To correct my toddler's speech (nicely)

[glitterjellybean]

NC for this. I have a dd coming up for 2 years old. She's bright and happy and her vocabulary is coming on in leaps in bounds.

Her df and I see eye to eye on pretty much everything except one thing. Speech.

Bit of background, and as much as I hate labels, dh is very working class (as in he's a total grafter with a common accent) and I'm from an upper middle class family where I was corrected to say the full words and names not abbreviate. If my mum heard me say the word "telly" she'd come back from the dead to tell me off 🙊.

It started off when she was small with my utter refusal to the whole "say taaaaaa!" thing. She now says please and thank you anyway, so it seemed unnecessary for her to learn two ways of saying it.

Now this last week "yes" has turned into "yep" and I keep (gently) saying "no xxx we say yes".

Dh thinks I'm being stuffy but I've never been turned down for a job in my life because I speak (in his words) "posh" and I'd like to give our dc as much of a chance as possible in life.

Dh is constantly getting annoyed because people judge him on his accent and the way he speaks, and we even had an incident in a posh cafe the other week where a patron made a comment loudly about "letting anybody in now". So surely if he's had issues like this he wouldn't want his kids to go through the same.

Lol this is a bit more detailed than I was expecting but as long as I'm doing it kindly and constructively (and not in a way that's demeaning) it's not a bad thing to speak "correctly"?

I think someone taking my children away until they are about 18 sounds like a grand idea, MrsD....perhaps the OP would like them.

I've never been turned down for a job in my life because I speak (in his words) "posh" and I'd like to give our dc as much of a chance as possible in life.

my eyes have rolled out of my head to join worra.

Funnily enough my common accent and I have never had any issues with getting a job.

@FittonTower yes that's exactly the same as me. Even down to the bilingual mum and the northern dad. My dad has no regional accent despite having had one originally. He learnt to drop his accent after not getting very far in his chosen profession, then as soon as he spoke differently he rose through the levels becoming very respected and being able to send my siblings and I to private school, live abroad etc. So yes probably working class "done good". Though my mum's family are very different.

It's really not about poshness and what is being interpreted as my "classism" is actually more my DH's and family observations rather than my own. His mum bought me a mug for Xmas that says Posh Totty on it and freaked out about meeting my dad for he first time. She even bought a hat. We were had having at a Slug and Lettuce! 😂

I grew up with a very strong accent due to my mum's nationality and I was bullied mercilessly for it. Because of this I adapted to a "well spoken" accent, like my dad did and I'm just very conscious of how accents and the way people speak can affect those snap judgements of people. Sadly as much I don't necessarily agree with it, people will make an assumption in the first 6 seconds of meeting a person and it's very hard to change.

I've worked in jobs where there's been face-to-face and telephone contact and seen highly capable and skilled people dropped for speaking in slang and dropping letters etc.

So please don't think I'm some sort of snob, or I think less of people for their upbringings and accents. This is purely based on my own first hand experiences and not wanting my kids to lose out because of the prejudices I've seen. And I certainly won't be letting the guy in the cafe be what I teach my children!!!

*having lunch at the Slug and Lettuce -even 🙈

I dislike bad grammar, and I know we should start teaching it from an early age;but surely it would be better if when your dc says something incorrectly you just gently repeat the phrase using the correct word, rather than pointing out that she is wrong.

From a linguistic first language acquisition POV, it is utterly pointless to correct a child. They do not learn in that way. They learn from modelling, so all you can do is say it the way YOU want it said, e.g.:

Small person: "She didn't like it didn't he?"
Big person: "You're right, she didn't like it. I wonder why?"

If you "correct" them, they don't really hear the correction, just the negative response. They also hear that you're not interested in WHAT they say, just how they say it. Child language acquisition books are full of examples of exactly how pointless (and even damaging) constant "correction" can be. Best to just persevere with modelling, and trust that it will come good. And also maybe embrace the wondrous diversity of accents and dialects these isles contain - nowhere else on Earth has such concentrated variety!

How do I explain that the upbringing that me and dh had was completely different without sounding like an utter tool?

I don't know OP but you've not managed it yet

It was more of a sweeping statement @katronfon that I worded incorrectly. I've done a lot of sales, marketing, front of house work. Particularly as a teenager I was told I had been hired job because I "spoke nicely".

I worked for several years in telephone sales as well (for my sins) and I'd always have "excellent telephone voice and manner" pulled up by my employers in appraisals and often by customers and clients as well. Bit cringe but it paid the bills!

So please don't think I'm some sort of snob

Convince us not to?

I'm a bit confused about this OP. You ask about correcting your toddlers speech but then go into detail about posh and common accents and middle class and working class. Why didn't you just ask about correcting speech?

I'm reading this as if you are worried your DC will have a "common" accent but you've tried to disguise it by asking about correcting speech.

@BitOutOfPractice I am trying though 😁

When we announced our engagement to our families dh's parents took us out for a carvery to celebrate. My dad put a notice in The Times. Tbh I preferred the Toby Carvery...

It's difficult. I personally despise baby talk (mama, dada, din dins, bot bot) sort of thing. But I wouldn't have an issue with my children speaking the way we do.
I'm from east London with a typical east London accent. Dh is from Liverpool with a typical Scouse accent. We live in Liverpool so our son and future children we have will more than likely sound like their dad, which I'm totally fine with.
Our son is 19 months and he says ta for thank you for now. As he gets older he will be taught to say thank you, but again regional variations come in (it's common to say ta for thank you here). But overall I'd like our children to speak the way we do.

By the way, I come from the area of the UK with the least liked accent (the Black Country) and live with my DC iin another area that is considered "common" (Essex) and my DC speak with a really neutral sort of south east accent. I've never really corrected them, but I have modelled as other people have described here

@Lemonnaise I've got a tendency to get a bit defensive and where I've not explained the situation very well it's all gone a bit off the rails 🙈

For what it's worth as long as my dcs are happy and healthy I don't mind really. I just want to be able to give them the tools to have the best start in life. And, in mine and dh's lives, we've had very different experiences when it has come to the way we speak. Accent is a part of that as is the way we speak/grammar etc.

Dh and I tease each other I equal measure (not in front of the children) but it's all very lighthearted!

@RubbishMantra 😂 Dh always says this song reminds him of me. I even went to the university mentioned 🙈

Well, it's a great start in making a child self-conscious and having to think before they say anything.

When children first speak they use the lips and very front of the mouth. Later they begin to make sounds that are produced in a more complex way from further back in the mouth and palate. They are designed to copy and experiment so if you DD is watching a lot of a programme with a character who says "Yep", or has an older sibling who says it that way, she will try it out and if she likes the way it sounds and hears it often enough, might well carry on saying it.

Just model the correct word/pronunciation and leave it right there. Definitely don't say "No, we say......" You may well end up with a child who is is very hesitant to speak out or read aloud further down the line if you blatantly correct her.

i grew up in london and essex-my df tried to correct me dropping h's and t's all the time-for a while it worked-then kids called me posh and laughed so i went back to dropping them

u cant win really so dont try too hard they do what they want anyway in the end

Assuming this is serious, the kid has the chance to grow up speaking both posh and common. Useful skill to have old chap.

My 2 year old southerner says baaath and caaastle. I correct her to the proper northern pronunciation

I don't want to give my dd a complex or a stutter so please don't worry I will be adapting my approach!

@GabsAlot tbh I have on occasion started to speak like a local. My sister (who has lived here for about 20 years longer than me) always reprimands me for speaking like a local/using local slang with adults etc so I'm probably fighting a losing battle 😂

Dh's sil is from the same region as my dad's family and she says dh speaks "dead posh" so it's all relative really 😂😂😂

Sorry. My child can't go to 'a better ofstead rated school' because she says 'yep' and 'telly'?

@Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Got to love the ability to converge your accent at will 👌🏼🙌🏼

@glitteryjellybean I've worked in jobs where there's been face-to-face and telephone contact and seen highly capable and skilled people dropped for speaking in slang and dropping letters etc.

I wonder if this has EVER happened?

In all my years of working (3 decades plus,) I have never known this happen. And I have worked for the BBC, Rolls Royce, Guinness, various councils, and the Government.

Never have I known anyone dropped or sacked because of their accent, or because they drop their 'aitches...'

I smell a rat here...