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Original poster

For being very annoyed with MIL

53 replies

cailyaclara · 09/04/2017 09:49

We're staying at PIL's. DS is 7 and really needed the toilet, but MIL was in the shower.

We've taught him that we wee in bushes when we're out walking but if possible, we always use a toilet.

So, as darling MIL was refusing to pop out of the shower for two minutes, we offered him the option of having a crafty wee in the garden.

He had a total meltdown as 'that's not what we do' (slight aspergers) and refused.

Bless him, he tried to hold it in but she then proceeded to take another ten bloody minutes, KNOWING that he needed the loo.

So he had an accident and is now mortified.

She actually had the nerve to tell him off. I'm fuming.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 09/04/2017 10:22

She doesn't sound particularly pleasant- how soon can you come home?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/04/2017 10:26

Wow that is really awful. Can you leave? What does DH say about it all?

GoodDayToYou · 09/04/2017 10:26

Just wondering if MIL might have aspergers too, hence, why she was inflexible about her shower time? (My aspie DP used not to let me in to use the loo - I had to train him into it.)

AliceKlar · 09/04/2017 10:26

YANBU. That's so mean. Refusing to let him into the bathroom for a wee, then telling him off for having an accident. I'd have been furious Angry.

Blueskyrain · 09/04/2017 10:28

Honestly, I'd expect 7 year old to be able to wait a while. It's no different from being on a motorway away from a service station, or in a class where you are expected to wait until a break.

Saying that, given that she popped out in a towel, I think she was mean in not letting him take that opportunity to go.

Givemeallthegin · 09/04/2017 10:30

There is a lesson that needs to be taught here.....

You MIL did the wrong thing putting her wants before her Grandchilds needs and self-esteem.

I am Confused and Angry and Confused again that she could get out of the bloody shower to say no and not let the little nipper get in to the loo.

Even if I had a half-shaved leg, shampoo in my eyes and my arse poking out through a too small towel, it would not occour to me to let one of my kids into the loo.

Leave, just leave. If she cannot be considerate towards her grandson, she does not get the pleasure of his company (or yours) If you let her think this behaviour is acceptable, she will keep doing it. Treat her like a spoiled child and proceed accordingly.

CoraPirbright · 09/04/2017 10:43

Good grief! It takes all of about 10 seconds for a 7 yr old to empty their bladder. Also he's a boy so no endless wiping either! And she really thought it was appropriate to get out, wrap a towel around herself, open the door and tell him no? The mind boggles.....

onalongsabbatical · 09/04/2017 10:53

Givemeallthe gin GrinGrinGrin and great name!

Jaxhog · 09/04/2017 10:54

YANBU. He couldn't help it, so he shouldn't have been told off. Especially not by the person who made it inevitable.

Givemeallthegin · 09/04/2017 10:57

Givemeallthe gin gringringrin and great name!

Thank you - it is semi-autobiographical :)

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 10:57

Dear lord... no. That was downright mean-spirited. She had time enough to get out, open the door, send him away, and have a meltdown that he couldn't go in the garden, but not time enough time to let him just dash in and pee? Literally everyone has been caught out at some point. To then add to that by shouting at him would have tripped my last fuse.

I think you need to have a quiet word with her away from DS and explain that her behaviour was really out of line. We have five sacred things in this house that no one deliberately impedes or screws up for anyone else - health and safety (teeth brushing, car seat belts etc.), needing the toilet, being hungry/thirsty, being allowed to sleep in peace, and being allowed to be ill in peace.

Original poster
cailyaclara · 09/04/2017 11:23

I've had a talk with MIL about what she did/said and how I feel that she effectively caused the situation.

She actually apologised, which is a world first.

She's of that breed that think that things like Aspergers 'never happened in our day'.
Her son (DH) has admitted recently that he thinks he has traits and her other two sons are clearly on the spectrum. One is so bad that he can barely hold social conversations and has to have a set routine.

There's no way that DS would wee in a tub or outside. It just doesn't compute in his head and leads to a huge meltdown.

OP posts:
GoodDayToYou · 09/04/2017 11:42

Well done, OP! Sounds like you've handled it really well.

So, what about a special bottle for emergency weeing? (How would he give a sample to a doctor or deal with a plumbing problem or a lengthy traffic jam?) I would start talking about this plan b thing generally - sow some seeds in his mind - it's a process of normalising it.

ohfourfoxache · 09/04/2017 14:06

You've handled this brilliantly. Hopefully she will improve now that she's been forced to apologise

NavyandWhite · 09/04/2017 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceKlar · 09/04/2017 22:02

Well done for challenging her about it. So glad she apologised.

frogsgoladidahdidah · 09/04/2017 22:06

Slight aspergers????

Crumbs1 · 09/04/2017 22:47

I'm wondering why he couldn't pop in and wee whilst she was in the shower? It might be good to train him to pee in a tub or the garden if he can't manage to wait.

gammaraystar · 09/04/2017 22:49

Fair enough for actual diagnosed people... but so sick of everyone saying "oh, I am a bit asperges" or whatever. You can't just self-diagnose yourself in order to make excuses for twatish behaviour.

Original poster
cailyaclara · 09/04/2017 23:05

Completely agree with people self-diagnosing Aspergers. That's drives me mad.

We stayed. There's too many other things going on for us not too, so hopefully this whole thing will make MIL think more.

Taken on the idea of discussing a PlanB with DS and he's decided he likes the idea of a bottle that he can close the lid on. Doesn't like the idea of it not being contained.

I've had lots of gin, so life is great!

Really didn't need a full-on meltdown and then washing at stupid o'clock this morning.

OP posts:
Thinkingblonde · 09/04/2017 23:16

She could have let him use the toilet ffs, she'd already got out of the shower to open the door to tell him no.
I don't lock the bathroom door when I'm in there, my grandson has often laid on my bed, watching telly, chatting to me as I do my ablutions, if he needs to use the loo he can use it, there's a shower screen, he can't see through it. No drama.

Thinkingblonde · 09/04/2017 23:17

He's 6 btw.

Thinkingblonde · 09/04/2017 23:22

I think Boots sell lidded urinal bottles.

kierenthecommunity · 09/04/2017 23:30

Ordinarily I'd say a seven year old could hold it in but if he has Aspergers I don't know if that makes him less able? Either way as she'd got out of the shower it was a bit mean not to let him in, especially seeing as she's had three boys herself and it'd be no massive shock to her

Glad she's apologised though. Smile I don't recall there being Aspergers in 'my day' either but there were definitely children who struggled at school that thankfully would be helped now

TyneTeas · 09/04/2017 23:34

You'll get a good range of lidded bottles for him to choose from for camping

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