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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why on earth my friend doesn't this?

101 replies

Phillipaa · 06/04/2017 19:02

She's about 5ft4 and a size 16. I'm 5ft7 and a size 12. I'm not skinny but a normal, healthy weight. She is medically overweight.

Yet she constantly (as in every time we meet up) comments on how much weight she's lost and how she's slimmer than me. She makes comments that she would give me her clothes but they wouldn't fit me. If we go clothes shopping she informs me that she's a size 12, I need at least a size 14 or 'that would fit me but not you'.

I'm considerably thinner than her and unless she has a serious delusion she must know that.

She buys stretchy size 10 clothes and they look absurd on her as they don't come close to fitting. Just buy a size 16.

She tried on clothes and he size 16 always looks best but she refuses to buy them in that size and buys a 14 which is too small yet she insists she likes clothes baggy! 😂

She's not a bad person but she makes an idiot of herself with this as she makes these comments in front of mutual friends too and we all know I'm considerably thinner than her.

So why on earth do it? AIBU to think this is very odd behaviour?

She has low self esteem. None of us give two hoots about what size she is.

OP posts:
GetAHaircutCarl · 06/04/2017 21:33

chloe op says 'her words don't bother me' and that her friends comments are 'too stupid' to care about.

So ...

Chloe84 · 06/04/2017 21:34

'I've said nothing as it's too stupid to comment on. Sometimes I just laugh and cringe'.

I think this can be safely paraphrased as 'not caring a jot'. Except that OP cares enough to start this thread.

That's your opinion though isn't it Yorick? No assumptions are 'safe'.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2017 21:35

And yet MN is full of threads posted by women seeking re-assurance that they are not being nasty for saying/doing things that no one would judge them for. How many posters have said 'I really thought I would be flamed for this'. It always makes me wonder how they could think that, but they do.

Yes but we're not discussing any of those threads. We're discussing this one. The motives of this one are plainer than most, actually, which is kind of good.

But if you're right, and OP is just a lost soul who honestly didn't know whether her friend was being horrid by making out that she's thinner than OP when in fact she's a fat fat fatty, then OP has her reassurance. The nest has spoken and declared the behaviour the rude and antisocial behaviour of someone who is insecure, possibly because her friends start slanging matches about her online. Now she can sleep in peace. The world is a better place.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2017 21:36

That's your opinion though isn't it Yorick? No assumptions are 'safe'.

I'm really too tired to get into such a postmodern discussion right now. Maybe you are all figments of my imagination and MN just disappears whenever I close my eyes. Hope my boss is.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 06/04/2017 21:36

I think it's hard and I'd be questioning my friendship if after you tell her, you appreciate the comments about your weight, but you don't need constant reminders. Inner you might be hopping up and down, wanting to say look you're not thinner, you're clearly bigger. But seeing as you say she's a bit iffy on the subject, just play along.

I know that there can be differences in sizes with height. It's a shame it's a big issue for her. I'm fairly thing but buy tops that are super baggy to hide tubes and stuff. So say I'm a 12, I get a 16/18 and tops that are visibly baggy.

Flowers
Imamouseduh · 06/04/2017 21:37

This has been posted before, I'm sure of it.

Chloe84 · 06/04/2017 21:41

chloe op says 'her words don't bother me' and that her friends comments are 'too stupid' to care about.

But OP is embarrassed by it. As I said, we need OP to clarify what she means, instead of assuming 'she doesn't care a jot'.

3luckystars · 06/04/2017 21:42

I think I suggested this the last time too but could you take a photo of both of you and stick it up on display. There is no need to say anything. A picture says a 1000 words.

Havanaclub · 06/04/2017 21:44

Bullshit thread if you ask me.

But it is all down to weight and size. OP is smaller (so said) than friend so that's ok for OP to comment isn't it?

Flip the thread. And see. Won't happen.

pilates · 06/04/2017 21:45

I don't think the op will be coming back

PoorYorick · 06/04/2017 21:47

If you're going to do things like stick photos of both of you on the wall, bring a set of bathroom scales with you next time you meet, force her to try on your jeans or any of the other batshit things that have been suggested here, may I just suggest that instead you take this as a sign that your friendship has run its course, you don't like each other and you should perhaps just stop meeting socially?

Lovelilies · 06/04/2017 21:52

Just say "are you serious?! Why are you saying you're thinner than me when you're obviously not? Hmm"
Easy

Trills · 06/04/2017 21:53

I wouldn't enjoy spending time with someone who constantly compared my weight with theirs, even if they were both accurate and complimentary. I would still find it boring and annoying.

Havanaclub · 06/04/2017 21:53

Horrible judgmental thread from someone who will never have to try and fit into some clothes/jeans like her so called Friend.

Shame. Awful really.

Mumsnet at its best.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2017 22:31

It's just suddenly occurred to me...if OP is irritating in real life, is it possible the fat friend is actually just trying to wind her up? If so, it's working.

Havanaclub · 06/04/2017 22:40

@PoorYorick.

Who really cares.

Sorry not a comment on your post, but a general observation.

Next week will be some other post that will get the dander up for someone else!

Great, life goes on.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2017 22:50

Well true, who does care. But I like the idea. I can imagine short fat Edna always telling tall, slim Elaine how much thinner Edna is, how Elaine could never fit into her clothes etc etc. Then afterwards, quietly taking Edna aside and asking her why she feels the need to act like that, and Edna cracking up and saying, "Because Elaine is an annoying cow and it drives her fucking crazy because I'm so obviously much fatter!"

I like Edna.

jennyfromtheblock1975 · 06/04/2017 23:06

This thread has been an eye opener for me. I know two women who aren't large by any means - about a size 14 / 12 respectively. But they've both dropped into conversation that they buy size 10 / 8. I was always really puzzled by this and wondered where they were shopping! Now I see that misjudging your size is quite a common quirk it all makes much more sense. (Although I still wonder how people can mistake what size they are if they actaully go shopping and try things on..?)

Havanaclub · 06/04/2017 23:10

Sad that we need to discuss this at all really. Sad on so many levels.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 06/04/2017 23:14

I don't get the obsession with being thin, lucky you if you are, but women come in all different shapes, this can ultimately determine clothing size. Say you're hour glass shaped, clothes may fit your boobs and hips but sag round the waist.

I personally think life is to short to concern yourself with such matters.

People could question why I dress the way I do, I dress for comfort so leggings, jeggings, loose tops to hide lumps and bumps, since my DC obliterated my stomach post section. No amount of sit ups will rid me of my section belly. I guess that's why if you've got the money you have a section and tummy tuck at the same time.

Endlessmusings · 06/04/2017 23:19

My friend would always go on about how skinny she was. Like randomly ask me if I had a spare belt as her jeans were falling down and asking me to help close her suitcase because "7 stone isn't enough" Hmm. She very evidently did not weigh that or have jeans round her ankles so no idea what that was about.

I lost a lot of weight quite quickly and got told by her that I looked ill. I'd gone down to 10 stone so wasn't quite a skeleton at that point.

I guess just some people seem to focus so much of their energy on weight and clothing size ... when really both are meaningless.

EffinElle · 06/04/2017 23:21

Well, that went well Hmm

RitaMills · 06/04/2017 23:23

It is a bit of a strange phenomenon jennyfromtheblock1975, it must be so common as a lot of people seem to know someone like this.

My auntie will insist she is a 14 (realistically an 18) the other day when she joined my mum and I for a spot of shopping she kept picking up clothes that she thought I would suit but in a size 14, I'm an 8. I often wonder what is behind her actions (I get size 14 tops, PJs etc for Christmas as well off of her) because she must buy clothes bigger than a size 14 so logically she can not think she is a 14 and I'm clearly not a 14.

TabascoToastie · 06/04/2017 23:47

Not in any way defending the woman because she is being rude, but I think body image is so hard sometimes. I'm objectively "skinny" but I've always felt fat. Looking at old photos I can't believe how skeletal I look, and I often have to return clothes because the size I assume I am is too big (and I still can't figure out if it's me or vanity sizing, which to be fair it partly is). I always assumed my best friend was roughly the same size as me, just bustier, and I was surprised to see the size on her label - not in a judgemental way at all I just assumed she was maybe one size bigger than me because I perceived myself as bigger than I am.

frenchfancy81 · 07/04/2017 00:12

When you're next out shopping, pick up some identical outfits in size 12 and suggest trying them on for a laugh to see who suits what!! She's being ridiculous and pretty rude to you really...call her bluff!