To think parents with noisy children should take them out

[daffodil10]

Just been to my sons Easter service in church. The children were trying their best to put on a beautiful performance. A sibling in the middle of the church was screaming and driving the noisiest, most clattery truck up and down the stone floor. So noisy that no one could hear the children's play and special Easter prayers that they'd written. When my two were toddlers I would have either stood as far back as possible or stepped outside until they calmed down.

TBH I don't remember having to do either of these things as they both knew how to behave in church. I always took a large bag of snacks and quiet toys. The refusal of other parents to show some respect to the other children is one thing I won't miss about primary school when mine go to secondary.

Our head always warns before the service that noisy toddlers must be taken out. she's scary but completely agree with her.

I do agree that noisy children should be taken out but banning all preschoolers is a bit draconian!

At one Easter service at our school the vicar was brilliant. She stopped proceedings and said I'll just hold it there for a second so that you have time to take "little noisy bugger" out. And stood there until the parent did. It was full on screeching and playing with noisy truck on stone floor again. Parent had no choice but to as all eyes turned on her!

Everyone else practically cheered!

YANBU regarding taking noisy child out to quieten/calm them down.
YABU with the judgey remark about how your toddlers knew how to behave in a church though.
My DS is 2.6 and whilst he is overall a very good boy, he's still a toddler who sometimes has his moments and I wouldn't expect him to understand at his age, that making loud noises or crying or whatever, is not acceptable in a church in comparison to anywhere else.
If he is going to start he really does not care where he is or how inconvenient it is for anybody else, obviously I do so I would take him out, and understand being judged if I didn't, but not to be judged for the fact he was loud in the first place because he should know better

I hate this. If any of mine ever started being noisy as babies or toddlers I'd take them straight out.

Last Christmas at my youngest school play (reception and nursery age) there was a mum with her toddler, probably about 18 months that whinged through a good half of the performance. She didn't take him out until a teacher had had enough and told her to take him out. She wasn't best pleased as she said 'but I might miss little x's part' to which another parent piped up 'well we've all missed our kids parts because we couldn't hear over your child's noise!' She did leave eventually.

But later complained about it on the school FB page . She said her child has sn and so couldn't help it crying. Some people were all 'oh in that case you should have been allowed to stay' but the school stood their ground and said regardless, if your child is noisy for whatever reason you should leave.

I can't actually believe parents need to be told this, it's common courtesy!

I don't think your remark about your toddlers behaving well OP was judgy. My toddlers also knew how to behave from just before 2 years old and I never had to leave anywhere , although I was always prepared to if needed.

There are toddlers who dont behave at that age but I don't think calling the OP judgy was very nice, just because hers do.

My sons school assembly was spoiled a bit the other week by a pre-schooler who was left to run about the hall shrieking, including up to the class performing at the front and run back and forwards in front of them, distracting them and putting them off what they were doing.

The parent in question just keep pathetically miming a 'shush' face with his finger in front of his lips at the kid and nothing more.

In the end one of the teachers had to take the child by the hand and lead them back to parent, who was unapologetic and totally unfazed.

I was really pissed off. I missed a lot of the piece my 6 y/o was reading out (first assembly/school play thing he has ever managed to get through without stage fright and crying!

Of course the child should have been taken outside. I can not imagine being selfish/uncaring enough to let my child disrupt a play. Even in restaurants and stuff if we get a tantrum the kids are removed..not fair to make everyone else listen to it.

I ended up taking DS2 (3) out of DS1's nativity at Christmas. He wasn't screaming, but was whining enough to annoy me and make it hard to follow, therefore that probably applied to the others close around me. He's old enough to reason with so two minutes outside was sufficient to make him calm down on our return.

Weekly family assembly tends to fall when DS is in nursery so I don't have to take him regularly, but most weeks I find myself wondering why I wasted half an hour of my life going as I can't see anything behind the row of giant furry hoods, or hear above the sound of young toddlers jabbering away. I'm probably getting into the bounds of unreasonably sensitive, but the rustle of quavers (or any other bag of snacks) behind me is also very distracting and cringy, but I will concede that it is an effort to reduce the public nuisance value of small children

I was fortunate in the toddler stage that my church was happy to let little toddlers explore quietly during the service, and that mine were happy to oblige in that. One service when DS1 was crawling all over the church and practicing his reverse crawl back down the altar steps, it was commented after by a nun that he'd livened up a dull sermon! I like my church!

YNBU. I often used to take DS out before it got to the important bits purely because hd doesn't do sitting and paying attention well for more than five minutes at a time (SN). They used to have Sunday school then a short break then the adult service/communion. (we haven't been kn years).

I'll tell you something that used to drive me up the bloody wall though. After we'd been telling the Sunday school kids how to conduct themselves and behave, ie. Sit & listen quietly why so and so talks. You'd always always have the same small group of adults come in at the back end of Sunday school (about ten minutes before the break actually started) and talk, very loudly, over that poor Sunday school teacher. They showed just as much disrespect IMO. At least most of the kids can be forgiven for not knowing any better. Dependant on age obviously. Cant say the same for the adults.

Where we visit family at Christmas is a beautiful cathedral and there's a kids play area at the back with soft flooring and quietish toys for the toddlers to be entertained by helpers.

DS only distinguished himself by waiting until a very Quiet and Solemn part of the service and said on a state whisper 'take me or of this terrible castle'.

YANBU. Toddlers do make noise and services are long but thats why you take something quiet to amuse them and take them outside if you need to, I always kept colouring stuff in my bag and some snacks and tried to sit at the end of a pew so i could get out quickly.

I was at a school assembly once where a younger sibling was making a racket and running up and down, had been taken back to parents several times and the parents were totally ignoring the child. Year 6 child got up to read out their piece and said 'I think I'll just wait til everyone can hear' and stood in silence looking at the child until the parents got the hint. it was said in almost exactly the same tone the headteacher uses.

When I was asking some local parents what they thought of the school I was hoping to change my foster children to, a couple of them mentioned the other parents didn't like the head, partly because she 'stopped a school concert to make parents take a noisy toddler out!' I was more than happy to choose the school once I knew that!

My brother in law was our best man at our wedding. His wife had their (almost) one year old with her. While we were taking our vows, the little one started wailing. And wailing. And wailing. l even turned round to look.
My friends told me that her mother made no effort to quiet her at all. Just stood there.
l was livid. My sister in law and l had never got on from day one, and that just consolidated it for me. So rude.

I don't think I ever managed to watch more than 5 mins of my older child's Nativity plays all through Infants School. Unfortunately, my youngest child would start immediately start carrying on/shouting at the top of his voice, to the captive audience.

I used to die of shame & was out of that hall within 2seconds flat, with my hand clamped over the toddler's mouth. Can't understand these parents who are content to just sit there in these circumstances 😮
YANBU

As a long term church choir member I have seen this so many times!!!
People seem to think that their own child can do no wrong, even when the entire choir and congregation are shooting them evils!
This is why when I get married there will be no small children present at the service! (undecided about reception lol)

YANBU. At our school we are told that such things are 'not appropriate for toddlers and pre-schoolers' for this reason.

A theatre in Glasgow is currently under fire because they have put out a set of rules regarding babies attending shows. Lots of people are in uproar but I think that they do now have to spell out exactly what will not be tolerated as there are so many people who believe that the rules don't apply to their special little princes/princesses.

I had to miss large portions of our christingle service this past year, because DS was starting to squirm and fuss. People seemed to be understanding, saying he's not even two yet and it's a long service, but I felt so guilty that he might have been spoiling it for others.

Jesus would suffer the little children

I sometimes wonder if this was a misquote and really he was going to make the little children suffer, or that he would suffer them for politeness sake but that underneath he was seething at having his best sermons ruined by little children.

I have a special needs 4 yo child that makes noise, old people tell her to shut up in supermarkets, they've actually been quite cruel to her.
I wouldn't take her to a church, because I know there are ignorant and Intolerant people in the world, therefore she misses out.

Oh my! How I agree! Mine were always taken out if they wouldn't shut up! And kept in the most boring circumstances until sibling had finished and told in no uncertain terms exactly why they were sitting quiet and still! I have 4, who are now aged 38 - 28, and they actually behave in public now. 😀.

But. I worked in FE for a long time and saw the results of these indulgently smiling parents! The best one I came across is a diagnosis of ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) - which basically means the child has never been given firm boundaries or made to do as they were told.

Drives me mad. Lazy parenting!

*Busybustbust
*
I agree some diagnosis's like ODD are questionable, but there are genuine conditions that cause distress in kids and adults, you can't paint them all with the same brush just because you're ignorant.

Piffpaffpoff (I always love your name - oh dearie me). I read about that on Facebook and was delighted to see the supportive comments on th BBC Scotland post

I think the pavilion are quite right

Banning all preschoolers may seem draconian, @lemondriftwood - but the alternative seems to be letting some badly behaved children, whose parents won't take them out, spoil the performances for everyone - especially for the children who,have worked SO hard to produce the best performance they can!

I am absolutely sure that no head teacher would introduce such a 'draconian' rule, unless they had had bad experiences with performances being spoiled by noisy little ones.

So don't blame the Head teachers for the rule - blame the indulgent parents who have let their children run riot and spoil things for everyone.