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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that having loud sex in the middle of the day with the patio door wide open isn't appropriate!

94 replies

TwinMummy30 · 08/04/2017 17:32

My neighbours are driving me crazy. She whines like a dying cat! Every single time. Sometimes 2 times a day. Today I was left speechless. Midday, I'm hanging the washing , my 3 kids are playing outside and then I heard her screaming "oh yeah, oh god!" Really??? It's a terraced house, their patio door wide open in fact all their windows were and they didn't even bother to shut them. I don't want to spoil things and speak to them but for god's sake don't be so loud. They are in their mid forties. Don't know what to do. That's it really, just had to get it out.

OP posts:

frumpet · 08/04/2017 19:39

What you need to do is work out when the last time he was out and she was in , then shout loudly from your garden ' Inside children they are at it again , hope it isn't the man from tuesday , they went on for hours !'

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 08/04/2017 19:39

My neighbour calls her husband 'big boy' during sex and it takes me every tiny bit of restraint not to call him that when I see him in the morning.

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 08/04/2017 19:40

If they will have loud sex when their own children are at home I doubt they will care about other people's children.

ZilphasHatpin · 08/04/2017 19:41

then I heard her screaming "oh yeah, oh god!"

Shout back "oh NO! Oh jehovah/allah/deity of choice"

Topuptheglass · 08/04/2017 19:50

Do people really shout "oh yea, oh God!" during sex?

I must be doing it wrong...

Megatherium · 08/04/2017 19:51

Ring the bell every time and say you could hear sounds of distress or possibly illness, are they OK?

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 08/04/2017 19:53

Do people really shout "oh yea, oh God!" during sex?

It seems that some people also do it twice a day rather than twice a year. How do they have the energy?

Megatherium · 08/04/2017 19:53

Play loud music like the final movement of Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture - the bit with the cannons. Ideally time it so that the cannons are going off as they climax.

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 08/04/2017 19:54

Or get the kids to play knock down ginger on their door when they start.

FerdinandsRevenge · 08/04/2017 19:59

My garden touches three other's neighbours gardens. All of them have more than two kids and the noise is horrendous. Everyday after 3:30 is like being in the middle of a school playground which is horrific when trying to work from home. It's not 'normal background noise' when kids are screaming at each other and arguing while trampolining.

Yes 8 children in a garden of three houses is most definitely normal noise as is children arguing.

Why move next to children if you expect them to be silent? Adults are socialised to know what's acceptable and fucking for kids to hear is not

BenLinusatemyhomework · 08/04/2017 19:59

Record them one day and then play it back to them when they are mid session.

You know how bad it is to hear your own voice on tap? Imagining hearing your own sex noises back -yuck!

FerdinandsRevenge · 08/04/2017 20:02

Get your husband to ring the bell and say "Hi I'm Gord I heard you shouting for me, how can I help?"

MiaowTheCat · 08/04/2017 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kingscrossnoodle · 08/04/2017 20:06

Do people really shout "oh yea, oh God!" during sex?. Not shout exactly but I do make appreciative noises which may or may not include the aforementioned words

Original poster

TwinMummy30 · 08/04/2017 20:20

We aren't the loud type of people and neither are my children. I had my other side neighbour complimenting how quiet my children are. They do play in the garden but don't scream.
They "welcomed " us on our first night in the house and we were mortified but thought it was a one off. Some weekends they will set their alarm for 6 am just to have sex and then go to sleep. I know they don't work on the weekends.
It does sound like she's faking it as I don't think a normal person enjoying sex will moan/scream/make weird noises for an hour 🤔.

OP posts:

ddssdd · 08/04/2017 20:29

Next time you see her, ask her if she's trying for a baby. If she looks bemused, a "oh, sorry, I just assumed because of all the naughtiness I can hear" should suffice. Failing that, ask her if you could borrow the CD she was listening to, if she asked which one, say "De La Orgy".

user1491678180 · 08/04/2017 20:32

IMO, people who have loud sex are trying to prove something...

'Ooooooh look at the amazing, wonderful, hot sex we're having' Oooooh, ahhh, yes yes yes. Loads of bollocks.

It often means they have sod all to their relationship imo.

I usually find women with younger boyfriends boast about their sex life and have loud sex. Like I said, it's like they're trying to prove something, or trying to convince everyone they have a fantastic relationship.

I knew a woman once who was 40, and had a boyfriend of 24, and all she talked about was how amazing their sex life was. They had naff-all in common, he never spoke to her friends, he hated her family, he would go 2-3 days without speaking to her when they had a row, he spent 5 nights a week in the pub, and she drove him everywhere because he couldn't drive. The relationship was shockingly bad, but heyyy the sex was good yawn...

SpreadYourHappiness · 08/04/2017 21:43

user1491678180 Or, you know, they're actually enjoying themselves. I'm not a loud person during sex particularly, but there's nothing worse than trying to stifle yourself just because others have shit sex lives and feel bad about it, therefore proclaiming anyone who loudly enjoys sex has to be faking it.

Pettywoman · 08/04/2017 22:22

Afternoon Delight would be my chosen song to play in your situation. It's a cringy, grim song perfect for twatty, exhibitionist sex people who think it's clever and cool to shag loudly.

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 08/04/2017 22:33

Some weekends they will set their alarm for 6 am just to have sex and then go to sleep.

Do you hear the alarm as well? Can you hear them through closed windows?
Why would someone wake up at six for a shag, unless they have to take advantage of his morning glory.....

user1491678180 · 08/04/2017 22:50

Afternoon Delight would be my chosen song to play in your situation. It's a cringy, grim song perfect for twatty, exhibitionist sex people who think it's clever and cool to shag loudly.

Exactly pettywoman, it's pathetic. And even more pathetic are people who assume that people who don't make lots of noise, and dislike people who do, must have shit sex lives and feel bad about it! PMSL what a load of garbage!

I re-iterate, people who are loud, noisy exhibitionists are trying to prove something. Oh look at how much we shag and look how loud we are. Utterly pathetic.

And as for leaving the patio doors open when they know people are outside, particularly CHILDREN, is 50 shades of weird. I think they need counselling to try and understand why they need everyone else to know they are shagging.

Some people think the more they shag, and the louder they are, the better the relationship must be. Wrong. You just look like an attention seeking twat who is trying to prove how amazing your relationship is and how great your sex life is. Losers. People with good relationships and who have good sex, don't need to scream at the top of their voice to make sure everyone knows they're shagging.

Original poster

TwinMummy30 · 08/04/2017 23:17

I do unfortunately. They set up some cockerel tune. Our bedrooms share the wall which is cardboard thin.
I need to find a way to make them realise that it's not right. The twins are 9 and they will start asking questions about the noise. It's been on and on for nearly 4 years now.

OP posts:

kali110 · 08/04/2017 23:32

Why move next to children if you expect them to be silent
what?
What if they were there before the kids?? That's ridiculous!

They shouldn'thave to have their wibdows closed (today was boiling) however if they know they're that loud they may have too!

steff13 · 09/04/2017 04:47

Not shout exactly but I do make appreciative noises which may or may not include the aforementioned words.

Same.

People with good relationships and who have good sex, don't need to scream at the top of their voice to make sure everyone knows they're shagging.

Some people are just naturally loud. I'm loud-ish. I'm certainly not thinking about it at the time, and no one can ever hear me but my husband.

Iris65 · 09/04/2017 05:16

no one can ever hear me but my husband as far as you know 😉

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