For being very annoyed with MIL

[cailyaclara]

We're staying at PIL's. DS is 7 and really needed the toilet, but MIL was in the shower.

We've taught him that we wee in bushes when we're out walking but if possible, we always use a toilet.

So, as darling MIL was refusing to pop out of the shower for two minutes, we offered him the option of having a crafty wee in the garden.

He had a total meltdown as 'that's not what we do' (slight aspergers) and refused.

Bless him, he tried to hold it in but she then proceeded to take another ten bloody minutes, KNOWING that he needed the loo.

So he had an accident and is now mortified.

She actually had the nerve to tell him off. I'm fuming.

For having the accident

Why did you let her tell him off? It is none of her business.

Exactly! It would have taken her two minutes just to pop a towel around her to enable him to have a wee. She expected him to wee in the garden, I think.

Can't exactly stop someone opening their mouth, Lemon. I firmly told him, in front of her, that it wasn't his fault.

I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect someone to pop out of the shower for two minutes to let someone use the toilet, but if it's the only toilet in the house I would think you'd become accustomed to asking if anyone needs to use it before you go in there.

She shouldn't have told him off, but how do you know she deliberately took extra time in the shower?

YANBU. In a house with one bathroom you ask if anyone needs the loo before hopping in the bath/ shower. How much longer do you have to stay there? I'd lock the bathroom door from the inside and then leave

MIL is being unreasonable.

Also, why couldn't he just use to look for a wee while she was showering?
I assume there's a shower curtain and it's her grandchild, nothing to be ashamed of!

I wouldn't jump out of the shower so my 7yo could have a wee. She's capable of planning ahead (a little!) and waiting a few minutes.

That said, she shouldn't have shouted at him.

It wouldn't have been difficult to ask if anyone needed the loo before getting the shower.

My nieces and nephews are notorious though for saying they don't need the loo then as soon as someone goes in the shower they need say they need it.

If your DS was asked if he needed the loo first, then I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to get out halfway through.

Does your DS have a diagnosis of Asperger's? If so I think that is different because your MIL should be sensitive to that if he has difficulty adapting to change in routine.

Accidents happen sometimes if kids are told to wait but I don't think your MIL should have told him off for it.

I can see both sides TBH.

He'd only just woken up (he's not been well), so at that sleepy stage where holding wee in isn't quite as easy.

She knew as he knocked on the door to ask her. She got out of the bath/shower to open the door so that she could tell him no.

She had a towel around her at that stage, so could have easily let him pop in.

So she then knew he was desperate, but proceeded with her leisurely shower.

Yes, he has a diagnosis but she doesn't seem to understand it at all. I actually think that she's doesn't want to understand it, if I'm being honest.

If anyone told my DC off for having a toilet accident I would explain in strong terms to them how unhelpful that is - associating toilet accidents with being naughty teaches all sorts of bad things about body shame that undermine self-esteem, and really sets back the process of learning how to manage your own natural bodily functions. It also violates the important principle that telling a child off for something they didn't do on purpose and can't necessarily control is very unfair and will just lead to them ignoring you (along the lines of "I can't possibly live up to those expectations so why bother").

Given the update I agree that MIL was being unreasonable.

Given that she opened the door, that seems pretty mean of her.

I think YABU. She might have been in middle of washing her hair or shaving her legs. Or using the loo while shower was running. I wouldn't leave the bathroom mid-shower so a child could wee, nor would I want them in the bathroom with me! 10mins isn't very long.

Could he not wee in a bottle/tub and you empty it outside?

She was vvv u as she had already got out of the shower

Telling him off for an accident that SHE could have helped avoid but chose not to? I reckon I'd be packing. Hope DS feels better soon.

That was really mean of her, I would have been annoyed.

i hope you have a stern word with her about how awful shouting at a child who has wet themselves is. Honestly its the type of thing kids can remember for the rest of their lives. He didnt do it on purpose ffs.

She was more than unreasonable, given your update she was downright cruel.
And how dare she tell him off when he had an accident, I hope you gave her a serious bollockng. Your boy needs you to fight his corner at all times OP.

My DS has ASD so I fully understand why your son couldn't just go in the garden or other receptacle. It's a shame his grandma refuses to understand it too

She told him off?
YADNBU.
I'd have been furious with her.
I might decide not to say anything, but inside I'd be upset and angry.
Poor boy.

She got out of the shower to tell him no!!?? She is BVU. I would be angry too. You or your husband needs to put her right. Maybe speak to DS too (privately) about having a better plan b for next time as toilets aren't always easily available - what would he like to use?