Am I being an utter bitch?

[Bigblug]

Dp is incredibly creative. I'm incredibly not. He's been working on a play for months, and was finally shown to the public on Tuesday, with great reception and reviews. I told him my opinion (that I thought it was brilliant) but, because I'm not really creatively minded, I don't really know how to express myself further than that. I know he's been swept away with the success of it, but I've felt rather interrogated since, asked a million questions about how I think it went/what i liked ect and I don't really know what to say. I finally snapped, and asked him to stop asking me questions. I liked it, it was good, it worked really well. He's now really hurt and upset because he's so proud of it, but I openly admit I'm just not the right person to talk to about it. Obviously, being his partner, he wants me to be the right person to talk about it with because he cares about my opinion.

I don't understand why OH is so upset, you're not a theatre critic, you thought it was good, that's a compliment, maybe apologise and say you're sorry that you can't go into detail, but you thought it was really good, others have raved about it, you're sorry you don't have more to offer.

Creative souls can be really passionate. It's not your fault.

it's just tough going when it literally doesn't interest me at all

I think this is quite telling. It sounds like what he's done is a big deal, and it sounds like you've given the obligatory lip service. But to be as uninterested as you say for me would be a red flag.

I'd think either you weren't interested in him, or you were jealous of his success or in some way discomfited by it. When your partner does something that's s big deal to them and a big deal in general when their other half says it "literally doesn't interest" them at all I think it indicates something wrong in the relationship.

can you create a character based on him?

bluntness I think there are plenty of relationships where situations arise, where one person isn't actively interested in the other.
For example, if my partner loved football, and I didn't, would I have to watch every game and feign interest in it?
I love my partner, and I'm very supportive both mentally, physically and financially in his work. I'm not jealous, at all. I'm doing my own thing, doing a degree in an area I'm interested in and he couldn't give two hoots about.

Just consider him like parents who go on and on about their latest poo producer

And I obviously haven't said it as blunt as that to him, I'm just venting and talking through it on here. He knows I'm not interested in it, otherwise I would write/direct/act with him, But I wouldn't say 'no I'm not coming to your play babe, I have no interest in it at all' would I? No, I'm supportive. I just don't want to talk about it 24/7

DH asks for endless reassurance all the time it is a fucking pain in the backside in the end I have to tell him to stop too.

TBF the football analogy doesn't work. As he's not just interested in football. He wants to play for united.

I think perhaps OP you need to cut him some slack so near to a performance and in the interim he needs to learn to let projects go into the wild.

It's hard when someone is passionate about something. Is there any chance he could err towards obsessive tendancies? So projects are a really big deal and he strives for perfection.

"Tell you what, I'll write you a review. I need a bit more time to process what I've seen."
1 week later.
"Where's the review?"
"Oh, everyone's said what I wanted to say already."

OP, I think I get it but from the other side. I'm the one who would LOVE a post mortem of something where I think I did well and my OH is the "Yeah, it's good! So what do you want for dinner?" type. I've learned that if I want a post mortem, I need to go find me a pathologist, so I try to carry my craving for picking over every last detail to those better suited to it. I did torture the poor soul for a bit, and his stock response when badgered was, "Well what did you like about it?" (Smart guy - he was getting me to do the talking for him.) After a bit I got used to accepting the short answer. It's always a bit disappointing, but it's just not in his blood to be effusive.

Not sure what my point is except to say that weirdly, I get it, even if it's from the other side of the mirror, and I don't think it makes either you or him a bad person. It's just who each of you are.

OMD I love those conversations! He needs to have those with people who love them too. He can't just expect you to provide hours of analysis.

fairytales Yes, he's very obsessive. It's the only thing he's wanted to do since he was 5 years old. It's caused most of the highs and lows of our relationship. I'm the sole earner in our house because he gets terrible anxiety in a 'normal' job. He can't imagine doing anything else. He will go over scripts dozens of times for them to be right. I read them and make appropriate edits. I basically co-edit films with him.

The idea of a marriage where both people were like the OP's DH is pretty scary.

Opposites attract.

Has he ever been assessed for autistic tendencies? That's something that jumps to mind with him being obsessive and emotionally attached.

I'm sure many would say it's a big thing so he's going to be really into his baby.

I think if he's diagnosed with OCD/Austism/MH Issues, you hopefully will get funding from benefits which should make a difference.

For you OP

m.youtube.com/watch?v=oENQjvY96dM

"Opposites attract"

I agree, I've actually asked my DH if he wishes he was married to someone who worked in and loved his industry. His answer was "fuck no, that would be so boring"

I can't believe someone has suggested MH issues because he's passionate about his work!

Obvs should not be hassling OP for pathologists report though. Is he on Twitter? That's a great way to get all the feedback he needs without leaving the house. I've been on there analysing scripts line by line.

I would say long term, you might possibly need support on how to deal with situations like this. If there's a diagnosis, then relavent charities can give you the tools to deal with things, in a way that won't provoke situations like this.

The only stumbling block would be saying, look I was thinking about our finances, how you can't do a normal job, a friend has suggested that we both go to the Dr's and speak to them to see if further tests can see if you're sat on the autistic spectrum. This isn't a bad thing, some of the most creative people out there had issues like this.

I'm creative, I'm not a huge fan of socialising, so when I worked in offices, constantly needing to interact with others was difficult for me. All my siblings are on the spectrum, so I guess it's likely that I am, for me I have enough going on where a diagnosis wouldn't really impact me.

Luckily DS started out with worrying signs and the obsessions, but he's grown out of it. DD is your typical girl. So it hasn't impacted anything. Kids love having a creative parent. If you have a look at the carpark row thread, I decided to sketch something up real quick, as I know everyone loves a diagram or picture.

If you were thinking about looking into OH further, look at the way I worded how you'd ask him about it. That way it doesn't look like you're accusing him or anything. With a diagnosis you'll have better tools to deal with it.

Good luck

fairy I really don't think the OP's DH has MH problems.

Why is it offensive that MH issues were suggested?

Sorry posted at same time, sorry if I offended anyone.

No you are not being a bitch. He however seems a bit self obsessed

fairy don't worry, his parents have suspected he's on the spectrum since he was little. His mum tried to get a diagnosis but his dad opposed it, and there wasn't really the same information on it 30 years ago as there is now. We all suspect he does, even himself, but he thinks he's too old to get a diagnosis now.

Sorry, I stand corrected