -- even mummyhood

don't let them get you down ... theyrs the ones missing out -- on getting to know YOU

go forth and be utterly fabulous ladies!!!

its horrible when things like this happen, I have been to a few M&T groups where I have sat there and nobody has spoken to me at all and I will talk to anyone. I would try another group and give it a few goes

I have had it both ways as well I had 4 children by the time I was 27 and looked quite a lot younger and now have two little ones at 40,

I have to say the people at the one I go to now here in france are lovely even though they dont speak a word of english and my french is rubbish

Firstly, well done for asking to be included. That takes some doing and if they were rude enough to turn you down, their loss.

I think people can just be rude and ignorant, and using the age thing would just have been an excuse to keep their clique the way it is. I was a young mum with DD1 (24 when she was born) and an older mum with DD2 (33 when she was born) and I definitely felt worse around other mothers first time around. I can remember feeling very conspicuous at ante natal group, as though I was a schoolgirl, and made a conscious effort to wear my wedding ring to every hospital appointment to try to protect myself against the kinds of looks I felt I was getting. It didn't help that I only looked about 16, though! Ignore them, rude bitches, and don't bother with that group - stick to the one you like better and put a big, black line through 'miserable bitch-mothers-with-babies' group.

KKS well I'm an older mother (42 now) and I certaily wouldn't disregard anyone because they are not the same age as me.
M&T groups can be grim. I have been to about half a dozen different ones before settling on the ones we now do regularly - and the people in them are... OK. But it took a while. I can now have amiable enough conversations with other mums (and I'm usually the oldest by miles...) as long as I remember to self-edit a lot - but some I visited once and fled from in horror.
If you live somewhere that doesn't have very many groups, try taking your LO to every park or open space around as it's not too difficult to get chatting to other mums around the seesaw or slide.

Dd2 has become bosom pals with a girl whose mother is young enough to be my daughter. Her partner is even younger! I get on fine with both. I can't believe how rude and miserable those mothers were. I would have been happy to join you for coffee kks. I also have friends much older than me; had lunch with friend of 77 the other day and believe me I have a way to go before I catch her up.

Don't let it put you off proposing to meet up with other mothers you come across. They can't all be as boring as those two.

sorry kks have not read whole thread so apologises if I repeat other members advise.
We are all mums with young children so have something in common. Whether your a teenage mum or an older mum doesn't matter. I consider myself a young mum but dh just reminded me that I'm only a year off being 30 so a mid age mum. Thanks for that one dh. I was worried about going to toddlers when we moved in Sept 06 new area didn't know anyone. But the leader was great and a lot of the other mothers from dd1's re-school go to the same toddler's. Everyone is really friendly we all move around talking to each other it's lovely. I'd recommend trying another group your sure to find one your both happy at. Don't be dishearten you don't need anyone else's approval - were in the country are you may be another mn member can recommend a good group in your area for you.

Why have you resurrected a 15-year-old thread?