AIBU?
To expect DP home for bedtime?
brettashley · 08/03/2007 20:42
Ok - so the deal is, I work full time and am always at homw to put DS3 (aged 1), and DS's (4 and 6) in bed, story etc., while DP goes to the pub every night and comes home after bed time. It's starting to tee me off and sometimes to be honest, I sit in the car at the end of the road for ten minutes before walking into the house, because much as I love the kids, I would love to have a bit of downtime before coming in. I know this might sound like a whinge and I'm prepared to accept that, but does anyone else have similar issues?
TeeCee · 08/03/2007 20:54
To be fair he helps out in the morning! Oh get the man a medal! No offence, but babes, he's taking the living piss. Start having words and asking him to be there for his kids in the evening, they need him, you need him and he's missing out. He won't get these years back. I don't suggest you have to grab him by the throat and start laying down the law but you need to make changes now. make him see he's missing out on his kids and a lovely, specail time opf the day.
brettashley · 08/03/2007 20:54
I was married before and my eldest two are not his children, but the little one is. When he is around, he is great with all of them, but the pub thing has been going on, well, for ever really. He works in construction and gets a lot of work from the pub, but shouldn't a few times a week be enough?
ComeOVeneer · 08/03/2007 20:57
Tell him tomorrow you want him home to help put the kids to bed, and then afterwards order a take away open a bottle of wine/crack open a few beers and have a serious conversation about this, not an accusing slanging match but piut forward what you are unhappy about and have a civilised adult conversation as to howto overcome the problems.
TeeCee · 08/03/2007 20:57
When he met you and had a child with you he was aware that you already had 2 kids. I get he needs a pint after a day on a construction site, but can't he have 1 then come straight home for 2 nights a week, 2 nights not go to the pub at all and the other night stay as long as he wants, within reason. For example.
Lact8 · 08/03/2007 21:02
I think most of MN thinks you are not being unreasonable ba
The fact that the older ones aren't biologically his shouldn't come into it. He's in a relationship with you, had a baby with you, you all live together, he should be pulling his weight.
I'd also be worried about the messages that he's giving out about what a fathers role is.
What is it with builders and pubs?? Every brickie, plasterer I know class the pub as their 2nd home!
brettashley · 08/03/2007 21:02
TC and COV, you give great advice and are just the talking to that I need - I think it should not be so hard to be part of the family a couple of nights a week (and wouldn't even touch on having one relaxing beer after work) but I wanted a bit of reassurance that I was not being a nutball. (by the by, we had a row this morning about my housekeeping skills, and he is stil not back...)
brettashley · 08/03/2007 21:05
Lact8 - that pub thing is a killer isn't it? He's a plumber (and a good one), but I can't understand why he would rather spend every evening with the toothless mumbles staring into their beer glasses than at home with the four of us, having a giggle over Horrid Henry...
ComeOVeneer · 08/03/2007 21:06
I know how easy it is to let things slip and end up bearing the bulk of the workload at home if you don't speak up when your OH starts taking advantage. It is different now as I am a SAHM so prepared to do most around the house. DH occasionally goes out after work, once a fortnight he goes to play poker and stays at a friend's overnight, but if he isn't at work he is at home to spend time with the kids.
brettashley · 08/03/2007 21:07
Wow, you girls are FAST, and I'm new and can't keep up), but Lact8, yes, apparently it is not enough that I work full time, do all the shopping etc. I am supposed to be Anthea Turner and should not leave a lipstick in the kitchen where he wants to butter toast...God, I'm making it sound like "Sleeping With the Enemy")
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