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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that Sainsbury's security staff should have done "something!!!"

129 replies

MrsExpo · 06/04/2017 20:21

I went shopping at our local Sainsbury's. It's a big store with a large car park and I pulled into a space somewhere in the middle of the parking area. As I got my bags out of the car I noticed the window of the next vehicle was slightly open and then - to my horror - the reason was that there was a small child in a child seat in the back of the car!! Child must have been maybe 18 months or so, wide awake but quiet. Mother nowhere to be seen, so presumably in the store shopping. I waited by the car for a few minutes to see if the mother was going to reappear, but she didn't. While I stood wondering what to do, the child began to cry not surprisingly!! I should day I was just standing by my car, not staring in at the child or anything. So, I went into the store and reported it to the store security staff, who essentially said "not our problem" ...!! They refused to put out an announcement (I provided the car make and reg number), wouldn't send someone out to the car park or do anything about this at all.

AIBU to think 1) the mother behaved disgracefully(illegally??) to leave a small child like this and 2) the store security staff should have at least tried to alert the child's parent. I was in two minds about calling the police but really don't know what I should have done tbh .....

OP posts:

FairytalesAreBullshit · 07/04/2017 01:01

I think realistically you shouldn't joke about it, as it has real implications. When something awful happens that a parent could have prevented, then were barred from talking about it. Like that incident in Portugal.

harrypotternerd · 07/04/2017 01:51

Crumbs it happens a lot

www.google.com.au/search?q=child+dies+in+car&rlz=1C1CHZL_enAU685AU685&oq=child+dies+in+car&aqs=chrome..69i57.6909j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Also there is a video on youtube of what happens to a child left in the car. Cars can heat up quite quickly

kali110 · 07/04/2017 02:02

Yes yabu!
It is not the job of security, but customer services!
What exactly are they meant to do?
Not like they have access to the tannoy!
I wouldn't have even thought to go to them in the first place.
I dont understand why you didn't call the police though?
You were worried about the child, quite rightly but why when you got nowhere did you just leave it?

Instasista · 07/04/2017 06:09

Yes harry- all of those incidences are in Australia which is the place I've also heard of it happening (and ither, equally hot countries) has it happened in the U.K.?

No point worrying about something that isn't going to happen is there?

Sparklingbrook · 07/04/2017 06:35

I wondered how long it would take for 'that incident in Portugal' to come up.

Instasista · 07/04/2017 06:42

That incident in Portugal that happens all the time! Personally I sleep next to my children's beds just in case. Because, you know, Portugal

mudddypudddles · 07/04/2017 06:43

It's your constant assumption that it must have been the mother that did it that is is odd. It could have been the father, grandparent, childminder, anyone really.

If the store literally did nothing I would have reported it on the none emergency number myself and sat quietly a short distance from the car until the parent or police arrived. I wouldn't approach the parent myself once they arrived and drove off but would hope the police would trace them and make contact.

bugattiveyron · 07/04/2017 07:20

You should shop at Waitrose, you get a better class of parent there

PollytheDolly · 07/04/2017 07:29

I can't believe some of the reactions on this thread.

Talk about personal axes to grind at any opportunity.

Enough to make OP not bother next time she sees something like that, in case she "offends" someone either in that situation or here.

Sparklingbrook · 07/04/2017 07:33

I wouldn't let anything I read on an MN AIBU thread influence how I would deal with RL situations. I am a grown up so can read other people's opinions and yet still make my own decisions.

Gabilan · 07/04/2017 08:07

According to this factsheet www.childsafetyeurope.org/publications/info/factsheets/children-in-cars.pdf children have died of heatstroke in cars in France, Belgium, the Netherlands and Iceland (the country). I don't think "it doesn't happen in the UK" is really an adequate excuse. We're told not to leave dogs in cars here and whilst yes, their thermal regulation in the heat isn't as efficient as ours, why risk it?

Just do a quick risk-benefit calculation. Benefits of leaving child in car? Shopping is quicker and easier. Risks: child may wake and become distressed. There is a small possibility that it could get heatstroke and whilst you'll think about this in July, it can happen in much cooler temperatures. There is a possibility the car will be stolen. Small but there. Possibility the car will be crashed into. Small but there. Very small chance of the child being abducted.

If you think it's worth it for a quiet shop, well that's up to you. There is a very small risk of something really terrible happening. We accept these kind of risks every day, but in this case, do you really have to?

ProlificPoster · 07/04/2017 08:34

People are taking other posters comments way. To seriously. This is a classic Mumsnet thread where posters are arguing for the sake of it. It's recreational outrage all around. I'm sure it's amusing the OP no end.

Instasista · 07/04/2017 08:37

"We're told not to leave dogs in cars here and whilst yes, their thermal regulation in the heat isn't as efficient as ours, why risk it?"

Not much of a message in April is it? Not leaving dogs in the car tends to be publicised during a heatwave.

Instasista · 07/04/2017 08:40

"If you think it's worth it for a quiet shop, well that's up to you. There is a very small risk of something really terrible happening. We accept these kind of risks every day, but in this case, do you really have to?"

I think you've answered your own question there- people risk asses and decide for themselves

No one is saying it's ok to leave children alone. It's borderline depending on circumstances. However, hyperbole by hysterically claiming they might die of heatstroke, the car might spontaneously combust, or they might be abducted (by Madeline mccanns abductor no less) is ridiculous and makes you look overly dramatic and unable to assess risk.

Oysterbabe · 07/04/2017 08:46

I would have called the police. Why didn't you?

Sunnyjac · 07/04/2017 08:48

Regardless of parental gender, next time call the police. I would

Instasista · 07/04/2017 08:52

Calling the police is a good idea. They will work to reunite parent and baby.

They are unlikely to arrest the parent and give them a good telling off. Which is what the posters suggesting the police actually want.

MistressPage · 07/04/2017 09:18

Lol at the posters who are OFFENDED by the completely normal assumption it was a MOTHER but think it's fine to leave a small child alone in a car. You people really are clueless about infant mental health aren't you. My two year old would be devastated if I fucked off and left him locked alone in a car, even without the other small but obvious risks involved.

Instasista · 07/04/2017 09:18

No one said it's fine to leave a baby in the car

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/04/2017 09:23

They are unlikely to arrest the parent and give them a good telling off. Which is what the posters suggesting the police actually want.

I'm afraid your psychic powers have malfunctioned :(

Instasista · 07/04/2017 09:24

Have they? What are they arresting them for?

FairytalesAreBullshit · 07/04/2017 09:47

A bit tongue in cheek, but maybe she's a MN and heard about the guy who got a ticket as it wasn't visible whether he had a child in tow, so she thought the best remedy would be to leave the child there as proof to negate all doubt.

On a serious note if you come across this again and no action is taken, call the police. The child must have been very scared and uncomfy. If you're just popping in for 5 minutes I guess that could be excused, any longer you're being rather stupid.

Mulledwine1 · 07/04/2017 09:54

As it happens, when I returned from my shopping I saw the car being driven way by a woman, which means the child must have been alone in the vehicle for around 25 minutes ......

how do you know, the mum/female driver might have come back a couple of minutes after you went in to do your shopping and sat texting/having a chat/eating a sandwich for a while.

I understand your concern, and I also agree that the store could have put put an announcement asking the owner of that vehicle to return to their car. No need to say "because you've left a toddler on their own in it" unless the female driver went to reception and asked why.

Voice0fReason · 07/04/2017 10:39

Lol at the posters who are OFFENDED by the completely normal assumption it was a MOTHER but think it's fine to leave a small child alone in a car.
I can be offended by the unfounded assumption and still not think it's ok to leave a toddler alone in a car.
I can be equally offended that the OP criticised the adult who left the child, and then went on to walk off and leave the child. She clearly wasn't that concerned about the child.

HiDBandSIL · 07/04/2017 11:31

I would have called the police too. Shocking and awful. Only on Mumsnet could anyone give a shit that you "said" mother" in these circumstances.

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