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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask how you feel about your menfolk's sexist tattoos?

97 replies

Felixvoluptua · 08/04/2017 21:46

I saw my SIL in shorts today and he has a tattoo on his calf of a woman with her knickers round her ankles. It's not explicit in any way, but it did make me wonder how my daughter feels about it, and how both of them will discuss it with future kids of either sex. I haven't asked my daughter, because she's struggling with depression at the moment, and in any case, it's none of my business: they seem to get on very well, and are very happy together. But I did wonder how other women feel about it.

OP posts:

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 09/04/2017 07:50

My grandad (born 1917) had a naked woman on his arm. My Nan made him have a swimming costume tattooed on her.

In regards the pants-down tattoo, I think that is awful. And I do think it's different to a artful naked lady, or a pin-up. I can't imagine any way in which someone could make a pants-down tattoo look artful.

OliviaStabler · 09/04/2017 07:51

I wouldn't date anyone with a tattoo. I really don't like them.

skerrywind · 09/04/2017 07:55

olivia- I am the same.
Everyone I have dated/married/lived with all have the same view of tattoos as I do- that they look ludicrous.

floraeasy · 09/04/2017 08:00

Did he have the tattoo when they met? In which case, she was accepting of it once.

Or did he get the tattoo later?

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 08:09

I like tattoos that are well done however this tattoo sounds awful and he could easily have it amended.the fact he hasn't and wanders around with it on display says it all for me.

skerrywind · 09/04/2017 08:16

It's not the tattoo per se that is the issue, it's the fact that some man would ever think that this is appropriate.

dylsmimi · 09/04/2017 08:26

I think we need to find out what the SIL thinks about it before everyone starts calling him a misogynist and blaming him for his DPs depression. It may have been a drunken mistake or turned out not as planned (not sure how you can mis plan knickers round ankles but still). He was in his own house on a hot day so I think it's reasonable to expect him to wear shorts!

CaoNiMartacus · 09/04/2017 08:45

I know a guy who has a scantily clad Japanese school girl tattooed on his side. Blerghh. I always wonder what his wife thinks about it. She isn't Japanese...

Original poster

Felixvoluptua · 09/04/2017 09:18

Sorry for posting and running. Thanks to all of you who have suggested I talk to my daughter and support her with the depression. I do, you'll be pleased to hear. It's an ongoing thing with her since her teens and she's early 30's now, so it's not down to SILs tattoo.

OP posts:

KingsCross88 · 09/04/2017 10:09

What's the style of the tattoo? Is it sleazy and porny, or is it a cheeky Bettie Page style pin-up girl? That would make a difference to me. I know women with tattoos in the latter style.

crazycatgal · 09/04/2017 10:17

People saying the tattoo could have been a mistake or he could have got it done years ago and now changed, if this is true why has he not had it covered up?

JacquesHammer · 09/04/2017 10:22

I wouldn't date anyone with a tattoo. I really don't like them

This always makes me hoot. How do you know before you date them if they have non-visible tattoos?

Tannyfastic · 09/04/2017 10:23

Women objectifying other women in body art.
I think it's so ubiquitous that it is just the norm, we don't question it.
Possible attempt to fit in/be accepted by the lads. Like women who visit strip clubs. Giving men permission to act a certain way, 'I'm one of you'.

I think the way that we are viewed in society, tattooing bare breasted posey women on our own bodies is problematic.
Adding to the tsunami of womens' flesh...everywhere.

Batghee · 09/04/2017 10:25

we should all be glad they have advertised their misogynistic personality clearly on their body so we can avoid them!

MelinaMercury · 09/04/2017 10:37

What is he like as a person Felix?

Do you have reason to think that he's a misogynist or is he generally alright and maybe made a piss poor choice when he was younger?

Not all tattoos can be covered or removed easily and it's not cheap either so maybe these have been prohibitive. Judge on character not on a bit of ill thought out ink.

ToastyFingers · 09/04/2017 10:40

A-ha, I'm an obvious misoginist then, as I love my booby mermaid.

Possible attempt to fit in/be accepted by the lads. Like women who visit strip clubs. Giving men permission to act a certain way, 'I'm one of you'.

That's not the case, thanks. My love of body art, and breasts too, I suppose, has nothing to do with men.

MelinaMercury · 09/04/2017 10:41

Sorry, that wasn't necessarily aimed at you there Felix. Went off an a tangent there with all the posts dismissing tattoos in general rather than sticking to your posts

TheScottishPlay · 09/04/2017 10:44

This is a person who endured considerable discomfort to have a woman in submission depicted on himself.
Grim.

MelinaMercury · 09/04/2017 10:50

There's a big difference in a pin up style tattoo to something graphic.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 09/04/2017 10:51

Wouldn't be an issue as I really can't abide tattoos so would never date somebody that had them.

Obviously doesn't bother your daughter or she wouldn't be with him in the first place.

Original poster

Felixvoluptua · 09/04/2017 11:03

He's a nice bloke, and dd seems happy with him. I was really surprised by the tattoo as it seems quite unlike him. I don't know when he had it done, and I don't plan to ask because it really isn't any of my business.

OP posts:

TasLondon · 09/04/2017 14:29

OP, you say that it's none of your business, but it kind of is. He's married to your DD, may turn out to be the father of your DGC and appears to have made a lifelong public (sort of) statement that objectifying women is OK. Without making a big deal of it, could you say something like, "that's an interesting tattoo, what made you decide to have that design?" and work out what kind of man he is by his answer?

TiredCluelessMummy · 09/04/2017 14:39

It is worrying that a man could be such an unapologetic misogynist that he would be prepared to have evidence of it permanently etched into his skin. If it was a stupid mistake in his youth and he's now a lovely person then one would think he would be so ashamed of it that he would get it lasered off or ensure it was covered.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/04/2017 15:16

There is nothing wrong with having tattoos but that does not mean all tattoos are equally good. This one sounds awful.

FerdinandsRevenge · 09/04/2017 15:31

I saw a man with his little girl at a splash park. He had some nasty porny tattoo on his leg. I approvate you don't want to be at a splashpark in jeans but it was very inappropriate and if he'd been sat there reading a magazine with that on the cover I'd have called the police

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