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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask how you feel about your menfolk's sexist tattoos?

97 replies

Felixvoluptua · 08/04/2017 21:46

I saw my SIL in shorts today and he has a tattoo on his calf of a woman with her knickers round her ankles. It's not explicit in any way, but it did make me wonder how my daughter feels about it, and how both of them will discuss it with future kids of either sex. I haven't asked my daughter, because she's struggling with depression at the moment, and in any case, it's none of my business: they seem to get on very well, and are very happy together. But I did wonder how other women feel about it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/04/2017 23:56

Zilp depression is a serious mental health issue, therefore I'm struggling to see how an episode of depression, could be brought on suddenly by her husband's tattoo, that presumably she knew he had when she chose to marry him (the OP hasn't said he's recently had it done).

Also, the OP doesn't give the guy's age, therefore it's possible he had it done on a whim aged 18 and is now in his 40s.

If that was the case (and obviously we don't know it is) it doesn't necessarily make him 'an out and proud misogynist' today.

ZilphasHatpin · 09/04/2017 00:03

Zilp depression is a serious mental health issue,

Hmm no shit! I'm familiar with depression, thanks.

I'm struggling to see how an episode of depression, could be brought on suddenly by her husband's tattoo,

Not brought on by the tattoo, brought on by living with a misogynist. Obviously.

Destinysdaughter · 09/04/2017 00:07

There's loads of men with sexist/obscene tattoos on Tattoo Fixers, usually done when the man was young/pissed/on holiday. Seems to be a bravado thing and they seem pretty sheepish about it now. Shame they didn't think it through at the time!

HelenaGWells · 09/04/2017 00:42

I would see it as the badge of an asshole as well. It would be a deal breaker for me tbh. Even if they regret it now the mindset behind it I can't get behind.

AuroraBora · 09/04/2017 00:52

I second a watch of Tattoo Fixers to see the shit people have tattooed on them when they are drunk/young. Rest assured the majority of the people on that show haven't put much thought into nor paid a lot of money towards their crap tattoo. So I can well believe some blokes get sexist tattoos done at 18 when very drunk and regret it later.

There are men who have just gone too far though, like the bloke with an image of a woman's spread legs tattooed on his belly with the belly button in just the right position Shock now that's a relationship deal breaker! 😂

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/04/2017 00:52

Also agree with with other Pp. Have you actually discussed it with you daughter?

The OP says (in her OP) that she hasn't raised it with her daughter. Because she's struggling with depression.

The link is obvious, surely.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2017 00:56

But it's not obvious though is it Zilph?

I mean not from the tiny bit the OP told us before she buggered off.

There are shit tons of people who desperately regret their tattoos, often done on a whim or a drunken night out.

And once they've grown up into proper adulthood, they often find that tattoo doesn't represent their grown up self at all.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2017 00:58

And yes, tattoo fixers is a great example of both men and women who desperately regret the shit they put on their skin, either when they were much younger, or off their face on booze.

Hamiltoes · 09/04/2017 01:05

People get tattoos of things they like a lot, and think they will continue to like a lot in the futures

Oh god, I have a tattoo of a naked woman Blush I'm a woman, I'm straight but I think womens bodies are beautiful. I have lots of other random things I find beautiful also, my favourite bird and a treasured necklace etc. It's not misogynistic if I'm a woman is it? Confused

icebearforpresident · 09/04/2017 01:10

My FIL has one on his forearm of a naked woman posing. He has more than one tattoo but this is the only one like that. By all accounts it was done drunkingly by mate when he was about 19 (in his 60s now) and it never occured to him to get it covered/removed.

What makes it worse,i think anyway,is that he has the names of his siblings tattoo'd just below it. The name of his sister is first as she's the eldest,so it kinda looks like it's her IYSWIM. Worse still my SIL is named after FIL's sister...

It's not just the actual tattoo thats the problem,it's so badly done.

I know my mother in law hates all the tattoos but especially that one. She begged my DH not to get one (rugby tattoo) and cried when my SIL got one.

UnbornMortificado · 09/04/2017 01:20

My bio-dad has a pin-up tattoo, he's ex-navy. I've never give it much thought.

BloomingDaffodil · 09/04/2017 01:25

I quite like a tattoo of a tastefully done boobs out lady. Boobies are sexy and great to look at whoever you are! Older generation men tend to have them - but some younger women even have them - Amy Winehouse for example. I don't think they are sexist at all

However the pants round the ankles thing - that is horrifying - it is a massive no no - nothing sexy about that, seems a bit rapey if anything

I bet the SIL had it when he was young and regrets that now

Asmoto · 09/04/2017 01:32

I don't know anyone with sexist tattoos, though I've seen them on strangers. I wouldn't be thrilled at my husband getting any kind of tattoo as I don't think they're attractive (I wouldn't actually stop him if he wanted to, though).

Some sexist tattoos are worse than others in my view. If it's a pin-up type image, it's naff but not a huge deal. If it's one of those images of a woman being tortured with tears on her cheeks, I'd run a mile from the man in question.

kali110 · 09/04/2017 01:36

I love the pin up style ones.

WanderingTrolley1 · 09/04/2017 01:38

Tattoos are awful, regardless of sex or design.

Rawr · 09/04/2017 01:41

Tattoos are awful, regardless of sex or design.

Why?

Tobolsk · 09/04/2017 01:48

I happen to like pin up tattoos especially the WWII bomber nose art type

BenadrylCucumberpatch · 09/04/2017 02:31

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Sample1936 · 09/04/2017 03:24

I think it's objectifying and disgusting.
I am not a fan of tattooes featuring nudity at all.

KateDaniels2 · 09/04/2017 06:19

It would really depend on what he thought of his tattoo.

I have just had a cover up tat. Took me 6 years to pick something out. The one that was there was an ill thought out decision (not offensive just didnt like it) and wanted to make sure i liked what covered it.

I can honestly say i havent seen a sexist tattoo on any man i know. And i know loads with tattoos.

OnionKnight · 09/04/2017 06:35

I have a pinup girl tattoo based on the WW2 bomber art style, it's very tasteful but if you look closely you can just about see her lower backside.

Nobody has never said anything negative about it.

OnionKnight · 09/04/2017 06:36

And by just about I mean that her bum isn't out, it's where the two legs join to form part of the lower backside.

catsarenice · 09/04/2017 06:45

My grandad (born 1917) had a naked woman on his arm. My Nan made him have a swimming costume tattooed on her. Glad she wouldn't accept it - even in the 1930s!!

SoulAccount · 09/04/2017 07:37

LOL at Nan getting the swimming costume tattooed on.

OP: I would keep close to your dd. Take her out on her own, just be there for her.

It may be that he had it fine years ago in. Drunken spree , it may be that he made a choice to have an image of a woman with her pants round her ankles as an adult.

I would be mortified by a display like that on my partners leg, and disturbed that he had chosen such a thing. I can fully see how an image that says 'my body tells you what I think women are for' could be part of a long term emotional abuse scenario that has contributed to depression.

And could you ask? Just say 'I didn't know SIL had a tattoo' in a non judgemental tone?

skerrywind · 09/04/2017 07:43

All tattoos are ugly.
I have never had a relationship with a man who had a tattoo. None of my friends have a tattoo. I must move in strange circles.