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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Granny gifts

78 replies

Morgan2017 · 07/04/2017 16:58

Hello everyone. Now that I've sat down to write this i feel more and more like a greedy diva. So, im almost 5months pregnant and thinking of making a good dent to the shopping list. This pregnancy was totally unplanned and honestly a shock to us and our family as we have been 'rocky' this last year. Anyway we have been together 7yrs so we can work this out. My family were surprised but very supportive and have all piped up with what they would like to gift, my mum has offered to buy our travel system, My sister the cot and aunt moses basket for which im so very grateful though its kinda tradition in the family that we help out with 'bigger items' iknow on top of these, people will pick up little things here and there as we are all close. MIL and the whole family have yet to even break breath to me about the pregnancy. My partner says all are happy yet none have even sent as much as a text. (We havent been meeting since the rocky patch started) so i can rule out that they will help with a bigger item! Its not so much the item whatever it is, i think im annoyed that they haven't even acknowledged me or the baby. It does bother me deep down that my family are spending X amount to help us BOTH yet his own mother who by the way is not short of a spare 3holidays a year cant produce a pack of vests. Iknow its up to me to provide all items as its my responsibility after all but i dont for one min believe she hasnt splashed on her other grandkids. Im at the stage now where i want to get organised and budget accordingly so should i go ahead and agree that the partners family wont be assisting?? Is it even worth mentioning to partner or is it something thats completely unreasonable to expect? I never ever dreamed of asking for expensive things, i more so had in my mind that they would just offer Blush
Id be over the moon at a few towels or grow bags. I guess the old granny gifts are a thing of the past X

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 07/04/2017 21:42

Interestingly, my post appeared just under the OP on his page and the second half of that post is very much concerned with the financial side of the pregnancy.

Perhaps MiL blames you for the split and is afraid that it could happen again. Perhaps she doesn't say anything because she feels angry, but doesn't want to alienate her son by falling out with you.

Who knows! But it does seem to be about the money quite a bit.

CheeseQueen · 08/04/2017 12:12

What Worra said.
I'm really not getting the correlation between them affording lots of holidays and not picking up so much as a packet of baby vests?
What on earth has that got to do with anything? Confused

pallasathena · 08/04/2017 12:33

Going by your judgey attitude towards his mother and your greedy sense of entitlement which borders on the hysterical in some of your posts, if I was his mother, I'd be keeping my distance too.
For several reasons:

  1. Don't want to upset son so I will try to maintain a distant but civilised response in an effort to establish a workable status quo
  2. Have concerns the relationship is doomed anyway and don't want to over invest emotionally.
  3. Have an idea that you will use the baby as a weapon to control everyone - seen this happen before
  4. She really doesn't like you because of all of the above.
Solution? I'd start by being nice to his mum. Instead of going off on one because she hasn't coughed up a 500 pounds baby gift voucher, I'd go around there, armed with your latest scan photo and tell her how much you're looking forward to parenthood. Tell her too that grandparents are very, very important in a child's life and that you want her to be involved. Be nice, be kind, its as much a big deal for you as it is for her. And quit with the judgey pants stuff too. Its most unedifying OP.
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