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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wine when pregnant

326 replies

patronsaintofglocks · 05/04/2017 12:52

Hi everyone.
I'm nearly 15 weeks pregnant with my first. It's my 24th birthday today.

I'm going out with my DP for dinner this evening, would IBU to have a glass of wine with my meal?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Lweji · 07/04/2017 20:43

What you don't see is that medical regulators consider those amounts safe enough.

Medicine should help babies, not hinder them.

SpreadYourHappiness · 07/04/2017 20:45

Lweji Yes, and again, there's a difference between medicine (necessary) and wine (luxury).

Lweji · 07/04/2017 20:45

And I've posted the study in reply to a very judgemental and definitive post.
If giving any Ethanol to a child is being an unfit parent, then it's any Ethanol.

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 20:45

So you agree that alcohol is not safe for babies then?

Lweji · 07/04/2017 20:46

So, what's the point in giving medicine with a solvent that is so harmful? Why not use another?
Are you so bothered that you actually read the labels and choose the medicine with the least Ethanol?

SpreadYourHappiness · 07/04/2017 20:47

Lweji Missing the point spectacularly, but I'm not surprised, because you won't want to be seen to be wrong.

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 20:49

I think you're being a bit pedantic. The poster obviously meant if you're willing to expose your baby to alcohol because you just can't stand not to drink it while pregnant, then those were her views.

I get the fact that there is (seemingly, because again, no definitive evidence, and any statistics are naturally unreliable because they must surley be down to self reporting, and actually some studies show that small amounts can be harmful) little evidence that drinking in moderation harms babies, surely the risk of causing harm massively outweighs the benefits of a couple of glasses of wine?

Maybe once or twice a year, but why drink every week? How can you even stomach it? Confused

Lweji · 07/04/2017 20:51

Not missing the point at all. Back at you. :)

The fact is that for whatever reasons babies are exposed to harmful substances all the time and in many forms. Extremely low amounts hardly register. And we can't protect them from all harmful substances (have you ever eaten a well done toast with acrylamide, btw?). What we should do is restrict risk to a minimum.
And one small glass in 9 months, with food and plenty of soft drinks WILL barely register.

SpreadYourHappiness · 07/04/2017 20:52

Lweji No, we can't protect them from everything. But we can protect them by not drinking alcohol during pregnancy. There really is no need.

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 20:55

I'm sorry but that is an absolutely ridiculous argument. I've just been reading more about it. Alcohol is a substance that can actively inhibit and fuck with developing embryos. Why would you risk that. And the idea that there's no point eliminating an (incredibly easy to eliminate) risk because there are other risks out there in the world is absolute madness.

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 20:56

And also (which I did not know), the baby cannot filter out alcohol through the liver the way the mother can, so even more harm is done.

Lweji · 07/04/2017 20:57

What is the risk, though, and how does it compare with other risks we can avoid?

SpreadYourHappiness · 07/04/2017 20:58

YABU. My MIL is another parent to me. It would be very weird for DH to not tell me things about them. I am his family, and they are my family, so it is my business.

SpreadYourHappiness · 07/04/2017 20:58

Oh, ha ha! Wrong thread Grin

makemineadoubleplease · 07/04/2017 20:58

What about environmental toxins? Non-organic veg? Why the judgy people getting so riled up at other people deciding to have frankly teeny amounts of alcohol should club together to buy a hermetically sealed pregnancy health resort and go live there and leave the rest of us in peace

SpreadYourHappiness · 07/04/2017 21:01

Lweji See the link I posted up thread, and CherriesInTheSnow'a recent posts.

makemineadoubleplease Why? Don't like the thought that you might be harming your baby?

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 21:03

Lweji you are absolutely missing the point. The bottom line is:

  • Consuming alcohol while pregnant can harm the development of the fetus and can cause Fetal Alcohol syndrome, which is a spectrum of effects, ranging from mild to severe.
  • No one will ever be able to tell you the exact risks of consuming alcohol on unborn babies, because it is wholly unethical to create those circumstances in a controlled environment. So stop asking, and using the lack of hard study to try and justify it's lack of harmful effects.
  • It is an entirely avoidable risk. There are not many entirely avoidable risks to a baby, but this is certainly one of them. You are comparing it to separate things which makes no sense to prove a point, but please realise this isn't accurate. One, levels of alcohol in medice is not going to be the same as a woman drinking. Two, There is a difference between a born child and a growing fetus with an undeveloped liver ingesting alcohol.
ethelfleda · 07/04/2017 21:04

Makemineadouble brilliant post! Grin

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 21:05

Sorry, posted too soon!

...and three, even if it was an accurate and direct comparison, medicine is not the same completely unavoidable risk as choosing to consume alcohol.

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 21:08

Yahhh soooo brilliant and witty to make light of a potentially serious illness that is on the rise/becoming more noticed as doctors are able to accurately diagnose it. Those mothers who don't drink are sooo self righteous thinking they can say that there is potential harm in ingesting poison while carrying their child inside them. Bitches, right?

SpreadYourHappiness · 07/04/2017 21:11

CherriesInTheSnow Couldn't have put it better myself.

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 21:12
Halo
Flowersinyourhair · 07/04/2017 21:12

Cherries- I agree with you on this completely. It's a sad truth that those who choose to drink in pregnancy will continue to justify their choices and vilify those who put their babies ahead of their pleasures.

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/04/2017 21:16

Thanks flowers, I thought I was going mental or my hormones were turning me raving but no, it is actually really upsetting to see hordes of people come out on these threads and refuse to acknowledge the very real risks of drinking while pregnant. And you're right, people do justify their own actions, especially in retrospect. Maybe just accept that it wasn't the best choice.

makemineadoubleplease · 07/04/2017 21:19

Spreadyourhappiness not really... do you like it when people come up to you when your are telling off your child and have a go at you for causing the poor little ones permanent emotional damage? Because, you know, when you think about it there is always a risk...

Life and parenting are a series of decisions that you have to make as best you can given your circumstances and your best understanding of the risks involved.

Of course no one in their heart of hearts thinks there is definitely absolutely no risk involved with a small amount of wine. It's just most of us agree it's small enough to be acceptable for them.

I weighed up the options, did the research and made my decision. Yes it isn't risk free... but neither is life frankly. You are welcome to make your own decisions. You are also welcome to judge other people's - but quietly please... we have enough guilt ladled on us as parents as it is. Grabbing the ladle to add your own helping kinda makes a mockery of your username!